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AIBU?

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AIBU to resent my parents focusing on my sister and neglecting me?

33 replies

ThatRareGreySheep · 01/08/2026 17:40

For context, I never fit in at school and any time I had friends my mom would encourage them to leave town. Most of my youth was going around to my sister's dance recitals and not really making any space for me. Bullying and social ostracism were rampant and my sister even joined in on spreading lies and avoiding me so we were never really close.

When I did meet my wife in college after moving far away for it, my sibling tried to convince her to cheat on and leave me while bragging about her BF now Husband wanting to fight with me. My parents refuse to acknowledge any of this to this day and still guilt trip me about their wedding I was not even directly invited to. They also don't believe me when i say i was bullied and asked them on how to deal with it. Instead turning it into victim olympics rather than giving me actionable advice like they gave my sister and actually texting her. I've seen the novel length texts over their shoulders sometimes. It really was a golden child dynamic. I had to go behind their back with a neighbor who let me borrow their car to get my license. Just to be told "we're disappointed in you" and more concerned about insurance.

"you want more than people can give". No I want to be treated like a person. Normal people exchange numbers and message each other quickly. Rarely does it feel like pulling teeth or being told im "annoying" for messaging them once and not pushing it. Thinking they'll get around to it in a few hours, not immediately call me in a blind rage.

"so and so was asking about you." They have my number. Why can they not just text me directly like they do for everyone else? I know its not just me and I'm not alone, but I can't just get over this. My wife has helped a lot when processing all this on my journey while my parents called it "stewing or ruminating".

They even pulled some "have you tried volunteering" reddit platitudes instead of trying to know their other child. More concerned about the feelings of strangers than a child who wasn't their daughter.

OP posts:
ThatRareGreySheep · 02/08/2026 02:13

It's difficult to stop focusing on it when my family continues to bring her up and compare us. I'm not the one introducing the topic.

OP posts:
pepperminticecream · 02/08/2026 02:10

Your focus needs to be on yourself and growing as an adult and not focusing on your sister (your sister is not responsible for the actions of your parents). I am confused as to why you have a financial reliance on your parents--are you still quite young?

ThatRareGreySheep · 02/08/2026 02:02

pepperminticecream · 02/08/2026 01:59

Why haven't you cut them out of your life? I also think if you haven't been to therapy yet then that would be a good place to start. I have seen adults allow their childhoods to ruin their adult lives which is always such a waste. Time to take control of who you allow into your life, get some help and move forward in a healthy way.

Financial reasons mostly.

They forced me to go to therapy several times in high school and college. It was a complete waste of time and even they agreed I didnt need it, I just needed some friends and a sense of belonging in the community. one of the therapists even said that anger is a natural response to being treated like you don't matter.

Meanwhile my golden child sibling? Never had to change a damn thing. It was always "what's wrong with YOU?". Wasn't even invited to the wedding directly and they tried to guilt trip me about not going and would always run her mouth and hurt me. She learned from an early age to just act like a muppet and go "MAAAAHM DAAAHHD!" and they created a monster. Nevermind she'd constantly insult me and spread rumors about me. That's when my mom wasnt insisting i was mentally disabled to everyone who would listen.

Voc rehab was a complete waste of time just scrolling through indeed with a "job developer" every few weeks while I made a report of the hundreds of job listings i put on a google spreadsheet that I never got a callback from and my mom immediately defaults to "employers wont handhold you". Whatever the hell that means. Experiencing Workplace mobbing is very different from not doing your job.

OP posts:
pepperminticecream · 02/08/2026 01:59

Why haven't you cut them out of your life? I also think if you haven't been to therapy yet then that would be a good place to start. I have seen adults allow their childhoods to ruin their adult lives which is always such a waste. Time to take control of who you allow into your life, get some help and move forward in a healthy way.

ThatRareGreySheep · 02/08/2026 01:57

Error404FucksNotFound · 01/08/2026 21:42

Sounds awful.
It would probably be less painful in the long run for you to tell them to lose your number.

My dog dying of old age in their sleep really was a wakeup call to do some inventory and introspection in my life. I dont want to be around people who won't support my goals if i can help it.

I only got my license and had any sort of social life in spite of them and not because of them. My sister ended up a successful yuppie while my parents tried to shove me off onto welfare instead of ever acknowledging what happened to me and building me up. "just put yourself out there" didnt help me. It was blind luck. "just get out of your room" didnt heal the pain of feeling unsafe outside because my parents wouldnt ever defend me from bullies and would side with them. In fact, they'd rather compulsively threaten me with the police whenever they couldnt kick me out for the crime of wanting to tell them about my school day.

As early as 5 years old they were screaming at me until they were blue in the face claiming im "out of control" or would be a sex addict or addicted to drugs, when I never had any of those compulsions. Also Ironic because I've never had any trouble with the law.

OP posts:
ThatRareGreySheep · 02/08/2026 01:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

what does this off topic nitpicking post have to do with anything I've said here? If you have nothing supportive to say, don't say anything.

OP posts:
MaggiesShadow · 01/08/2026 21:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Error404FucksNotFound · 01/08/2026 21:42

Sounds awful.
It would probably be less painful in the long run for you to tell them to lose your number.