AIBU to find a month at my parents' home too long? Going nuts!

My DH and I often holiday with my DPs as we do genuinely have a good time all together. That said, the longest we’ve done is two weeks, and I suspect regardless of how well we all get on, things would begin to become irksome once past that point.

Find some ways to give yourself (and your DS?) some time and space out of the house and look forward to when your DH arrives as I’m sure it will start to feel much more like a holiday then. Plus there’ll be another adult buffer there!

I was reflecting one of the previous poster's comments .... I should have made that clearer ...

Sorry, but I do sigh a little when I read posts like this. One of my parents died when I was in my twenties, so the time when I could ‘go back home’ is a distant memory.

I’m not asking for sympathy but when this ‘going-back-to-your-parents’ phase of life is gone, it really is gone.

Just try to really enjoy it in the here and now because, as sure as the sun comes up tomorrow, it won’t be there forever. You seem to be almost finding reasons to not enjoy it?

If I had my time again I would ask a lot more questions about their life and about family history.

Christ, I can barely manage an overnight.
No helpful suggestions, but I feel your pain. The past is another country and all that.

The trouble with the parents of Mumsnetters is that they are all a bloody nuisance and need taking in hand so they do everything your way. Sort them out now - without delay!

They must change how they live; eat salads that they don't like; move their rugs; let you tidy up so they no longer know where the hell anything is; the list is endless ........ better get stuck in right now!

You need to think of it the other way round. You left and lived a more adventurous life, and they're the ones that haven't left the same town!

I don't go back to my home town any more as my parents moved, but I always found it quite amusing to see those who were still there and hadn't done anything other than marry a local and have kids. Some even have children that go to the same primary school as they did!!

You need to put your tourist hat on and go have fun!!

A friend of mine from Poland has been living in the UK for 20 years with his wife. They're kids were born in the UK, but they have now decided that moving back to Poland would actually be better. The country has come a LONG way in 20 years and after staying with family, they realised that it has far more to offer than the UK now.

I am currently in the same situation and loving it!! We are doing the full 6 weeks of school holidays out here. We are in a small rural village but it’s by the sea. However, I don’t drive and to go anywhere someone needs to drive me, and I feel I am inconveniencing people. So I am chilling at home while the GPs are looking after the DCs, I am working remotely the 3 weeks and taking off the other 3. DCs are having a blast, going swimming every day, going for walks, GPs are very energetic so they are on top of entertaining them. Also my mum does all the cooking. I do the house tidy up and laundry. I love how care free I feel out here. I have friends and they come visit us, but otherwise I am not fussed about socialising or doing anything but rest, read books, catch up with work and spend time with my parents.

We had an unexpected delay moving house and moved in with the in laws for a week. They absolutely bent over backwards to look after DDs who are tricky. They made all the meals and left lunches when out, cleaned up after us while we were working long hours. Amazing.

But I can't relax in someone else's home or when someone's visiting mine.

A week was quite long enough.

I thought you were in the same place as me. I am in a European Capital, which I crave for so so long to be back and had so many plans but everything its annoying me, and I am living with my parents in their big house for 6 weeks and Its just terrible. But my situation its different as I have 4 kids and no money as I lost my job, so its really really sad I cannot do much with them or help my parents in any way :(((

Look at it like this, the first part of your stay has been a trial run, now you know you’re not at a point in life where you’re comfortable moving out there anytime soon, you can put that decision to rest and treat the rest like an actual holiday if that’s doable. Is there anything in particular you’re not happy with? Is there activities or outings they’re pushing? Early wakeups? Any pressure at all? I know I went away with my mum for a week at 5 months pregnant, I love her to pieces but she’s a complainer and likes to constantly be doing something so she was up at the crack of dawn looking at busses to other parts of the island etc and I just didn’t have that in me, neither did my DH or 5y/o, so that put me off, if I was free to do what I wanted without judgement, I’d be fine!

Ha, I'm currently doing the same thing at the other end of the country. I feel you OP. My mum is lovely. My daughters are having a wonderful time. But it's a great reminder why I left. Like you, I didn't fit in back then and I still don't. Almost everyone else stayed and took over the respective family winery. I sometimes question if I made the right choice and ponder how different life would have been. But I'm two weeks into the four weeks and I'm certain this life wouldn't have been for me. It's all very Leage of Gentlemen, so I'm taking myself to the nearest city tomorrow just to get a break. Ironically, I live very rurally in the UK, so it can't just be that. Either way, I'll try and enjoy the food, while ignoring the neighbours as best as I can.

I would also say treat it like a holiday - find a new outdoor pool or lake to go to, do the touristy bits you wouldn’t do as a local, soak up anything you will miss back in the UK.

I think that there are probably two factors at play. One is that you are in your childhood home and surroundings, a place you chose to leave. There were probably various factors in making that decision but, if you hadn’t wanted to leave, you might have made some different decisions at various points by now and be living back there. The other is that there are quite a few relationship dynamics at play - you are back living with your parents but the parent/child relationship is no longer appropriate plus there’s the fact that you are an extended guest in somewhere you feel should be home but isn’t and they are extended hosts and want to be warm and welcoming (and it sounds as though they are) and will love having you there but it is also quite disruptive for them. It means no one is sure how to behave!

I can’t cope with more than a day with my parents at their house. I manage better in other locations. Something about their actual house makes me feel extremely stressed and miserable and after a few hours I’m climbing the walls. I think it’s related to feeling like my adult self is stripped away and I’m a child again. It’s actually concerning to me how bad it feels. So - sympathy. Can you just cut your visit short.

I hear you! We spend around a month with my parents most summers. We live in France, in a region that has extremely hot summers, so we escape this by visiting my parents in the UK for an extended period. Plus my children are their only grandchildren and it’s the only chance to see them as my folks are really too old to travel now. We usually aim to have a mini-break in the middle, but haven’t this year.

My parents are great but… they are 80 now, and really should be making some changes to their home / lifestyle to adapt to declining mobility etc. It’s incredibly frustrating to be here and not be allowed to change anything. My mum is very generous with her house - but it’s very definitely her place, and I get frowned at if I tidy anything too obviously or suggest moving a rug / trip hazard. I’m having to go very slowly and kind of tidy surreptitiously. I usually take on most of the cooking but again I have to battle to overcome my mums dislike of veggies and ‘huge’ salads, and just make them anyway.

And the idea of moving back is interesting. I always thought I’d like to retire here. But seeing how my parents are now struggling to maintain the big garden and house, as well as being totally reliant on the car (very rural) is really giving me second thoughts about it.

YANBU. My limit is a long lunch.