AIBU to think my sister is overreacting about our drinking?

If your whole social life revolves around friends and situations that involve alcohol tbe its likely you do drink a lot of alcohol. Contrary to popular believes many people with alcohol issues dont drink in the morning or pass out drunk. They tend to drink daily though and have lifestyles that involve around alcohol. Being honest it sounds like you both are heavy drinkers and drinking most days is not normal. I enjoy socialising and spend lots of time with friends very little of it involves alcohol. I have family members whose friendships and socialising revolves totally around alcohol and it does concern me.

I Suspect the OP is trolling - and not very well either -the poor spelling becoming all a bit obvious - can I just say the amount of Hannah Spencer type puritanical joyless prigs in here is incredible -yes the OP needs to cut down significantly quite clearly ( if genuine) I myself stick to a couple of wines Friday and Saturday only and occasionally maybe extra if I have an event to go to - i am not an alcoholic i have plenty of stuff going on generally and plenty of us don’t need preaching too like some kind of naughty schoolchildren by vegan totalists !

here you’ve made this about your sister not needing to drink as a way of deflecting and, as PP have said, protesting too much. I think your sister has hit a nerve you perhaps have been subconsciously thinking about in terms of how much you drink. If you look at the gov guidelines for alcohol consumption, you are certainly well over the limit. Are you able to have one or two nights without alcohol at home? I took your sister’s comment to be concern for your health rather than a moral judgement.

Agree. The OP jumped the shark at several points.

Bonding over alcohol each evening isn't healthy.

Your sister is right to be concerned.

I think you should consider wether you are habitually drinking more than the recommended amount of alcohol and how you feel about the risks v benefits of doing that.
My late DH and i were you at one point. Then out of a clear blue sky aged 51 yrs he got an alcohol related cancer and died within 15 months.
When he was dying he said the only thing that could make such an awful situation any better was if i promised him i would take better care of myself and minimise the risks relating to cancer.
I thought about my alcohol consumption carefully and looked objectively at the actual units i was drinking and decided to moderate myself. I realised i only really enjoyed it socially on high days and holidays ,so now i only drink on celebrations/holidays and have period of abstention in between.
I dont judge those who drink more regularly ,its their choice as long as they have considered the risks.
Dont take what your sister said as an insult/judgement ,consider it caring.
Have a look at the actual amounts you drink habitually and decide if the risks are too great for you v the benefits and decide if you want to reduce the frequency .
Good luck.

The way this thread went over the course of a day is very disturbing, OP. Read back your posts when you started your daily drinking. And it is daily based on your own OP and subsequent posts. And it's not 'a drink' with whomever; it's half a bottle here, half a bottle there, a few drinks .... ever single evening. Quite concerning.

You don't sound happy. I hope you have someone to talk to IRL

There's more to life than just drinking 🙄

OP, you sound very, very unhappy with your life and I hope you manage to find a way to get through things without drinking.

OMG please read all the OPs posts.

YANBU. You were entertaining and socializing and had 2-3 drinks. She's the weird one who has ONE glass of alcohol per year. She has issues with alcohol, clearly, and chose to judge you after you josted her for 3 days. I wouldn't host her again tbh.

Most of these comments just prove how normalised unhealthy drinking patterns are.

OP, I would suggest dry trying to stop completely for a couple of weeks and see how tricky you find it. There will be your answer.

And you're probably 35 but look 55?

In the times they drank beer and wine, 1) these were not the same as the ones we have now, and 2) there's a reason people died a lot earlier than today, and that's part of it

Gosh @ByJollyQuail I m sorry, I posted this a bit flippantly before I had read your later posts and I can see the "what are we meant to do except enjoy ourselves" was said from a place of confusion and sadness, not entitled smugness as I first assumed. (I did wonder in fact if this was realor if it was a ragebaity made up post. But I will give the benefit of the doubt - if you are still reading, which is probably unlikely)

However my suggetions still stand and indeed, more so than ever. You need meaning in your life and I don't think your husband needs "support" for his self-indulgent "aimless young retiree" hobby.

I think you would be happier if you forged your own life, your own way. And stopped being dominated by him and his "crazy" lifestyle.

I think thats avoidance of how much you are drinking. You know you are drinking too much.

If you're drinking nearly every night then that's too much
You said in your op you drink if not commuting into London- you work 2 days a week, so I doubt you are going in both of those days, or even every week, that's a lot of days to be drinking

Your stepfather is only one example.

You haven't read all.the OP's posts, have you? In which she confesses to being deeply unhappy and lonely?

OP, I hope you're feeling ok today .

I think you and DH have fallen into bad habits. I used to drink a lot, frequently. I was very sociable. That's what I told myself.

I never drink now and back then that would have seemed a massive sacrifice. Now I absolutely love it. My life is built around different pursuits and passions.

You're filling a void. Fill it with something else. Find a hobby, keep looking until something lights you up. Then surround yourself with people whose company gives you so much pleasure you don't even think about alcohol.

my metric is from my step father- if your first action on waking is to have a drink you are an alcoholic, otherwise you are simply a heavy drinker. I would consider anyone who drinks every day to be a heavy drinker, maybe think about cutting back a little.

It’s to justify that they are alcoholics but look their children turned out amazing so it doesn’t matter. She also wanted to highlight their very middle class life because drinking 6 cans of Stella a night in their council house would have a very different reaction.

It doesn’t matter anyway because if you read OP’s later posts you can see her being more honest the drinker she gets. She clearly isn’t happy and is using alcohol as a way to mask that. Her posts turned incoherent in a tiny amount of time so she’s clearly not being honest with how much alcohol she drinks, someone who is used to drinking a few glasses of wine a night would not become so shit faced they could barely spell.

OP if you’re reading this this morning I hope you get help, or realise your drinking isn’t normal. Strip back your first post because you’re hiding behind the curtain of irrelevant information you’ve posted. You are clearly dependant on alcohol.

I wasn't talking about the Op's posts, but the person whose post I quoted.

What are retired folks supposed to do rather than enjoy life.

How about giving something back, contributing to protecting the planet for your children or helping some of those millions of people less fortunate than you?

Or of course you could carry on as you are and dutifully enjoy yourselves into an early grave, as you seem to feel you are obliged to.

I think that this is where the issue lies.

There’s nothing wrong with having a drink in the evening (I say this as someone who is teetota), but if you can’t think of what to do other than having a drink, or if you feel like you’re missing out or it isn’t fun if you don’t have a drink then it’s an issue.

There’s plenty of things you can do other than have a drink, the fact you can’t seem to think of them is worrisome. How would you feel if you went out and socialised and remained sober? Would you feel like you’d missed out? Would it not be fun for you?

Then write them down every day.
I'm not really sure why you posted given that you don't think there's a problem and you just won't see it despite numerous posters telling you otherwise.
I like a glass of wine just as much as the next person but there are a lot of red flags here

I would be wary of your relationship changing if one of you were to give up drinking.

Menopause meant that I gained a simultaneous tolerance to alcohol (so I didn't get drunk or even a slight buzz from it) and an intolerance to one of the chemicals used in some methods of production (which would cause me to be vomiting violently all night with a migraine after one glass). So I stopped drinking altogether.

This meant I had a lower tolerance for the company of those who ;liked a drink' and meant a few friendships dropped away.

So it might be worth thinking about in terms of your relationship existing without alcohol in case the same thing happens to you, or one of you has a health scare had HAS to give up the booze.