Annoying buzzwords/phrases.

Wait list/wait staff

Swim instructor - do you mean swimming instructor /teacher/coach?

Getting up in my business - someone is interfering or being nosy!

The random insertion of the word ass into sentences - eg that was a crazy ass thing to happen. Sounds like a mad donkey has run riot.

The word ass when you mean arse. Again - what have donkeys got to do with anything?

An oldie but I was amazed to hear someone use it while they were sitting next to me on a train - holibobs!

WheresThatCatGoneNow
probably thought she was making a "little joke" too when she said:
I'd love to be behind the counter in a shop when a customer comes in and says, "Can I get a whatever-it-is, please?"
I would reply, "No, you can't get it, but I am happy to get it for you."

You asked:
How would this add to the total of human happiness, exactly?
Well, at least she didn't say her intent was to make anyone angry

And nobody has fantasised that your "little joke" would be accompanied you sitting there with a smug, sour expression on your face as you suggested about WTCGN.
Can't see that adding to the sum of human happiness or achieving anything either.

Tinkly laugh
hubby

This, and even worse when some telesales person says ‘I’ve got a great deal for yourself’. No it’s ‘you’ and by the way I will never buy anything from your illiterate self.

Guard rails - they’re everywhere

I’ve always hated “can I get” this a passion.

Also:

”reach out”/ “lean into” - sounds like something that should get you into trouble with HR for being a little too handsy.

“from the get go” creeping into British usage - look, it’s “start”. We’ve managed perfectly well for centuries with “start” and it’s literally quicker to say.

“jump on a call” or on here “didn’t want to read and run” - sound like you’ve took time out from your incredibly hectic and very important day to parachute through the window and save the day.

Honorable mention goes to beginning every sentence with “so”. Also “just that really”, “gifted”, “authentic self”, and “living my best life”.

Yep. Even turning up in adverts now.

See also "functionality" = "function". No need to elongate a perfectly usable word!!

It's a little joke.

These words all mean different things:

Crime is the actual illegal act. Criminality is the tendency to commit it.

Preparation is the active process of doing tasks. Preparedness is the capacity of being ready to handle an event.

"It made me feel a certain kind of way"

MasterBeth

(Yes, I said "back in the day" just to annoy someone.)

How would this does that add to the total of human happiness, exactly?

It worked!!

It’s petty, but mis-use of ‘less’ and ‘fewer’.

I also hate all the unimaginative phrases and words influencers collectively latch on to.

Currently, the ‘nervous system reset/disregulation/healing’ silly sheep are irritating the heck out of me.

I always thought it meant to discuss it further outside of that specific meeting.

Language evolves. Words and phrases take on new meanings

The language that you use now annoyed someone else back in the day.

You can't expect language to evolve over thousands of years and stop evolving at precisely the point you arrived on earth.

(Yes, I said "back in the day" just to annoy someone.)

Criminality - crime

preparedness- preparation

Doesn’t it mean discuss it with a smaller audience?

Oh yes l agree, and raise you "edit" as in "the Spring edit". Bonus points if a shop has "dropped their spring edit....

How would this add to the total of human happiness, exactly?

You'd be standing there with a smug, sour expression on your face. They would be either confused or humiliated.

What would you have achieved?

I think there is a slight difference between “give you a heads up” and “let you know”.
Id let a colleague who’s been on holiday know how the process for X has changed. I’d give a heads up that while they were away Jane had a difficult client and might like a bit of understanding if she gets another one.

Signposting. Bloody stupid phrase.

Every fucker is signposting.

Making memories annoys me. You can’t make memories. Do things, enjoy them, don’t expect your family to necessarily remember them or the bit you thought was special. but think back and a lot of the stuff I remember vividly is just stuff around such as going to Disney and remember the hotel.

Neither of the terminally ill people in mid 40s used types of phrases. They did some extra things and carried on.

I’m in a free cycle group where people
offer clothes, toys etc that they no longer want. Some people write “need gone” about an item they’re giving away. Drives me nuts.

Also, “I was laying in bed” instead of “lying in bed”. You don’t lay in bed unless you’re a hen. Are you a hen?

When something ‘lands’, be it an email, an idea, a comment, etc.

Any version of ‘that being said’, ‘that said’, having said that’, ‘all that said’.

’Myself’.