AIBU to feel upset after my husband liked a hurtful reel?

This marriage is no longer tenable.

He needs to leave for both your sakes.

He’s making himself into the victim when it’s his own actions and decisions that caused the issue. I’d feel the same OP.

The crux of it is this, OP.

He has been inappropriate previously with other women - sleeping with a friend/messaging

This has knocked your confidence in yourself, in him and in the relationship.

The fact the woman is Latina, in the context of the reel he liked, is that you feel it is a casual expression of his true feelings and an indication of where his attraction truly lies.

Honestly, it shouldn't be this difficult. You dont trust him, you don't feel attractive to him and that isn't going to get any better nor I've you gong to feel any better about yourself while you're in the relationship.

You shouldn't he crying this much.

I'd end it. Surely you can see that being single and at peace would be better than feeling like this.

@cantumblershavestems To be blunt OP:

If men talking to other women is an issue, then why not have a relationship with a man who does not speak to women?

You’re married to this guy right? Which means he must be the love of your life? Or very close to it? Should the love of your life behave like this? Should being married to the love of your life make you feel like this? No. Bin him.

He sounds like a manipulative sleaze who has form.
His poor me schtick is just bullshit.
You know he's not trustworthy and you are bending yourself out of shape over it.

Don't allow this creep to mess up your mental health.
He's not worth it.

He's not going to change, he is who he has always been, a lying sleaze.

I hope you don't have children with him.
If not, get out of this relationship asap.

You deserve better, not driving yourself mad over a loser.

I don't know why you're getting such a hard time on here OP. He's given you more than one reason not to trust him. You saw he liked a reel that hit a nerve without digging or policing his social media - I would be upset too! And the only reason you know of that he would be sad is remorse over his own shitty actions. Was it performative sadness? How dare you not console him and make it all better?!
Would it go down well if you asked him if he was sad about anything else? In a checking in kind of way? If he's not, he's being pathetic.

Gosh you sound like hard work, the pair of you all the bloody drama. You’d no intention of leaving him did you. The pair of you just love the drama.

This. If he makes you miserable leave him

Oh yes, and dump him! Life really is too short.

I mean you accepted early on that he was a cheater and decided that's the one for me so you can't be that shocked that he's sleezing around with other potential victims.

I presume people misunderstanding OP are either doing so deliberately or have never been on Facebook/Twitter/Instagram/MySpace/Bebo etc. I see things in my feed that have been liked by my friends quite often.

I think once trust has gone it is very very difficult to come back from that. He's already cheated on you, he's not a nice person who takes your relationship seriously.
He makes you cry.
Time to get some self-esteem back. He can say what he wants to you but his actions are what you judge him on. His actions show he doesn't mean the apologies.

I wouldn't over analyse it-probably easier to stay off each other's channels.

This isn't about him liking an Instagram post, and you shouldn't have written the thread as though it was.

I think you posted about him recently, and got more relevant advice because you included the pertinent information earlier.

He doesn't value you.
He wants other women to find him attractive.
He's not going to change.

"Another morning crying"? How many mornings crying have there been? There's probably a lot more to this story than your partner watching a dodgy reel. I would look at finding some tools, maybe therapy to build up your self-esteem, and start to question whether you can go forward with your partner or not.

I don’t understand why you are crying all the time? Surely that’s no way to live. You obviously don’t trust him, why do you want to stay together?

So he’s a longstanding cheat / sleaze and having been caught out with his latest cheating / sleazing feels sorry for himself and makes his self absorption, sexism and sleaziness public on social media.

You had and still have better options than this!

You struggle to trust him because he’s not trustworthy. Stop trying to argue or control him into being a good, loving man. You can’t! He will continue to lie and betray you and mope about it and whine about how mean you are unril the heat death of the universe. That is his idea of a normal relationship. And it seems, deep down, to be yours. This is the best it gets:crying every day and begging or hectoring him to behave.

If you want something different you need to do something different. Just boot him out.

i get what you mean but I don't think anyone else would notice that would they? But yeh if public embarrassment is the reason OP is upset about the real then fair enough

Yanbu and I’m unsure why you’re getting such a hard time tbh.

Your dh lied and broke your trust. The reel indicates that rather than reflecting on his behaviour and bending over backwards to try and make it up to you, he’s blaming you. That is very hurtful to you. The fact that he’s moping around rather than getting help or speaking to you doesn’t bode well either.

Look there may well be something underlying going on with your dh, he may be struggling. But unless he learns to speak up about his problems he will remain in this damaging pattern of distracting himself with flirtations, or eventually, possibly an affair.

I don’t know your dh but this pattern is very common with avoidant people. They bury their problems and think they are fine, but resentment quietly builds up in the background and they begin to blame their partner for not noticing things the plethora of issues they are actively burying.

I have painful experience of this and unless he is ready to seek professional help from a therapist I don’t think it will improve. This has to come from him and not you and he may not be willing to do this. Without help your dh may feel guilty but guilt rarely stops people from falling into harmful patterns of behaviour, only genuine remorse and repair can fix it.

I don't think the reel thing is like writing in a diary becuase it's a lot more public and anyone who follows him can see that he's liked it, and it is telling about the state of his relationship with OP.

And the way she wants it isn’t too clear, since he cheated when they were first dating, but that didn’t put the kibosh on things though it’d have been a damn good idea.

I'm not sure why people keep saying you are policing his social media when you have clearly explained why you saw the reel. And I get why him liking that particular reel has upset you in the context of your recent argument.

Why do you say 'another weekend, another morning crying' though? Have there been many things he has done that have made you cry over the years? If so, why stay? Neither of you sound happy here.

Well it sounds like you have a reason to be upset about his interactions with this other woman. You need to get to the bottom of that and either forgive him or not.

Liking the reel on instagram is neither here nor there- that's controlling behaviour from you. It's like being angry because you found something he wrote in his diary. It sounds like he's unhappy about some things in the relationship. I understand why that's upsetting, but the solution is to talk about it, not get angry with him for having feelings.