Middle finger

In fairness that is how boundaries work!

Unsurprisingly her boundaries have a bit of flex when it suits her

Wow. Imagine being like you.

They can’t have been that candid shots op if she managed to give you the finger so much.

to be honest, I’d laugh about this, because you want memories and right now that’s who she is, cheeky and doesn’t like her photo being taken.

try to see rh humour in it, look back and laugh when you see them.

Your daughter asked you to stop taking photos. I can relate to be honest, I never liked having my photo taken either, especially if it's to excess as seems to be the case here.

There are various apps that would allow you to edit your daughter's finger out, though tbh I'd find it quite funny to leave them in, but it unfortunately sounds like you're not the type to unclench enough to enjoy the joke.

You understandably OP place a high value on photos. As someone who despises them and having their photo taken just posting to make the case for the ‘other side’. It’s possible like me your DD hates pics of herself. Likely a form of body dysmorphia but my own aversion has meant couldn’t cope with an official photographer at my wedding, get anxiety (and usually formidable) that so many work events now have some eeijit taking pics. I was on a hen night once and told the happy snapper who wouldn’t listen, please 🙏, I hate photos. Stop. They carried on. I then said please 🙏 don’t post them on social media. They did. Even best friends, or so I thought have taken clandestine photos and videos of me when I’ve politely asked them not to. I’ve been in tears (and as I say no shrinking violet) many's a time as folk just impose their will over what I feel comfortable with. I take the ones when I want, but OP you need to listen to your daughter. She likely feels violated and like you don’t respect her wishes. Middle finger the only control she has when you impose your will. Not right, or fair imho. Certainly not for those of us who hate photos. We all have our own stories but expect my own aversion was sown when my older sister repeatedly told me how (in her view) I was ugly and no one would ever want me. Thankfully my handsome DH disagrees but he does understand photos, unless I say, are off limits.

I doubt the mum will regret taking a few family photos at a special family event, you’re acting like it’s not a totally normal thing to do.

As someone who was a self conscious teen I think that's almost worse though. You don't have any control over your exact face expressions/whether you have a mouthful of food etc if someone takes a suprise snap of you. So you end up having to be constantly on alert for the person with the camera sneaking candid shots and can't sit/eat/talk naturally without thinking is this going to be captured for all time. If you don't care about having your picture taken it's not a big deal. If you do, it's very unsettling.
And I get that to you a picture of your 15 year old with her mouth open saying something, with her eyes slightly closed as she blinks, or a mouthful of food still looks nice. In 20 years time she would probably look back and think I looked lovely. But when you are a self-conscious teen those photos are mortifying and depressing. Having your parents tell you you are beautiful doesn't really help. At that age children are independently minded but really don't have much control over their lives. In lots of ways. And there's lots of stress/pressure to do well in school, look good, behave. A parent lurking ready to take candid photos when you have specifically said you don't want any photos is another way of taking more control away. And putting up a middle finger is a way of taking that control back.

I don't think you are evil or abusive for taking the photos by the way. It's quite a standard parent thing. But I also think her reaction to the photos was quite reasonable. If what you wanted was candid shots, and if you think she looks lovely in those sorts of photos then presumably she still looks lovely with her finger up... And if you want photos to look back on and memories, then you have them.

I have loads of photos of my then teenage DS doing the bunny ear thing behind some family members head or peace signs or rock hand signs. I'm surprised his sister didn't get bunny eared photo bombed at her wedding.

Don’t make her edit them, on the basis that she’s more tech savvy than her parents that could backfire

So you believe she should be forced to be photographed against her will? That’s a great message to send a girl, that her wishes are irrelevant

I know a couple of teenagers who do this! I think maybe it's a TikTok trend thing?

What she did was rude as fuck but forcing anyone to be photographed against their will is ten times worse. Autonomy is a real thing.

Just use AI to remove the offending finger.

If the photos were for you to keep for your own memories and not upload, then her behaviour was very unpleasant. You can't go back and re-take those photos.

Most people don't enjoy being photographed, but when it's a family event, you just suck it up. Your family know what you look like. It's not that big of a deal. Photographic evidence is not going to unveil my double chin that no one's honestly ever seen before.

I would make her edit them, removing the middle finger.

If you are planning to upload them, I'd allow her to edit herself out, to respect her wishes.

That sounds like very like emotional blackmail. You can't live every day of your life thinking about what would happen if you died tomorrow when you're 15.

My sister used to do this . She knew i hated it but did it anyway.
I smashed the fuck out of her phone
She never did it again

So you would force her to be all happy and smiley in family photos. What does you wouldn't tolerate it actually mean?

😆 Sorry @naturetrail that did make me laugh! 😆

As pps have said, photoshop is your friend. There are many ways to edit the photos(s.)

What a strange comment.

I’m sure not much, or anything at all would have cheered up parents who’ve just lost their child.

Will she fuck. I hate being in photos due to my parents. And whilst I have no reason to believe ops dd is avoiding them on the same complex grounds, I’m mid 40’s and have absolutely no regrets about having only a handful of photos that exist of me from the age of 7 or so.

It’s not a punishment. it’s respecting what she says she wants. I wouldn’t let her ruin other family photos by forcing her to take part.

Just get ai to remove it.

Edit the photos to take out the finger. And give her your finger repeatedly.

I'm delighted to read about a 15 year old girl who doesn't like her photo being taken. Beats inane posing and selfies everywhere any day. I'm sorry you lost your childhood photos, but she did tell you she didn't like her photo being taken. It may sound odd in this day and age but having your photo taken when you don't want that is intrusive. I feel you've ignored her boundaries. You could always photoshop out the offending finger? I find it pretty funny TBH.