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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What is fair-savings for uni?

39 replies

Purpleturtle45 · 01/08/2026 21:55

I have 3 kids ages 9, 12 and 14 and since they were born we have been putting money aside for potential university costs. We are in Scotland so no fees (at the moment) but if they move out the money would help with living costs etc. I would also expect them to get a part time job for their spending money. They may or may not go to university, that will be their choice.

It's still a while off but my husband got round to talking about it today and we disagree on how the money should be split. In my mind the money is for education and whichever children go to university it will help pay for that. He thinks the money should be split 3 ways from the start and they can choose to spend it on what they like (within reason).

I see both sides but effectively wouldn't want any of them going to uni to have less money for starting out after that as their portion had been spent on uni. Not sure what's right. Now I have typed it out I maybe think I am wrong 🤣

There won't be loads saved (by Mumsnet standards anyway) maybe about 10k-15k each and obviously we know that won't be enough to cover expenses and we will need to use wages too and perhaps a student loan.

YABU-it should be split 3 ways whether they go to uni or not.

YANBU-it should be used to cover the university costs of whoever goes to uni

OP posts:
Swissmeringue · 02/08/2026 09:58

Given that going to university is no longer the ticket to success it used to be, I really wouldn't ring fence the money just for that. It needs to be an investment in the future, absolutely. But it could be seed money to start a business, or a house deposit, both of which are hugely valuable to them for setting them up for adult life.

Split it three ways, help each kid use it in their own best interests, whatever that may be.

Ponderingwindow · 02/08/2026 09:54

I would help any child with a modest contribution to initial move out costs. They would not get extra. There is no need to make things even. We provide generously to support education and skipping that should not be rewarded with a lump sum of money.

shiningstar2 · 02/08/2026 09:51

I think you really should share the money equally. Young people have struggled starting out whether they go to university or not.
I have a friend in similar circumstances but older. She helped one with university, one became an apprentice plumber (a different type of education) and one wasn't academic in any way. One got help with university living costs, one got help in buying his first van to start a plumbing business, the other had a deposit on on a flat paid for them. As she said she's help launch all three in ways which fitted their different abilities and needs.
I really think that is the best way forward. I am university educated myself but can't see why any going to university should have more help launching themselves into adulthood than the others. It's tough out there, they will all need your help, but maybe in different ways.

Original poster
Purpleturtle45 · 02/08/2026 09:43

gingercat02 · 02/08/2026 09:38

You can save it as an education fund, but you have to give them all the same amount when they leave school. It can't be a reward for going on to higher education. The ones who don't go to university will have living expenses too.

I don't think supporting them in their higher education should be seen as a reward personally.

OP posts:
Original poster
Purpleturtle45 · 02/08/2026 09:42

x2boys · 02/08/2026 09:34

What if none of them go to university ?

Show quote history

I guess we would cross that bridge when we come to it and see what we think is the best use of the money at the time.

OP posts:
InterestedDad37 · 02/08/2026 09:42

I can see your 'education fund' point OP, but it's only fair to split it 3 ways. I gave some money to one of my 'kids' when they got married - I have told the others that they have the same coming, whether they get married or not. Their choice when to have it and how to use it. My main wish is for total fairness for all of them.

Original poster
Purpleturtle45 · 02/08/2026 09:41

gingercat02 · 02/08/2026 09:38

You can save it as an education fund, but you have to give them all the same amount when they leave school. It can't be a reward for going on to higher education. The ones who don't go to university will have living expenses too.

Yes but presumably they will then be earning and not need to be supported.

OP posts:
gingercat02 · 02/08/2026 09:38

You can save it as an education fund, but you have to give them all the same amount when they leave school. It can't be a reward for going on to higher education. The ones who don't go to university will have living expenses too.

ElizaSchuyler · 02/08/2026 09:37

I agree with dontmalbecomne. I’m not entirely sure how the parental contribution system works in Scotland but in England it’s an expected maintenance top up.

my daughter did a non standard, non student financed course (drama school) with a type of scholarship so we paid her fee top ups plus a reasonable amount nt to live on.

our son did a degree with student financed course so we topped up his maintenance.

if one of them had not gone to uni then they would not have got that money.

saving for uni is to help your cash flow. It’s separate from any lump sums you might choose to give.

x2boys · 02/08/2026 09:34

Purpleturtle45 · 01/08/2026 21:55

I have 3 kids ages 9, 12 and 14 and since they were born we have been putting money aside for potential university costs. We are in Scotland so no fees (at the moment) but if they move out the money would help with living costs etc. I would also expect them to get a part time job for their spending money. They may or may not go to university, that will be their choice.

It's still a while off but my husband got round to talking about it today and we disagree on how the money should be split. In my mind the money is for education and whichever children go to university it will help pay for that. He thinks the money should be split 3 ways from the start and they can choose to spend it on what they like (within reason).

I see both sides but effectively wouldn't want any of them going to uni to have less money for starting out after that as their portion had been spent on uni. Not sure what's right. Now I have typed it out I maybe think I am wrong 🤣

There won't be loads saved (by Mumsnet standards anyway) maybe about 10k-15k each and obviously we know that won't be enough to cover expenses and we will need to use wages too and perhaps a student loan.

YABU-it should be split 3 ways whether they go to uni or not.

YANBU-it should be used to cover the university costs of whoever goes to uni

What if none of them go to university ?

dontmalbeconme · 02/08/2026 09:31

Parents have a moral obligation to support their children through Uni. The state expects parental support, and reduces loans accordingly. This support should be given in addition to, not instead of, any large gifts of money that patents might wish to give. You should help out with Uni for any child who goes and also, if you wish to give them a lump sum, that should be an equal amount each, regardless of Uni attendence. Supporting your child at Uni and gifting them a lump sum are two different things and should be considered separately.

Original poster
Purpleturtle45 · 02/08/2026 08:24

Thanks for the opinions. I do see your points. To me the money is more of an education fund for whoever needs it. I don't want it to be a choice for them, like you can have the money for a car or go to uni etc!

OP posts:
RabbitRunRabbit · 01/08/2026 22:49

Definitely equal amounts. What if one goes to uni and the others straight to work? They may be in a need of a car.

LeCreusetLove · 01/08/2026 22:00

Sorry if I have misunderstood you, but think it’s hugely unreasonable to not help a DC financially just because they don’t want to go to university. If they leave school and go straight to an apprenticeship or something they’ll still need help when starting out; instead of living costs the money could be put towards a house deposit for example? Or are you planning separate savings for that?