AIBU to have snuck through my husband's Gmail.....

Op, with love - why are you with him? What is he bringing to the relationship or to you?

It looks like nothing, sure he costs more than £700 a month to keep. It’s not sex. He is lying to you repeatedly. It’s not love, well not from his side. People don’t treat people they love this way, and certainly not repeatedly.

Does he have some sort of magic personality or is it something else that is stopping you from ending it?

You're married to a lying penis photo taking stingy piece of shit. Gather evidence and leave, chuck him out, one or the other. There's no point talking to him about it, he's a cheat. My EX could look me in the eyes and swear on his mother's life that night was day and vice versa, no point talking to someone like that. You deserve better, he's a waste of time. You only have one life don't waste it with him. Good luck

Get some legal and financial advice on separationn/ divorce. Arm yourself with the options and think about what life would look.like without him in it regularly. If you can afford it, you need to call time on this sham arrangement..He has major problems with respect and honesty and he will drag you under if you don't tackle it.

Do you think he might be gay but in denial? .

I spent 2 years dating a guy like this. Chances are he never stopped, they just can't go cold turkey from these things, therapy was never going to be an instant fix, he just found better ways to hide/source it, a second phone, hidden apps on his phone - the calculator app being a common one, though there's others if he knows you know about that one, telegram, even reddit. Assuming if he transfers money into your joint account his salary gets paid into another account - the transaction history on that one will be interesting.

I should have left when I first found out but now I have no self esteem and severe mental health issues as a result.

If I were you I would drop the 'sex addict' explaination. It's serving no one but him. He's not an addict, he's an entitled abuser. Look up Dr Omar Minwalla on integrity abuse/the secret sexual basement and what Lundy Bancroft says about porn addicts.

It's hopeless, OP, I'm sorry. Setting a lot of equally important things aside, that's an ENORMOUS amount he's invested into something that should be of no special interest to him. This kind of obsession will find always an outlet somewhere.

What you should do now is accept that he isn’t the partner that you want, or need.

let go of him.

once you let go, you’ll know what to do. You’ll be free of the burden of trying to fix what’s broke.

You need to leave him now. Enough is enough

Deep down, you know that this is the rest of your life if you stay.

You ask what you should do right now. If I were you, I’d be calling a friend to arrange a meet up. Confide in the friend. Get them to help you make a plan for your separation.

then when he returns home, coldly tell him the marriage is over. And tell him why.

actually, I forgot to suggest your first task should be to take screenshots of the receipts, pics etc. which others have already mentioned.

I'm not sure why you are questioning yourself and accepting this sort of behavior. I honestly don't think all problems/failures/weaknesses are equal when it comes to supporting/accepting from your partner. A porn addiction is really not something I would be supporting him with getting over. Life is too short. Surely you know you deserve better.

Don’t say anything and get to a solicitor. I’d have the ick so bad but he’s also a tight arse. £700 a month? What a joke.

What a gross man. What would you gain from staying with him? How can that be an attractive option for you?

By the time someone posts on here, I think they already know what they truly feel.

I know how hard it can be to accept the truth. À fog of habit, hope, fear, familiarity, can leave us confused. Clarity is your friend in such situations.

Leave him or accept this is how he is. You can’t change him.

This is who he is and it’s not going to change. You deserve better than this.

Jesus Christ Fred! Don't mince your words at OPs expense!

It's not her fault he's a porn hound.

He's enjoying the kick too much now.

Keeping it secret from you adds to the thrills he's feeling.

I've DM'd you.

All the best

I don’t want to sound like I’m just sticking the boot in here but you’ve been so naive (understandably!!) in believing he was ‘just scrolling’. I’d bet any amount of money that you’re painfully wrong there. He’s a complete waste of space, the rank sleazebag. You’d be so much better off without him.

In all honesty he’s not going to change. It doesn’t sound like you are getting much out of this marriage. Are there kids involved? I think for your own sanity you need to split.

Well now you know - he's not going to stop, therapy won't work, and he'll never be honest with you.

Obviously he has taken photos to send to the women he intends to have sex with

You need to raise your game

Get rid

I'd do one of two things, depending on who owns the house.

1. I'd pack and leave while he's away. OR
2. I'd pack up his stuff, dump it outside when he's due home and make sure I'd changed the locks.

Because if you don't do 1 or 2, your life will be 3.

3. He'll continue gaslighting you and wrecking your self esteem until you're too weak to leave.