AIBU to have snuck through my husband's Gmail.....

Glad it wasn't just me😂

I’d have packed his bags the first time. Don’t put up with this shit from him, he betrayed your trust the first time, you chose to give him a second chance and he’s done it again, personally he wouldn’t have been back in my bed after the first time. If you stay with him he’ll continually lie to you. Make yourself top priority, get rid of him and live a life without always wondering if he’s sending dick pics to people, he’s a repulsive little man. Frankly I wouldn’t give a shit if he was away or not, his stuff would be packed ready to collect on his return.

This is where we are at. Men doing stuff like this.

Mindbogglingly pathetic

That’s really disappointing for you, doesn’t sound like he can really change. Think it’s either accept him for who he is or 👋! Contributing only £700 from 3.5k , I just struggle with that more, it’s almost verging on financial abuse.

Sorry, I got distracted by the fact he only pays £700 into the joint account when he earns that much. How much is agreed individual 'fun money'?

Anyway, it's clear you had an inkling. Time to leave. I'm sorry - you deserve better.

Maybe if you can, don't tell him you know and work on your exit plan....sorry he's such a let down x

Well, OP, you will always be able to say you tried but where do you go from here?
It is highly unlikely he will change and highly unlikely he will ever be honest with you - as you say, unless you find him out.
None of this leads to long-term happiness for you I'm afraid, you will always doubt he is telling you the truth, never mind what he is actually up to, and in the end this will erode your self-respect and self-confidence to such a degree that you will finish up thoroughly miserable and wasting your life on this loser.
It seems you've invested a lot in this relationship but now is the time to bail out sadly.
Spend the time he is away sorting your finances, your plans for the future and so on. And then when he comes back and starts grovelling you will be beyond the stage where you may once have believed his good intentions.
Leopards don't change their spots, what a low-life he is. So sorry.

You can't trust him OP, he's a dirty cheat please leave him. I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

Well done on giving it a go, and trying to work at it together.

However, he’s not kept his side of the bargain, and has even lied to face.

Hes a compulsive cheater.. thats ok or its not

Perhaps you like him, enjoy his company. That’s fine. But he’s not suitable as a romantic or sexual partner, that part has failed. By keeping it private, he has proved he doesn’t want you to be part of his sex life.
admit you aren’t wanted, you are excluded.
he barely even gives you any of his money, let alone his intimate energy.

you’re à poorly paid friend.

Don't try to deal with it long-distance. Use this space to vent and think.

What is your ideal outcome from this situation? What is the likelihood of that ideal outcome?

He is an addict. He does what he does because it makes him feel good and probably nothing else makes him feel as good. Addictions are hard things to break. He's already tried once and failed. It's not looking optimistic. Generally addictions tend to accelerate.

How many times are you prepared to support him while he tries to break his addiction?
If you were the one addicted, how far would he go for you?
Do you still love him?
Do you still respect him?
What kind of life do you want in the future? Realistically, is this a life you can have with him? Would a life without him be worse or better than this life you have right now with him, lies, porn addiction and all?

If he can't break his addiction, what will you do?
Where do you see yourself in 10 years time?

Knowing the answers in your own mind will help you make a plan.

You say you were prepared for relapses and slip ups. If you ask him… how have you been? Have you been thinking about using those sites since quitting therapy? That will give him an opportunity to be honest.

If he lies to you at that point, I suppose then you know.

He doesn’t want to change op, and isn’t going to. You know this. You need to get out now. I’m really sorry you are going through this - don’t make it worse by staying.

With his history the only realistic chance to rebuild trust, if you both agreed to do it, would probably have been to continue therapy as long as it took and for him to be completely transparent with you including showing you his devices upon request or giving you access to them. Yes, this would normally be a violation of his privacy but it is something therapists will normally recommend if not require as part of the process of rebuilding trust that has been totally shattered by the unilateral actions of one partner. So don't get hung up on the fact that it was "wrong" to check his mobile without his explicit consent (even knowing that he would not give consent and would likely have verbally attacked you for asking) - objectively it might have been, but it is fortunate that you did.

From what you have said, it doesn't sound like the commitment was ever there from him that would have let the process of the therapy and rebuilding trust work. And if it's still important to you to fairly evaluate what you did find when you looked - if YOU were someone with his history and genuinely wanted to change and to save your marriage that has been almost destroyed by your activities around porn, would YOU take hundreds of pictures of your penis and store them on your phone as soon as you received it, even if you didn't send them to anyone? Would that be a healthy thing to do that would contribute to your recovery and strengthen your marriage? Probably not.

I'd have left him the first time. Why did you accept there'd be "relapses and slip-ups"? Is this what you want from a relationship? I think it's pretty clear what you do next. You pack your bags - or his. If he can afford cam girls, he can afford therapy. He doesn't want you to "support him through it" and he doesn't want to change. Cut your losses and leave. You can't fix this.

This ^^

How you're feeling now is as good as it gets I'm afraid. If it's not the life you want then you need to bin him because he will never change.

“My husband has a history of compulsive porn use.” This should have been enough for you to put him in the bin

Just leave for goodness sake - is this seriously what you want for the rest of your life?! Know your worth.

This doesn't have to be your life. There is a life of dignity and respect without this incessant betrayal where you can find peace and happiness. You had every reason to look, and you now have every reason to leave. Your marriage has been over for a long time, he doesn't respect you, doesn't even treat you as if he likes you. You deserve to be loved and respected, this ain't it. I'm sorry it had to be this hard 💐

My conversation would consist of "Your bags are in the hallway. Get the hell out of here."

Mumsnet makes me despair about men.

YOU DESERVE BETTER.
This is not harmless, no matter what they were used for (he's hardly wanking to his own dick pics let's be honest)

Again, YOU DESERVE BETTER.

Divorce. No alternative. How low are your standards that you would want to be anywhere near a man who photographs his dick at work?