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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to have snuck through my husband's Gmail.....

195 replies

Kiki92 · 01/08/2026 15:51

A weird one. A random one.

My husband has a history of compulsive porn use. He was secretly spending hundreds of pounds a month on cam sites while telling me he had a low sex drive and rarely wanting sex with me. He would also on and off again download dating apps, paying for the premium versions and scroll... Not chatting to anyone, just scrolling....

I found the truth out seven months ago. Since then, he's been to therapy, got rid of his smartphone for a while, and switched to a basic phone so he couldn't easily access apps. I've been in therapy too.

He's now gone back to using a smartphone, saying he needs it for banking and other everyday things. He's also stopped therapy because he says he can't afford it. For context, he earns around £3.5k a month and contributes £700 to our joint account... He gets PISSED OFF whenever I mention anything about the past.

He's away this weekend. I logged onto the family computer to do a food shop and realised he'd left his Gmail account signed in. I know I shouldn't have looked, but I did. I know, terrible....

While I was looking, I found his Google Photos. There were a large number of photos of his penis that appear to have been taken recently, many of them seemingly at work. They weren't sent to me... He's also been paying for cam girls again. He tried to delete the automated email invoices, but missed a few...

In my head, he's sending dick pics to people... What else could it be? Really?

I obviously don't want to have the conversation over text when he's away.... But I'm upset. What do I do?! Right now, what do I do? I can't focus on anything. I was looking forward to the time alone, but I'm just so sad.

OP posts:
Keepgettingolder81 · 01/08/2026 21:12

Leave and do not look back…

CocksBolingey · 01/08/2026 21:07

What do you mean, what do you do?
You leave him. That’s what you do.

Mischance · 01/08/2026 21:06

Oh just get out. I read these posts and my heart sinks - do women have so little self-respect that they truly think they deserve to put up with this stuff?

Leave him to his wanking and get the life you deserve.

Men and their bloody dicks .....

Littlejellyuk · 01/08/2026 21:05

Get your ducks in a row 🦆🦆🦆

Take screenshots of everything 📷
Invoices
Payments
Emails
Bank statements
Text messages

Get all your info and be smart. 💯
He is an addict by the sounds of it.
He will become adept at hiding his addiction and he will deny deny deny.

Only you can decide if you want to stay with someone who treats you this way.

Personally I would be seeing a solicitor....
@Kiki92

Gettingbysomehow · 01/08/2026 20:48

LTDP

Leave the disgusting pervert. I left mine. Good luck.

Lsquiggles · 01/08/2026 20:40

By messaging him about it what are you hoping for? You have the proof he's lied and done it again or even worse he never stopped.

worldshottestmom · 01/08/2026 20:39

Also, when he immediately throws back in your face the old "omg you were snooping!!!! Why would you do that!!!" Just tell him and his 2 remaining brain cells to go figure it out while you pack your bags and live a life not playing second fiddle to random girls online.

worldshottestmom · 01/08/2026 20:36

Well, let's think about this for a minute. If he found photos of your tits and vagina on your PC that he hadn't received, you were paying for cam boys and paying for premium tinder to, er, 'scroll', what do you think he would do?

He would leave you because it is cheating. But it's somehow ok because he's a man? No no no. In no reality is that true. Leave him, like he would leave you. Also worse he stopped then just did it again. He doesn't respect you and he never will. Leave.

HollyhocksandPeons · 01/08/2026 20:28

Leave this scum, just leave. Dirt consumes in so many ways - dirt consumed him totally, he is beyond saving, but if you don't leave him, dirt will consume you in other ways - you will be nervous, always on the lookout, you will live with the feeling of dirt around you. Leave this scum.

OneFineDay22 · 01/08/2026 20:24

Kiki92 · 01/08/2026 16:47

I've asked him many times... I always get the same. "I've not used them. I've thought about it, but I'm proud of myself and haven't done anything."
He doesn't tell me the truth unless I catch him out.

Show quote history

That’s that then I suppose. I’m so sorry he’s broken your trust, and so repeatedly. He clearly has an addiction that is outside of his control, but it’s not on you to keep picking up the pieces 💐

whistlesandbells · 01/08/2026 20:21

My ex husband was this person, maybe he still is. It does not get better, they are broken. It’s not your job to fix. Get out now. If you can do so amicably and with as little emotional damage as possible, all the better. These men are highly dangerous - emotionally and financially.

AgentJohnson · 01/08/2026 20:16

This man is a compulsive liar and you snooped because you know it. The therapy was performative and he clearly thinks enough time has passed where he no longer feels the need to ‘perform’.

He is never going to be the man you want him to be, accept it and move on, or waste more of your time waiting for the other shoe to drop.

The balls in your court.

LBFseBrom · 01/08/2026 20:13

You do not need this man, he is gross.

JoyousWriter · 01/08/2026 20:08

Please leave him.

safetyfreak · 01/08/2026 20:07

Why is he only putting £700 into the joint account when he earns £3.5k per month?

You will likely get more money divorced, and you won't have a perve living with you. Win, win.

ShrubLover · 01/08/2026 20:07

YABU to stay in this relationship fgs where is your bar? In hell?

justintimeforxmas · 01/08/2026 20:03

BoatHome · 01/08/2026 19:46

Your first mistake was thinking her was paying premium memberships on dating sites just to scroll. The line between “free content” and paid has been crossed for a reason and it’s not the reason you hope to believe.

He has proven there is no hope in this relationship anymore.

Hes going as far as taking pictures of his dick to send to others , presumably on those dating sites he was just scrolling.
And doing so in a professional setting. That’s the risks he takes.

leg it. Now

and forget about the guilt of looking. If I were you know I’d be in his Google locations too

Edited

Yes, I would be checking as much as possible.

My ex has an addiction - different type but an addiction is an addiction. I would be gathering as much evidence as possible so you get a full picture. Do you have access to his bank records ?

CurlewKate · 01/08/2026 19:53

Change the locks.

BoatHome · 01/08/2026 19:46

Your first mistake was thinking her was paying premium memberships on dating sites just to scroll. The line between “free content” and paid has been crossed for a reason and it’s not the reason you hope to believe.

He has proven there is no hope in this relationship anymore.

Hes going as far as taking pictures of his dick to send to others , presumably on those dating sites he was just scrolling.
And doing so in a professional setting. That’s the risks he takes.

leg it. Now

and forget about the guilt of looking. If I were you know I’d be in his Google locations too

Sensiblesal · 01/08/2026 19:42

Kiki92 · 01/08/2026 17:56

I'm struggling not to bring it up. He keeps messaging me whilst away, and I'm just in no place to say something civil.

I'm just not going to get any peace tonight if I don't say something.

All of my friends are busy. I'm home alone, climbing the walls.

Block him for the rest of the weekend.

look I don’t agree you should have looked but given the situation its no wonder you have trust issues.

were you having issues prior to all this starting? By that I mean have you kind of fell into companionship and no intimacy? Or rowing all the time. He obviously choose to seek what he thought he was missing and went down a very grubby path.

take tonight and tomorrow to think about what you want and speak to him when he gets home.

Jane143 · 01/08/2026 19:38

ThatRareGreySheep · 01/08/2026 18:11

fuck this site. "you should divorce him". women are their own worst enemy.

Why?

Merc123 · 01/08/2026 19:22

Ugh, so sorry to hear someone else is going through the identical thing I am (gambling, alcohol rlapse and come to find out an attempted fling..but its all still the same underlying issue), as of Wednesday. Thats a whole other post with several issues to contend with though.

Its crushing and demoralizing and you feel like "why wasnt I enough"...but its not you, its him. And its seems as though he is unwilling to change so as everyone else has said, its time to part ways. Just not worth wasting time on someone who doesnt appreciate you. The older you get you get if you stayed you would likely look back and regret wasting time with someone who continually makes you feel undesired and unattractive when soooo many others out there would treat you how you deserve to be treated...or you will do that for yourself without being bogged down by his bs. Bet after the dust settles he'll realize he's left with some hefty bills and his own overworked hand and not much else...while you'll have happily moved on. Easier said than done though...and thats coming from someone 17yrs in and 1 day out from poo hitting the fan. ((Hugs))

Sharmelbreak · 01/08/2026 19:19

This is one of those threads that I read and I just think what is the point? I’m all for working through issues in relationships, but what is this relationship bringing to your life? You’ve given him one chance, he’s at it again. What are his good points?

Horses7 · 01/08/2026 19:15

YANBU for searching or realising things are not going to change.
You’ve got to ask yourself …. am I able to live with this man and his severe porn addiction?
Personally I couldn’t after finding all this out the first time, never mind after therapy etc.

2O26 · 01/08/2026 19:10

justintimeforxmas · 01/08/2026 18:52

I assumed money would be sent in at the start of the
month. If my ex had only 700 out of 3500 at the end of the month I would definitely want to know why and where it all went. Whereas if he is only paying 700 at the start of the month because that’s what they agreed, then that is different?
Still doesn’t answer why he is contributing such a small amount.

Show quote history

He contributes a measly £700, so he has enough money left for cam sites. So, not only does he frequent those platforms, he prioritizes spending the money on them and not on his family. What a creep!