AIBU to up my hours despite DH objecting?

Okay, but I am talking more generally than that. Did you speak about how you Will work together to parent, expectations around having a parent at home, why you will work PT and what purpose it has in terms of your wider family objectives etc?

Might as well be in your name then, mightened it, given it’s for both of your futures. No need to be in his name.

Exactly the same as yours then.

see - when you reverse the scenarios, then you can see how ridiculous it all is.

That can go wrong in a heartbeat.

He might genuinely intend his savings and pension to be for both of you today, but if you don't do what he wants and end up splitting up he'll do everything in his power to hide or gaslight you into voluntarily renouncing whatever might be your share.

If you stay together then you will be even more trapped in retirement because the money will be even more under his control than now once you've lost the option to earn.

So is your extra half day.

What does he use the rest of his wage for? Do you have any joint savings? Is he contributing to a pension for you or anything?

He sounds like an utter twat. Leave him.

It gets worse. He is, at the very least, very unfair, but from what you have said probably financially abusive.

Right. So like I said before he used the switch roles threat to belittle you, whereas he actually couldn’t/wouldnt do part time/sahd. So how dare he suggest what hours you should or shouldn’t work given that he won’t change his.
reverse this op - if he was offered some overtime for example of a few hours, would he come running to you to check it’s ok, and then would you say ‘no, you can’t, it’ll disrupt the family.’

That wouldn’t matter in the system I described. Only bills etc come out of the joint account. The remainder is then split equally in to personal accounts. You can be as bad as you like with yours, it doesn’t affect him op.

With the exception of your post where you detailed he does help with the kids and cleaning; all your other posts give me horrible vibes.

he seems to say some completely outrageous nonsense, and you seem too scared/intimidated to call him out on it.

this money thing, again we have controlling you raising its head, because you being bad with money is patently nonsense.

He's quite the dick, isn't he?

Noooo. Mumsnet is an education. This is awful @WhiskAverse. I’m sure you know that.
So controlling to not only keep you poor by under supporting you financially, then object to you working more.

I’ve been a fully SAHM and worked FT and everything in between. We always had entirely shared money. But even if you have separate accounts this is financially abusive behaviour.

So in all the time you've been together since the age of 16, did you ever talk about your views on things like parenting roles, conjugal roles, etc?

How old are you now? And oldest kid is about 5, right?

This is a silly idea. Especially if he knows full well that she isn't the type who is going to start living a more frugal life given that she picked high earning him as a partner.

Call his bluff on switching roles - ask him to sit down with you to plan how to cut costs and to look into what you'll be entitled to benefits wise when you are living on your income.

In all honesty it would be in every way better for you to go back full time with the support of him doing the SAHP role "whole heartedly". You'll be able to advance your career and eventually you will earn more, and it will also be much better for your pension, and you'll be in so much better shape if you do divorce.

The odds are very high that he has no intention at all of giving up his career - but if he in turn does call your bluff then great - you'll need to seriously cut costs everywhere and may need to live on a lot of pasta and pasta - maybe meat will be too expensive - but he'll be cooking from scratch and with the children both at school next year will have plenty of time to get creative with shopping for fresh vegetables on offer, chasing the near sell by date stuff etc and maybe growing some vegetables - all part of bringing up the school aged children whole heartedly as a sahd.

Sounds like a win-win.

Did you discuss any of these things before you married?

I do have quite traditional men in my family who do believe that men should financially sustain the household. The thing is, you will know this about them from the first date because they pay for everything and will definitely make this clear before you get serious because they don't want someone who wants a high-flying career.

Did you know op that the way most married couples (where one works FT and the other part plus childcare) do it is to have a joint account where all bills, food, everything for children comes out; and then the remaining money is split 50/50 in to personal accounts for your spending wants. Many parents who do more of the childcare also have pensions paid in to by the working party. Some families do it a bit different, but I’d say that’s the norm. What would he think to that?