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AIBU?

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Original poster

Middle finger

181 replies

naturetrail · 01/08/2026 19:34

Dd2 1st birthday little family tea party today. Dd1 15 moans she doesn't like her photo being taken. I respect her privacy and NEVER post her photo anywhere but I do take photos of all my kids for memories. Today I've taken photos of everyone throughout the afternoon. When I've sat just now and looked through my camera roll dd1 has done a sly Middle finger in every single photo that has her in. Ones with her and ds and dd2, grandad, aunties, uncles etc. I'm absolutely fuming that she's spoiled every photo.
I spoke to her and said I can't believe you've done that and that I'm really cross she's spoiled the photos. She said oh mum I've told you i don't like having my photo taken and then she's flounced off because I'm being ridiculous in her eyes.
Am i totally out of order on this? I take the photos as memories and photos are so important to me. All my childhood photos were destroyed which dd1 knows really upset me, so capturing memories feels ultra important to me and maybe thats making me over react and i should just laugh this off?

OP posts:
SatsumaDog · 01/08/2026 20:22

BunnyLake · 01/08/2026 20:20

That’s a bit harsh and completely unrealistic and one that you too would probably regret too (assuming you’re even a mum). You wouldn’t take photos at their graduation or any other event ever again?

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Not if they didn’t change their tune, no. If someone doesn’t want their photo taken then I don’t take it.

TY78910 · 01/08/2026 20:22

Velvera · 01/08/2026 19:52

We would still laugh about it years later.

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I mean, I’d find it funny. But I appreciate there are some people that wouldn’t - my mum being one of them!

CurlewKate · 01/08/2026 20:22

Why did you take pictures of her when she said not to? And you’re not “making memories”-you’re taking pictures.

EarringsandLipstick · 01/08/2026 20:21

OP, YANBU. This is such poor behaviour from your DD, and actually incredibly unkind on your younger DD’s birthday. I’ve a DC who is prone to this type of behaviour too.

My teen DC (well, my DSs) really hate me posting on social media, so I don’t. But the idea of mandating no family or individual photos is nuts, and wouldn’t be tolerated.

BunnyLake · 01/08/2026 20:20

SatsumaDog · 01/08/2026 20:15

Awful behaviour. I would ask her to step out of every family photo from now on. I simply wouldn’t give her the opportunity to do it again. When she moans about it in 15 years (because she will!), tell her exactly why. Don’t want to be in any family photos? Fine! She wouldn’t appear in one moving forward is she were mine.

That’s a bit harsh and completely unrealistic and one that you too would probably regret too (assuming you’re even a mum). You wouldn’t take photos at their graduation or any other event ever again?

Velvera · 01/08/2026 20:20

SatsumaDog · 01/08/2026 20:15

Awful behaviour. I would ask her to step out of every family photo from now on. I simply wouldn’t give her the opportunity to do it again. When she moans about it in 15 years (because she will!), tell her exactly why. Don’t want to be in any family photos? Fine! She wouldn’t appear in one moving forward is she were mine.

She will probably have 100s of selfies to look back on. I don't think she would be bothered by your punishment.

lindanovak · 01/08/2026 20:19

SatsumaDog · 01/08/2026 20:15

Awful behaviour. I would ask her to step out of every family photo from now on. I simply wouldn’t give her the opportunity to do it again. When she moans about it in 15 years (because she will!), tell her exactly why. Don’t want to be in any family photos? Fine! She wouldn’t appear in one moving forward is she were mine.

Did you miss the part that she didn’t want to be in the photos?

ClairDeLaLune · 01/08/2026 20:19

I’d be really pissed off about that too. I have a poor memory and I love taking lots of photos to remind me of things, and to show my mum who has Alzheimer’s.

However, you can ask ChatGPT to edit her finger out. It’s really easy, even I as a 60 year old techphobe can do it!

lindanovak · 01/08/2026 20:19

BunnyLake · 01/08/2026 20:16

Not talking about this specific thread situation, but are you saying parents shouldn’t want/need to have photos of their kids through the ages to look back on as memories?

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No, I’m not.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 01/08/2026 20:17

She told you she didn’t like her photo taken. Respect is a 2 way street to get it you have to give it

BunnyLake · 01/08/2026 20:16

lindanovak · 01/08/2026 19:52

Memories? You don’t need a fucking photo to create memories. How instagram. Memories are about the doing, the living, not a still taken in a moment. Sure it’s nice to have but they are not the be all and end all and respecting the DD is far more important.

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Not talking about this specific thread situation, but are you saying parents shouldn’t want/need to have photos of their kids through the ages to look back on as memories?

SatsumaDog · 01/08/2026 20:15

Awful behaviour. I would ask her to step out of every family photo from now on. I simply wouldn’t give her the opportunity to do it again. When she moans about it in 15 years (because she will!), tell her exactly why. Don’t want to be in any family photos? Fine! She wouldn’t appear in one moving forward is she were mine.

Original poster
naturetrail · 01/08/2026 20:15

I've looked and I've taken 27 photos plus one video today of the 1st birthday party which was 12pm till around 6pm. Dd1 and her Middle finger appear in the video plus 11 photos. I've looked on her tiktok and that's full of selfies, group photos with friends etc.
Photos aren't shared with family or social media. Not printed out. Not put up. Just literally saved to my online storage for kids to look back on. I've asked her why she doesn't like me taking pictures and she said because i don't get good angles or lighting. But she doesn't even have to look at them?

OP posts:
Anarchy99 · 01/08/2026 20:14

naturetrail · 01/08/2026 20:01

So my childhood photos were all destroyed in a fire which is why I place a high value on photos as I've nothing to look back on which makes me sad and i take photos so my kids have things to look back on.
For context dd isn't asked to pose for the photos they're just taken as people were playing, eating, etc. Video of dd2 being sung happy birthday to features dd1 sat at the table a few seats down resting her hand on her chin with Middle finger up 🙃 It's not like i said say cheese look this way etc.

I get why you have issues but with camera phones etc, we all take photos for granted.

Please respect her on this one issue. I know plenty of people on here will say she should suck it up but that’s a bad precedent to set. Having agency over her own body should include images too.

Velvera · 01/08/2026 20:13

I can't understand why people are saying she will regret it. I doubt she will.

GoodbyeZebedee · 01/08/2026 20:13

It’s quite funny. I hope you look back on this and laugh. My daughter also hates having her photo taken and as much as I’d sometimes like to record her as she is, she has asked me not to so I need to respect that.

pinkandwhiteroses · 01/08/2026 20:12

Mumtotornadoes · 01/08/2026 20:06

She's deliberately ruining other peoples special moments. But I'd keep the photos as they are. It's about memories, the good and bad. And she'll regret it when she's older and has no nice photos of herself.

She's not ruining anything, she just wants her mum to respect her wishes.

Anarchy99 · 01/08/2026 20:10

Mumtotornadoes · 01/08/2026 20:06

She's deliberately ruining other peoples special moments. But I'd keep the photos as they are. It's about memories, the good and bad. And she'll regret it when she's older and has no nice photos of herself.

On what do you base that assumption? Why would you assume that she will regret it? What an odd thing to think.

pinkandwhiteroses · 01/08/2026 20:10

naturetrail · 01/08/2026 20:01

So my childhood photos were all destroyed in a fire which is why I place a high value on photos as I've nothing to look back on which makes me sad and i take photos so my kids have things to look back on.
For context dd isn't asked to pose for the photos they're just taken as people were playing, eating, etc. Video of dd2 being sung happy birthday to features dd1 sat at the table a few seats down resting her hand on her chin with Middle finger up 🙃 It's not like i said say cheese look this way etc.

Just stop taking photos of her. I'd be so uncomfortable if I knew my mum constantly had a camera out taking candid "snaps" of me.

Anarchy99 · 01/08/2026 20:09

naturetrail · 01/08/2026 20:03

I feel like if i didn't take photos of dd1 then when she's older she'd regret having nothing to look back on. But maybe it's just me being too attached to the value of photos

I’m afraid it is you, I always hated my photo being taken and I have no regrets now I’m in my 50s.

And if she does for some reason then she’s going to know the reason why and can’t blame you.

At her age it’s important to respect her wishes about things like this.

JoshLymanSwagger · 01/08/2026 20:09

Mumtotornadoes · 01/08/2026 20:07

Don't be ridiculous, it's a photo of a birthday child blowing out their candles. The world doesn't revolve around one mardy teenager.

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Then why include the teenager?

Focus on the birthday child.

Mumtotornadoes · 01/08/2026 20:07

Dermatologically · 01/08/2026 20:03

I think that makes it worse op. She doesn't like having her photo taken but knows it could happen at any moment. At least if you told her you were doing it she could remove herself. She must have been on pins all day looking out for you.

Back off and respect her wishes and she may actually agree to some photos once in a while.

Don't be ridiculous, it's a photo of a birthday child blowing out their candles. The world doesn't revolve around one mardy teenager.

Mumtotornadoes · 01/08/2026 20:06

She's deliberately ruining other peoples special moments. But I'd keep the photos as they are. It's about memories, the good and bad. And she'll regret it when she's older and has no nice photos of herself.

Dermatologically · 01/08/2026 20:03

I think that makes it worse op. She doesn't like having her photo taken but knows it could happen at any moment. At least if you told her you were doing it she could remove herself. She must have been on pins all day looking out for you.

Back off and respect her wishes and she may actually agree to some photos once in a while.

Original poster
naturetrail · 01/08/2026 20:03

I feel like if i didn't take photos of dd1 then when she's older she'd regret having nothing to look back on. But maybe it's just me being too attached to the value of photos

OP posts: