What is fair-savings for uni?

Maybe they don't. But they have a moral obligation to support their children through Uni. Whatever they have left after that should be split equally between all the children, be that £50 or £50k.

It's not fair to reward children for not going to Uni with a lump sum.

My kids have a pot each. It can go towards uni or a house deposit. Their choice.

But perhaps OP Can not afford uni and lump sums...for 3 kids this is a lot!

Save say 15k in each kids account - for uni living costs 5k a year.
on top money for weddings etc.
i wouldnt release the 15k until a non uni going kid was about 25 in case they change their mind and spend it then think you will fund their living costs on top.
however money in their own accounts may mean no uc if they cant find a job..

i think its tricky with 1+ kids as you can know who will go and not spending the money on uni could make a huge difference 15k could be most of a house deposit!
or could be wasted on a wedding.

uni and living costs are just so high the difference between money spent on siblings where 1 is clever enough to go and one isnt could be huge

Yabu but so is he.

Ultimately ypu both want to provide something for your kids. You need to figure out what that is.

I want to provide a roof over my child's head so uni or not, that's what I've earmarked the money for. When they eventually go househunting, I'll give it to them.

So is it education you want to provide or is it a means to learning how to support themselves?

My parents always helped whichever of us needed it at the time. If one needed help they wouldn’t then feel they had to give the same to other dc who didn’t need it. There have been times uni, redundancy, moving back home after relationship breakdown, illness when help has been needed. Sometimes help was practical and sometimes financial. We didn’t compare or keep a spreadsheet we felt we were treated equally based on individual circumstances and supported to have opportunities.

I do the same with my dc. They don’t live identikit lives and sometimes help is free rent and food while living at home and sometimes it’s topping up uni costs where rent can vary hugely from place to place.

As it’s a modest amount I would keep it as parent money available as and when.

I think this is what it boils down to.

Is this money that you and your DH have saved to help you both put potentially 3 children through uni without having to go without yourselves?

Or is this money that you have saved for your DC?

If you’re looking at 10 or 15k each you could think of it as a few years of support for each of them towards rent in a house share. That would help DC regardless of whether they go to uni or want to move away from home for an apprenticeship or internship etc.

Unless they need to move away from home for the apprentiship the costs would be minimal & easily payable from their income (my firm recruits and trains apprentice plumbers)

Those of you saying split three ways regardless be aware things might change. One of my children changed their minds and went to university aged 21. You are not automatically classed as independent until age 25 so for many in this situation you would then be expected to contribute to living expenses regardless of what they’ve had in the past.
(mine did end up being classed as independent by just one month due to having lived away from home) but the assessment wasn’t verified until almost the end of their first term)

Equal money to all, but for education or training. A trainee plumber has costs too, not just university students.
I wouldn't hand over money for travel though. If they don't need support through education or training, keep it for a deposit for them.

Absolutely this. I used to work in secondary school. By the time a lot of students got to year 12/13 many had become disillusioned with education and wanted gap years and paid employment, not more years stuck in the system as they saw it.
The ones that tended to stick with uni plans were those wanting to go into nursing and midwifery (I taught a subject that was mostly girls). Though even that now I believe has better apprenticeship options.

You want to make sure you'll have means to support their education. That's a valid goal.

Dividing in exact thirds isn't necessarily fair even if all children use it for the same purpose. The rent availability/increase means the money wouldn't cover the same a few years later.
It's ok to use the money as a parental fund to support the cause, not as children's money to use as they like.

You "know your eldest will" - we've always felt the same about my very bright and academic 15 year old, however things seem to be changing very quickly with regards to going to uni being the standard, and lots of graduates finding it impossible to find work. We're now encouraging my daughter to explore all options and not just assume she will go to uni. I'd keep options open and see how next few years pan out.

This. It sounds like you are saving with the idea it is for you and your husband to use to support children through uni.

Your husband's interpretation of this savings pot is that it's for the children.

Personally I think uni is overrated. You have no idea whether your children will want to go, and what if your children do an apprenticeship instead but want to be independent and move out. Your argument would be they are earning, but they wouldn't be earning enough to live on.

I think you need to be very clear who this money is for, as I think you are saving it for your own benefit.

I’d say it’s to help them with whatever decision they make on what to do after school.

So if it’s uni, then it helps with living expenses.
If they go to uni but live at home, then maybe it’s for after uni.
If they get an apprenticeship maybe it goes towards a car to get them there.
Personally I wouldn’t give it to them to fund a gap year. But I’d keep it for when they got back.

Basically I’d say “each of you have £X. We’re not giving it to you to spend however you want. But it is to help with whatever education or employment thing you do next, so that the financial aspect doesn’t need to factor in to your decisions so much.”

We’ve been saving for our 2. Hoping they both go to uni. And also in Scotland.

They will get an equal amount no matter what. Even if they chose a different path.

I think it would help if you are both clear about whether this is the children's money.

Or money for you to pay expenses, which just happen to relate to the children being at university.

I don't think you need to decide at this stage. Wait and see how it all pans out and then decide how best to use money to support each (or not). I also would not mention it to the kids as you don't want one thinking they'll just use it to buy a car or something and get out of education or training as soon as they can.

There is an amount per year that you have to give them, as their loan will be reduced by that amount and the government expects you to make up the difference. I think for the children going to uni, that should be the priority.

Anything above that should be split equally. For children not going to uni, there are other ways you will help that is equivalent - free rent and food, for those initial few years while they are getting started in life, for example.

The alternative , if the savings are not for the children but are your savings, is that you use these savings to fund the parental contribution requirements. ( can't remember if Scotland is the same but in England student loan is means tested on parental income and parents are expected/required to top up to the tune of a few thousand each year). In which case the savings are not for the children but are a consequence of you having to contribute for your income. If you were on a lower income they would geta higher loan

Then anything over and above the minimum parental contribution is split three ways

Absolutely has to be split three ways.

You can say it's to help develop career, education etc.

So could be for living costs at uni. Or if they want to do an apprenticeship but live at home, then pay for a car to get to work.

Or if they want to do graphic design it pays for an expensive computer etc.

Or if they have to move to another are for work or do an unpaid internship then it covers living costs for six months.

So they don't get it to fritter away but it helps them move into a career.

And keep track of what ever you spend on each of them, and them at some point if any left, it goes towards a flat deposit

I think both points of view are valid. If the money is there to support your DC in whatever they choose to do then it should be split three ways. If it's more a budget for YOU as parents with what you know is likely to be an expensive time (especially if you have two DC at university at the same time) then it's completely reasonable to spend it on whatever your household expenses are at that time, which will include supporting uni age DC. But in that case you shouldn't frame it as being the DC's money - it's yours.

I don't think either of you are wrong - it's two different ways of looking at it.

Maybe a compromise? Split the savings in half and do both?