Active discussions

Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for ending a relationship after repeated boundary crossing and contact?

66 replies

Wonderingwanderer99 · 01/08/2026 10:35

Aibu for ending things with my boyfriend after he ignored me saying no, twice, and then blocking him when he wouldn't leave me alone after the breakup?

Some context: I'm a single mum, going through a divorce that's now finalised. I started seeing the guy about 10 months ago, long distance-ish, he's a seasonal worker with a visa that runs out in a couple of years, so there was always an end date built in.

Early on things were genuinely good, he was warm and thoughtful and helped me out where I needed it. But recently whenever I am struggling, I get platitudes instead of him actually showing up. If I raise a problem, he gets defensive rather than hear it. Work is immovable, can never take an hour early off or even 5 minutes to say hi if I was close by.

The bigger issue: twice now, he continued kissing/undressing me after I said no and said stop, the second time only stopping when I said it again and reminded him I had said no. There'd been an earlier incident where I'd already told him "no" needs to be respected the first time he hears it. After the most recent one he did apologise, sent a long voice note calling it a "red flag" and promising it wouldn't happen again.

I eventually ended it. I laid out clearly the whys, the pattern of absence, the lack of acknowledgment when I raised issues, and the repeated boundary crossing. He responded with defensiveness, asking why my behaviour had changed and made out like I was hiding something (I'm not). Eventually he had a go about doing it over message. I finally said that I did that because he couldn't make time to see me and talk about repairing stuff between us and I'd realised I couldn't carry on like this and I'd be blocking him (WhatsApp). I wished him the best.

Since then he's tried Instagram DMs, sent me money with lunch invitations as the reference (twice, after my bank bounced it back the first time), texted twice and called twice in one evening, the last message asking to meet "even if just to say goodbye" and saying he missed me.

I blocked the number on my phone so he can't text or call anymore.

AIBU for ending it over the boundary thing rather than "working on it," and for eventually going full no-contact when he wouldn't stop reaching out after I was clear it was over?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Redruby2020 · 07/08/2026 16:37

Ksown · 05/08/2026 21:55

"Foreign"??

Show quote history

Yes, as in from countries where it is well known men have used women for visa’s. OP doesn’t have an issue with me asking these things, so i don’t see what the issue is.

Mermaidmusing · 05/08/2026 22:38

Wonderingwanderer99 · 05/08/2026 21:35

Never had a key but once used the key safe outside when I was mid bedtime so I've changed the combo for it now.

Show quote history

Do you really need to leave a key in the key safe? I would remove it for now. I don’t want to scare you but a determined person can break into a key safe

PissedOffAutistic · 05/08/2026 22:04

BMW58 · 05/08/2026 21:51

I think I'd give him one last reply

This is the last time I will tell you.
I don't want to see you again or have ANY communication with you.
If you make further contact in any form I will be seeing the Police to report harassment/stalking.

Do this!

Ksown · 05/08/2026 21:55

Redruby2020 · 01/08/2026 13:17

Oh okay, slightly different to what I was thinking. Is he foreign though, or actually Australian.

Show quote history

"Foreign"??

BMW58 · 05/08/2026 21:51

I think I'd give him one last reply

This is the last time I will tell you.
I don't want to see you again or have ANY communication with you.
If you make further contact in any form I will be seeing the Police to report harassment/stalking.

ItsOkItsDarkChocolate · 05/08/2026 21:38

Nearly50omg · 05/08/2026 21:36

If he continues doing this contact the police. This is a crime - harassment and stalking

@Wonderingwanderer99

This.

Minasama · 05/08/2026 21:37

Yanbu. His behaviour was a big red flag and being on a visa means this is not going to be a complication-free relationship. Better finish now and find someone who respects women and might be there for the long haul.

Nearly50omg · 05/08/2026 21:36

If he continues doing this contact the police. This is a crime - harassment and stalking

Original poster
Wonderingwanderer99 · 05/08/2026 21:35

Mermaidmusing · 05/08/2026 18:34

Tell those people to butt out. You HAVE given him closure because you have explained the reasons for ending the relationship. There’s no rule that says you have to do it in person. In fact, given the personal boundaries he has crossed, you may not even be safe seeing him in person again.

He’s not looking for closure anyway, he’s clearly unable to take no for an answer and he wants to pressurised you into resuming this toxic relationship.

Stay strong, block on ALL your social
media and move on. Has he ever had a key to your home? If so, you need to get your lock changed immediately.

Show quote history

Never had a key but once used the key safe outside when I was mid bedtime so I've changed the combo for it now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wonderingwanderer99 · 05/08/2026 21:34

Update
So after he dropped off the print I thought I was in the clear but he sent a message on an app for intimate toy use that we used before. I logged out. The next day he left me a voicemail (note when you block a number they can still leave voicemails). I ignored it. The next day, another voicemail. Later that day, an email. In which he says if I tell him I don't want to talk then he will delete all the ways he could contact me as he knows he'll carry on "fighting for us" otherwise. I've ignored it for now (that was yesterday).

Also for those bringing up the work stuff. Yep, I was in a needy moment (had a lot going on and I wasn't coping well). He's taken off for random bits and pieces here and there and I never asked him to take off for me but when he asked what I needed I once said if he could finish at 9 instead of 10 and just be here for a hug I would have been so grateful but I'd never ask because I respected that he had work to do.

OP posts:
Nousernameideaaga · 05/08/2026 21:21

There is no unreasonable reason for ending a relationship that you don’t want to be in.

Myotherusernamesafunnyone · 05/08/2026 21:19

Who the heck has voted YABU?!?

Mermaidmusing · 05/08/2026 18:34

Wonderingwanderer99 · 01/08/2026 13:03

A few people in my life have said it might be easier to just give him a final conversation, closure they said. I'm not sure that's the right thing.

Tell those people to butt out. You HAVE given him closure because you have explained the reasons for ending the relationship. There’s no rule that says you have to do it in person. In fact, given the personal boundaries he has crossed, you may not even be safe seeing him in person again.

He’s not looking for closure anyway, he’s clearly unable to take no for an answer and he wants to pressurised you into resuming this toxic relationship.

Stay strong, block on ALL your social
media and move on. Has he ever had a key to your home? If so, you need to get your lock changed immediately.

JJMama · 05/08/2026 18:23

Lilaclane · 01/08/2026 11:32

Ffs. Do you even have to ask? More red flags than communist china. Raise the bar on who gets access to you.

This. Let the ink dry on your divorce and focus on your child and yourself.

I once dumped a boyfriend for turning up out the blue and expecting me to leave my friends and go off with him. Set yourself a high bar!

BCBird · 04/08/2026 13:33

The biggest worry for.me there would be not respecting your no. Inexcusable

Redruby2020 · 04/08/2026 12:46

Ladyfromthehill · 03/08/2026 08:50

So you were racist but now needed confirming he's "actually Australian". Must have been disappointing.

Show quote history

Not at all, someone for example using someone for a visa, not saying in this case, and calling it out, is not being racist. Also because i haven’t heard or seen first hand many Australian men using women for visa’s, as there have been foreign men.

ktopfwcv · 04/08/2026 07:30

Redruby2020 · 01/08/2026 13:17

Oh okay, slightly different to what I was thinking. Is he foreign though, or actually Australian.

Show quote history

Having trouble finding things to fit your narrative?

Blodyneighbour · 04/08/2026 02:36

Wonderingwanderer99 · 01/08/2026 13:03

A few people in my life have said it might be easier to just give him a final conversation, closure they said. I'm not sure that's the right thing.

Only if it gives you closure.

Wecanbeheroes26 · 04/08/2026 02:20

Wonderingwanderer99 · 01/08/2026 13:03

A few people in my life have said it might be easier to just give him a final conversation, closure they said. I'm not sure that's the right thing.

Don't do this! That's the worse thing you could do imo. To him, it will indicate there is still hope & in his mind, it will tell him that if he pesters you enough, you'll give in.

Parcelpass · 04/08/2026 01:32

Keep him blocked and ignore. He doesnt sound like he has anything to offer you. Long distance and visa issues.... RUN for the hills OP.

JJWT · 04/08/2026 00:54

Wonderingwanderer99 · 01/08/2026 13:03

A few people in my life have said it might be easier to just give him a final conversation, closure they said. I'm not sure that's the right thing.

Definitely not. Even if accompanied by strong male friends that sit on the next table (been there), its still giving him false hope that you are persuadable.

Laura95167 · 03/08/2026 22:18

I mean i think the whole "when hes at work he cant leave early or take 5 mins to talk to me" why would you expect him to leave early? Or talk to you? Bizarre.

But continuing after no is at best attempted SA.

And tbh i dont know why youre asking this. Your boundaries dont have to be anyone elses (although dont SA me should be kinda a basic one for us all) you can block him for wearing ugly shoes if you want. But you should see this pestering you as yet another time he ignores NO

NoisyMonster678 · 03/08/2026 21:26

You are being more than reasonable to end this r/ ship and block him ....he's like a rat up a drain pipe and fortunatly you have ended it yet the trouble is he is stalking you in an effort to :-

  • Make you change your mind

  • Sending you money in an effort to gas light you.

The trouble is, if you got back with him and you said no, the leopard does not change its spots and he could be yet again not accepting no for an answer.........the consequences do not bear thinking about.

He's a fool.
He does not take you seriously.

FGS be careful, he is gas lighting.

ItsOkItsDarkChocolate · 03/08/2026 20:55

Wonderingwanderer99 · 02/08/2026 08:38

He came back again this morning but dropped something off for my kid at the door and then left without ringing the doorbell. It's a canvas print of cartoon animals which matches their room but there's no room for it

I mean, he’s bordering on creepy now!

Make sure you’ve got evidence of stuff in case you need it. Have you got a ring doorbell?

Glad you’ve got a safety plan, even if sad you already had one, and are now needing it again!

Sassylovesbooks · 03/08/2026 18:37

By continually contacting you after you've broken up with him, means he's still trampling all over your boundaries and doesn't respect your decisions. The fact he's not listened previously when you've said No or Stop, is massive red flags. Him not respecting your decision to end the relationship, and the continual attempts to contact you, shouldn't be much of a surprise, given his previous form.

You should have ended the relationship the moment he wouldn't stop undressing/kissing you. You've been lucky that eventually after repeatedly saying No or Stop, he has. There will come a point when those words repeatedly said, won't stop him. He wants what he wants, and he doesn't care enough to be bothered about your boundaries.

You absolutely need to keep screenshots of any messages that he's sent to you, since the breakup. He's likely to try to keep contacting you, by any means he can. Keep him blocked.

Swipe left for the next trending thread