Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Summer holiday DH resentment!

119 replies

Lillyofthevalleyblooms · 01/08/2026 11:59

Anyone else absolutely resent their DH during the summer holidays? He just fucks off first thing in the morning. Waltzes back in at around 7:30pm might just mention that he’s off to a “meeting” or “choir practice” which then leads to a pint with his mates (this happens about 2/3 times a week) Meanwhile im a prisoner in my own home with 2 crazy kids trying to WFH 3 days a week with no ability to just leave my own home without kids screaming, fights needing sorting, clothes to change, socks to find etc etc. If I mentioned last minute to my DH that I “had a meeting” (committee meetings not work meetings) and did it about 3 times a week there would be uproar!! Literally hating my life and the situation im in right now, found myself resenting the kids yesterday! I packed them into the car at 9:00pm the other evening because we were home alone yet again just to go for a spin in the car so i could delay bedtime as much as possible . Filling our days with activities never goes well because they HATE leaving the house 🙈

OP posts:
Naurrr · 01/08/2026 12:37

His mother is irrelevant, we are only as trapped as we want to be. Do nothing for the man, enjoy the quiet, start the divorce and seek employment. (Edited to say work full time)
You're in control of your future.

Motheranddaughter · 01/08/2026 12:36

Lillyofthevalleyblooms · 01/08/2026 12:13

No they dont have special needs, they just love being home. They were not in bed because DH waltzed in that night at 7:30, ruined the bed time routine, wanted his supper announced he was off to a meeting, wanted me to pick out his clothes, wash a certain shirt, iron it, clean it, by the time i went to start the bedtime routine again they were overstimulated and i was worse so i snapped and said i need to get out of here and they came with.

Seriously
Tell him to iron his own shirt as a start to getting equality into your relationship

ErickBroch · 01/08/2026 12:36

Oh god you post about him too often over the years and his parents. Leave!!!

Lillyofthevalleyblooms · 01/08/2026 12:36

friedaklein · 01/08/2026 12:29

I am of Indian heritage. Indian men often do nothing. But I married an Indian man who can cook, clean and look after kids. And I brought up my son the same way.

Believe me my son is being taught right much to the disgust of my mother in law. “What do you mean you make them put tgeir plates in the sink?!” “What do you mean they have to put their clothes in the washing machine” “what do you mean they help you make their lunch boxes?” “ what do you mean he can naked a cup of tea??!” These are all things shes actually said

OP posts:
pikkumyy77 · 01/08/2026 12:34

Let him “be in a mood.” Who cares? Tell him to have his mother wash his clothes. Look for a full time job and put the children in summer camp.

Or count this summer as the last that you will tolerate this. Grit your teeth and bear it. Look for full time work. Plot your escape.

Lillyofthevalleyblooms · 01/08/2026 12:33

Iloveeverycat · 01/08/2026 12:29

You should have started as you meant to go on when you married. Why have you waited so long.

Because it took an extra 2 kids to break me

OP posts:
Loulou4022 · 01/08/2026 12:33

Lillyofthevalleyblooms · 01/08/2026 12:13

No they dont have special needs, they just love being home. They were not in bed because DH waltzed in that night at 7:30, ruined the bed time routine, wanted his supper announced he was off to a meeting, wanted me to pick out his clothes, wash a certain shirt, iron it, clean it, by the time i went to start the bedtime routine again they were overstimulated and i was worse so i snapped and said i need to get out of here and they came with.

I hope you did none of that! Why on earth are you choosing his clothes is he 3?!!! And if he can’t get home at a reasonable time for his supper and you’re doing kids bedtime then he needs to sort his own food or reheat whatever you all had!!
He will continue to keep treating you like this because you are pandering to him! He needs to grow the fuck up!!

Lillyofthevalleyblooms · 01/08/2026 12:33

DysmalRadius · 01/08/2026 12:30

Edited because it took so long to load/post that it was all irrelevant by the time it appeared!

Edited

No hes a farmer…

OP posts:
pinkandwhiteroses · 01/08/2026 12:32

Lillyofthevalleyblooms · 01/08/2026 12:28

What can i say, thought he would respect me enough to help

But your kids are school age now so why are you still waiting? He clearly doesn't respect you so you need to respect yourself.

Lillyofthevalleyblooms · 01/08/2026 12:32

pikkumyy77 · 01/08/2026 12:30

I suppose you are caught in the “farm boy trap”? He works for his parents in the expectation of inheriting but he owns nothing? So if you split you get nothing? No house to sell? No pension to split?

Yup

OP posts:
MidnightPatrol · 01/08/2026 12:31

How are you WFH three days a week with two children there?

Lillyofthevalleyblooms · 01/08/2026 12:31

Shudacudawuda · 01/08/2026 12:30

What would happen if you just didn't do it washing/ironing his shirts etc)?

He wouldn’t go, hed give me the silent treatment, ring his mates to say he wasnt coming because i was stopping him and in a mood about it

OP posts:
DarkForces · 01/08/2026 12:31

He's not going to change so you need to. It sounds like you don't like him let alone love him. What's keeping you there? And are you willing to pay the cost of leaving? There's no easy option but only one has any light at the end of the tunnel

pikkumyy77 · 01/08/2026 12:30

I suppose you are caught in the “farm boy trap”? He works for his parents in the expectation of inheriting but he owns nothing? So if you split you get nothing? No house to sell? No pension to split?

DysmalRadius · 01/08/2026 12:30

Edited because it took so long to load/post that it was all irrelevant by the time it appeared!

Lillyofthevalleyblooms · 01/08/2026 12:30

Iloveeverycat · 01/08/2026 12:28

I know a lot of people complain about there husbands on here that they don't help out much but I have never seen anyone say they are not at all capable of doing anything.

i mean i could record what happens when i tell him im going out. I started a part time job at a restaurant doing evening shifts once, my eldest (8 at the time) made super. I quit.

OP posts:
Shudacudawuda · 01/08/2026 12:30

What would happen if you just didn't do it washing/ironing his shirts etc)?

Iloveeverycat · 01/08/2026 12:29

Lillyofthevalleyblooms · 01/08/2026 12:26

I am regretting my life choices every single fucking day.

You should have started as you meant to go on when you married. Why have you waited so long.

friedaklein · 01/08/2026 12:29

I am of Indian heritage. Indian men often do nothing. But I married an Indian man who can cook, clean and look after kids. And I brought up my son the same way.

Lillyofthevalleyblooms · 01/08/2026 12:28

pinkandwhiteroses · 01/08/2026 12:23

And yet you picked him and procreated with him Hmm

What a prize he sounds.

What can i say, thought he would respect me enough to help

OP posts:
Iloveeverycat · 01/08/2026 12:28

Lillyofthevalleyblooms · 01/08/2026 12:22

If we were bot married his mummy would still be waiting on him hand and foot. She still does when he is down the farm. He showed up to a family gathering once without a coat. I was a terrible wife.

I know a lot of people complain about there husbands on here that they don't help out much but I have never seen anyone say they are not at all capable of doing anything.

pinkandwhiteroses · 01/08/2026 12:27

Lillyofthevalleyblooms · 01/08/2026 12:26

I am regretting my life choices every single fucking day.

You should only regret your choices if you insist on staying married to such a useless specimen.

friedaklein · 01/08/2026 12:27

You are enabling him and nothing will change unless you stop being a martyr.

Lillyofthevalleyblooms · 01/08/2026 12:26

pinkandwhiteroses · 01/08/2026 12:25

I'm absolutely with you, honestly. Some people need to take responsibility for their own choices in life.

I am regretting my life choices every single fucking day.

OP posts:
Lillyofthevalleyblooms · 01/08/2026 12:26

Crushed23 · 01/08/2026 12:23

I literally have ZERO sympathy for women in your position, OP.

I don’t give a fuck if that makes me a heartless ghoul, it’s the truth.

You chose a useless cunt of a husband then HAD MULTIPLE CHILDREN with said useless cunt, and now you’re scratching your head as to how you got here? Give me a break.

It’s been a while since I’ve felt despair at a thread and I’m on holiday right now so more chilled than usual (mind you, I’ve had a drink).

Yeah part of me thought i would stupidly be an excellent little house wife turns out i dont like it

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread