AIBU to feel overwhelmed by my daughter’s severe clothing sensory issues?

hanro.co.uk for underwear.

That book is brilliant. I think there’s a teen version too - never got round to buying it though as my DD manages her sensory stuff herself pretty well these days.

Might not be right for your dd but mine has found the softest skinny tshirt at Brandy Melville that she can wear happily and it looks great. I found a very similar one at Tescos too! Feels seamless somehow.

Few thoughts - sorry haven't read full thread so apologies if repeats

Socks, knickers, crop tops - worn inside out so seams on outside

Asda and m and s do 'easy dressing' ranges for children with disabilities, and within these there are items which are made for sensory needs

The book 'the out of sync child' can help with sensory strategies in general. I'm a children's physio and we get lots of parents raise these concerns. It generally comes under SI OT rather than physio, but our OT wait list is very long, and only a couple are sensory trained, so I wanted to educate myself in what was going on and some basic strategies. It's written for parents rather than health professionals.

That sounds tough OP.
DD has issues with clothing too but has managed it by avoiding certain items, wearing socks and tshirts inside out at home but she will tolerate uncomfortable fashionable clothes out but changes the second she’s home and lives in the softest pyjamas and socks.

Could your DD try wearing a seamless body suit underneath the fashionable clothes she wants to wear? This site is good: https://sensorysmart.co.uk/collections/clothing?page=3&grid_list=grid-view

Yes! Fourteen year old here, diagnosed AuDHD, and basically lives in old, soft, pyjamas. I managed to find some jersey shorts from Next that she’ll tolerate, but T-shirts are a minefield.

No advice, I’m afraid, but I feel your pain. Thankfully her school were wonderful, as she can’t tolerate the tie, the PE kit, or shoes. She did wear her jumper and blazer all year round though…

I feel your pain OP. My DD has sensory issues around clothes but luckily she's not too fussed about looking fashionable and just sticks to what she finds comfortable (jeans, t-shirts, hoodie, and trainers half a size too big). I'm not sure what to advise if she's really keen to wear what her friends are wearing. Could you get some private autism support?

Sounds horrendous. However there is no solution if she can’t deal with any clothing touching her skin but also wants to wear clothing that looks like it is tight fitting. That’s the answer really - she sadly needs to realise that it’s oxymoronic.

Could you take her to have some items made for her by a tailor to set specifications?

You can buy seamless underwear at M&S and Sloggi.

Could she wear the flowy dresses she is comfortable with but in more adult prints. Perhaps similar to nerdywave.

Well she’s got two choices hasn’t she , either wear what her friends wear or don’t and wear loose baggy clothes . Not sure it’s possible to have it all ways .

Rather than wasting hundreds of pounds on clothes she won’t wear, maybe it would be worth diverting some of that money to private psychological support for your DD?

Ref trousers

Have you tried dungerees or jump suits without any tightness at the waist ?

Have you looked at BAM clothing? It's all very comfortable and loose yet pretty fashionable. Very soft fabric. Or Boody. They do loose jumpsuits that don't touch anywhere.

I feel for you, op. My dd's sensory issues weren't as pronounced but I've been left feeling quite desperate in trying to find clothing for her to wear. She's 13 now and we can laugh (just about) about the difficulty of getting her to wear socks and shoes in her younger days.

The advice I can offer is to try to remember this is a difficulty you are facing together. I completely disagree with the pps implying she needs to just get used to putting up with clothings that feel intolerable, that's an attitude that shows someone doesn't understand autism.

The biggest thing that helped us was giving dd a lot of control over whether she wanted to stick with the safe items of clothing or try something new that she liked the style of. The less pressure she was under, the more she felt able to experiment and the find a style that was a compromise between the feel and look. She also got a lot of support from her older dsis and her friends in developing her own style that isn't the same as the dc at school, do you know any older teens who might be able to support around that? The acceptance of older teens was helpful to combat pre-teen nonsense about having to fit in.

An OT with sensory regulation experience might be helpful. I've found advice from a colleague in this role extremely helpful. My dd can tolerate more of sensations she doesn't like if preferred sensory experiences are also increased. So, if she's having to wear a new pair of school shoes, she might also wear a velvet scrunchie round her wrist to stroke, or a perfume to smell. It's helped her to be able to sooth herself discreetly.

Making it a shared problem has helped me too. There was a point where I felt like I was expected to do the impossible - to find identical fashionable clothing that met dd's needs. It wasn't possible. Open conversations about what was the best option, and accepting that it might be the "best of a bad lot of choices" reduced the tension.

I wish you all the best!

As a ridiculously curious person I spend an unreasonable amount of time time looking these things up on Google and also the acronyms that get thrown blithely around as though we should all know what they mean.

My post was a cry for help really, but I'm probably beyond it.

That sounds like a good way forward.

I guess I'm luckier in that teens who have sensory issues have been less bothered by trends and fashionale brands - though also not been able to buy loads of options.

I think DD1 started making her own clothes and DD2 adjusting bought ones becuase they have issues with so much. They also won't try wearing things just because their mates ware them - they seem more aware of their own limits than I was at older ages. I have also tended to provide clothes options in their draws and they sort what they wear from relatively young ages - rather than me tell what to put on seems to help as well.

They have been pains about some items - DD2 is a mare about style fit and material of trousers - so if I find some she likes tend to get more. Socks are a partular nightmare and they often wear not when not out which is fine.

I do agree with PP though this sounds like more than sensory issues and I would look at OCD.

This a million percent. A diagnosis will certainly add validity to what she is experiencing so of course it’s essential and valuable. But it could take ages and won’t in itself offer up any practical solutions right now . The key might be to focus on relaxation techniques and working on slowly increasing her window of tolerance. Of all the clothes she’s got and rejected, help her choose the least threatening/ least uncomfortable to her and work on having her wear it for gradually increasing amounts of time while taking deep breaths and reminding herself of the key messages such as this feels uncomfortable but I can manage it and these clothes are not going to hurt me.
I was also thinking of like nice soft vests/base layer type things that might reduce any feelings of friction from her clothing. Not ideal when it warm of course but might be worth thinking about.

google it and see that things exists if you’re that interested?

Fwiw this is also an insanely trendy brand (at least at my DDs private school!) so if you can get her into it, then it's win win!

Sorry, I haven't read beyond this post.

Do you have an autistic teen. I do and I appreciate every single thing the OP has said and understand how she must be feeling.

Op, my DS has similar issues but not as severe. I can't tell you how many pairs of socks I've bought to find ones that can be tolerated. And how he refuses to wear more than three pairs of 'sleep shorts' as underpants as he can't wear any other style and primark have stopped selling the ones he has.

Or how he had to wear the same pair of black primark trainers for his final two years in private school as he couldn't tolerate leather shoes (thank god for the sensible private school SLT who could see that it was soft trainers or he wouldn't be able to access school).

Its wretchedly hard as a parent and I think doubly so for the parents of autistic girls who have so much more social pressure regarding clothes.

Op I don't have any other advice but my heart goes out to you. This will pass and one day you will be able to support another parent with your lessons learned.

🌻

You have my sympathy..my 13 year old daughter is autistic and was like that up until about 2 years ago,she kind of grew out of it but school uniform was hell in primary school, she wore a long stretchy skirt that made her look amish

@PrivateAye My dd is 20 now but sounds very similar to your dd. She was diagnosed with sensory issues when she was little but as she got older she also diagnosed with OCD.
It's very difficult but you need to back away from trying to help her with the clothing for now.
Once she has clean clothes that fit her just put them in her room and leave it at that.
Let her wear what she wants around the house, my dd likes loose vest and shorts pjs.
Your daughter knows she needs to be dressed to leave the house.
Give her plenty of notice about where she will be going and what she will be doing.
Leave her to dress herself and say nothing about what she chooses.
Take all the emotion out of it. She won't go out naked.
Believe me when I say you will not find the perfect clothes, they don't exist.
She will gradually come to find what she likes or can tolerate.
My dd is not interested in fashion. She sticks to what she is comfortable in.
She is in University now and has good friends. They don't exclude her because she doesn't dress fashionably. The early teen years are very difficult. Good luck with everything.

Kindly - imagine/ Pretend you are very poor and cannot afford to manage the situation this way by buying a mountain of clothes that will ultimately be disregarded and think about what you would have to do instead ?

My daughter has adhd and struggles to an extent.
there is a brand called les frans in urban outfitters that do very soft slouchy teen wear. She wears them a lot. I also struggle a little and I love Lucy and yak