I know I’m stupid so why am I hurting so much and just need to say no and end the cycle

This sucks. Your self esteem is so low, it’s very hard to break free but you will, you want to be free.
Start by doing things outside of the relationship for fun or a hobby, don’t let him put you off.
You are stuck in a rut, the more you raise your self esteem and social connections away from him you’ll get stronger.
If you weren’t feeling so helpless.

OP you get what you settle for. No man is worth your tears because if he was, he’d not make you cry in the first place.

Love makes you feel great, like twice the person you were. An addiction or bad relationship is the opposite.

You have a choice.

Go with your head or heart. If you go with the former once you wean off him, you’ll one day look back and think WTF did I see in him. Sure as fate he’ll then likely realise what a mistake he’s made, that too is a red flag 🚩. Nothing is as ridiculous as the emotions of those we cease to love, but if it was going to work out it would the first time.

Don’t be pathetic or a door mat. The pain of that is excruciating. You (when you’re ready) make the decision to walk away. His behaviour shows you what he thinks of you. Fxxk him.

Everyone has a brain until they ‘fall in love’. He’s making a mug of you and you’re letting him. To be old and wise you first have to be young and daft, but if it was me I’d cut all contact, block him, do something kind for myself and when you’re ready, go on a few dates even just to take your mind off it.

Cut him off fgs.

It’s not love, it’s an addiction. And usually the best way to deal with addictions is to go cold turkey. But before you do that, you need a good support structure - do you have friends or family who will keep you accountable and remind you why you’re not going back?

Honestly, every time you ignore him, it’ll get a little easier, the cravings will get a little less…until one day you suddenly realise it was the best thing you ever did!

Because you're not giving yourself time and space to heal. You need to be strong and take time to yourself, do things without him and fill the space with fun things and some self reflection which yes will be upsetting but better than this and in the end you'll be fine.

You are being emotional abused and manipulated. You are strong and deserve much more

But the rush when he takes you back feels really good, doesn't it?

Dump him, find a hobby that gives you an adrenaline buzz instead.

Yes it will hurt , however it will hurt less than allowing him to treat you like dirt, over and over again. Can you imagine what this is doing to your self respect and esteem. Its death by a thousand cuts. If you were foolish enough to have a child with him, imagine their little face as he bails on them abd you. Even when "things are good" with him, you are walking on egg shells waiting on him to break up.

It will hurt for a time but the alternative is a lifetime of hurt. You are worth more, you dont realise it but you are. You will twist yourself in knots without ever getting it right. He is the problem not you.

It hurts either way, we as humans try to avoid having to feel things. But you are feeling it anyway by him being on/off with you. So at least this way you are in control of those feelings, and it will pass.

Don’t keep waiting for things to change or improve they won’t. And the longer you keep going back and forth, the harder it is to stop it completely.

You don't love him - he is not loveable. You are just lacking the courage to branch out on your own because you have been used to him being around.

You CAN do this! The only thing stopping this is you ...

Help us understand what you love about him?
I love my DH because he treats me well, he looks after me, he makes me feel safe, he encourages me…….

Because you keep letting him! This is not normal love and he’s treating you like shit and he will keep on doing so until you stop letting him!!

You want to be wanted, so you let him do it.
He's not the right person to want or be wanted by.

It happens to people of any age.
X

I bet it didn't hurt nearly as much as him dumping you repeatedly hurts

Block him on absolutely everything. Maybe write yourself an affirmation to keep you focused on moving forward - "This isn't love, it's emotional abuse. He doesn't love me, he uses me. I am worth more than that."

Something in your life has to replace the amount of space you give to thinking about all of this: him, the relationship, the drama, the pain and the ongoing cycle.

Before you were with him, what were you interested in? Do you need to centre yourself around someone else to avoid dealing with some personal trauma or grief (this isn’t your fault btw, it’s just a common pattern)?

Is the idea of him not being in your life the source of overwhelming sadness that you’re trying to prevent by going back to him? Think about how you can fill your life with other interests/people/self-care so it’s not centred on him. It’s okay to love him and mourn what might have been. You need to let yourself grieve, because the other side is a better place (and less painful) than the cycle you’re trapped in right now. If that doesn’t feel right, can you get angry about it? How dare he treat you like this? Can you channel that anger into exercise, something that is not connected to him and helps you feel connected to your body/emotions?

Something in your childhood taught you that it was okay to abandon yourself to feel loved. Definitely worth doing some work on that (crappy childhood fairy on YouTube is a good starting place or a good therapist).

I feel the pain in your post and I promise you that there are lots of us who’ve been through it and come out the other side. You will too.

I have been here and the only way is to block them on everything. You have to do it or this will be your life for the foreseeable future. Be kind to yourself and do it today.

Why are you letting him?

What do you love about him? What do you actually like? Do you think he likes you when he treats you so badly? This relationship is never going to make you happy and the longer it goes on the more it will drag you down. End it today, and even if you feel bad at first you will have started the healing process.

When you were a child and you put your hand too close to the fire and got burnt, you didn’t do it again. That’s how we learn what happened to you at that stage.?

Why do you love him?

Believe me I've been there! Eventually you get fed up with being treated like shit and the love dies, then you wonder how you ever put up with them in the first place.

You'll get there.

So when will realise he won't change and you need to brak the cycle and stop?

No disrespect but how old are you?