AIBU to feel upset after my husband liked a hurtful reel?

You sound hard work, tbh.

You can clearly see when someone has liked certain videos it’s not policing when it comes up in your feed. It’s also incredibly passive aggressive way of showing someone how you feel. He sounds like a wimp and a prick rolled into one.

It sounds like there are deeper rooted issues that you haven’t gotten to the bottom of in the marriage. Could you suggest some couples counseling? If I’m honest I just couldn’t live with feeling the anxiety that comes with thinking that one person who is supposed to have your back and so much more has been deceitful and worse.

I think this is the bigger issue and what you should be focussing on, he is taking your pain and discomfort at what he did and making it about him being a victim. I wouldn’t over stress the Reel point with him, not because it’s invalid but because it distracts from the real issue. His moping is not a solution, if he is truly remorseful he needs to be focussing on your feelings, mending what he broke, and making it up to you in a meaningful way, and that’s what I would be telling him if you really want this relationship to continue (and honestly alongside the cheating early in your relationship and lying I would be having a long think about if his good qualities are truly that special and outweighs the background that will always be there for you)

It's not really about telling him what he can and can't like, it's about being upset that he thinks that way, if he said those words to her she'd also be upset.

And by doing it publicly where any of his friends and family can see it then it's like saying that out loud to them.

Of course no one is going to like that and they will think it's unacceptable, that's not being controlling.

It's such a stupid thing to like, everyone and anyone on his social media may end up seeing that he liked it so he's essentially airing some of his dirty laundry online for no reason whatsoever, just for the sake of giving a public like.

I'm sure if the situations were reversed he wouldn't like it either

You aren’t compatible. End of.

Are you sure he didn’t like the reel by accident? When my husband and I went through something similar, suddenly my Instagram was awash with reels and stories eerily similar to what we were going through. I accidentally clicked like on one, then immediately “unliked” it, but it still notified others that I’d liked the reel. I completely understand why you’re super sensitive to things like this at this time, but to him it could be something of nothing.
The bigger question is: do you trust him? If not, would you both be open to couples therapy? It’s ultimately what saved my marriage.
Wishing you lots of luck.

And??

OP you're getting an unnecessary hard time on here. People aren't reading your updates and just responding to your original post.

You're not controlling and I think Sunibee has a point here. Your maybe not mad at the actual Instagram post, it's more the culmination of things and his 'woe is me' behaviour and unfortunately he is unable to have an adult conversation about it all.

I'm not sure if you'll be able to resolve this as he sounds very immature. Honestly, you'd be happier without him. Think about ending the relationship, be single and work on yourself. You don't need to put up with a partner who behaves like that.

OP you don't trust him because he's not trustworthy. I don't know why people are so obsessed with you being upset about him liking a reel - they seem to be purposefully missing the whole point - but that's typical MN.

I think you're best off leaving if you can. He started the relationship by lying and cheating on you and you should have just ended things then, he'd already set you up to fail.

The "little sister" justification 🙄

I'm presuming/hoping this is sarcasm.

Yes. So I think what you are mad about is his victim narrative- which you already knew- him moping around calling himself the devil. The instagram like itself is neither here nor there- that's just more evidence you have of how he feels. It's not that liking the post was wrong- he's entitled to do so, it's that he obviously isn't getting why his behaviour was wrong. So that's what you need to address with him. Forget the instagram like. Ask him if he recognises why he was wrong , and have that conversation out.

OP men like this never change. You will always feel insecure with him. Both men and women should make their partners feel like the only beautiful thing that exists (even if privately we sometimes see people we like) but instagram is a very public platform

Sorry but likes online are very important.

Sorry @cantumblershavestems youve attracted the usual AIBU contrarians who are determined that any OP must be in the wrong, and if they can throw in a bit of a ‘double standards mumsnet hates the poor men’ bollocks as well then even better.

It’s really not hard to understand your point. Take the (secret) messaging of other women out of it, if my husband had done something that hurt me and jeopardised our marriage, then proceeded to like memes/ reels about that very thing, which implied that I was the one in the wrong all along - yes I’d be very hurt.

It would seem he thinks he’s the real victim here.

also the tell sounds a bit pathetic and ‘urgh women are awful what about men’s mental health’ incel bollocks so I’d think less of him for engaging in that shit even without the preceding context.

Hi. Sorry you are getting a hard time on here. I think it comes down to actions speak louder than words. He is doing things to actively hurt you no matter how much he denies it. I think you have to believe what he is doing over what he’s saying. Maybe ask for some time and space to really think about what you want? It may also give you a break from the crying and being upset.

But you are getting angry that he liked something- so it is controlling what he can and can't like.
If him liking that reel made you feel there are unresolved issues that you need to address then discuss those rather than getting angry about an instagram like.

OP can’t you see that he doesn’t care about your feelings? He clearly thinks that you should be consoling him about “feeling sad” rather than considering the possibility that you’re feeling even sadder than him.
Or he thinks that your stupid so wouldn’t catch him out again.

Why are you staying in a relationship where you’re so miserable? You’d both be happier - you won’t be disrespected and crying and he can message as many hotties as he likes. How can you love this manchild who is sulking because you’ve seen his true colours?

Why does he do it?
No one can say with 100% certainly, but my money would be on him being a cheating arsehole based on your posts on this thread and previous about him.

He is 'sad' because you have called him out on it instead of shutting up and letting him carry on. Except that he will stop sulking and keep doing it because this is who he has repeatedly shown he is and keeps getting away with it.

You can't stop him. You can only choose how you respond to what he does.

You decided to open a thread about him having had the audacity to like a reel, and yet you are claiming that you aren’t trying to police what he does?
I wonder what his reaction would be to this thread that was started because he decided to like a reel that had resonated with him at the time.

With all due respect, focus on your actual problems and not the symptoms. You already know what the real issue is so why waste your energy on social media content drama.

If you are telling what he can’t/ can’t like you are being controlling.
Neither of you sound happy in this relationship or even able to communicate openly without adding drama. Someone on this thread suggested couple counselling which is probably your best and only option to resolve your issues unless you decide to leave.