I’m not surprised but why do I still care?

Come on girl, get up and go out. Ignore that piece of shit. You know you have to leave him, however you do it, it needs to be soon.
No one has the right to control you or your choices.
Make sure you enjoy your night.

This is coercive control and highly abusive.

Please reach out to a domestic abuse charity that will be well versed in the tactic.

He sounds horrendous and unhinged.
This is so deliberate.

Please seek help.

Start keeping detailed notes, dates etc.
These will be useful.

Coercive control is a crime.

12 more years and he'll have crushed your soul so much that you won't have the strength to leave. Just like my mum did to my dad.

Google narcissistic personality, and make a plan to get out. You are being abused, and your life will be so much happier without him.

This

Take control of the situation and get this abuser out of your life.

They do. I knew from an early age exactly what was going on in my parents marriage.

Please leave. Don’t waste any more time in this relationship. From what you’ve said, it seems like your DH is doing everything he can to make sure he gets a day out without you. If I were you, I’d let him go and use the time to start the ball rolling on you leaving him. Plans take time to organise, so don’t go back to bed, find your anger and use it to get up and get yourself out of this toxic relationship.

Please go. I know how exhausting it must be to put on a face and pretend, but go and have fun with your mates and afterwards definitely make a plan for leaving. Life is too short. U deserve to be happy.

You definitely go! Please go! And then you have to leave, and leave immediately. This is no way to live, even if you uphold your vows, you have to leave.

Ffs - have more self respect and love for yourself and leave. Start again.

Definitely go. Don’t let him bring you down again.
Don’t book anything with him again and just say you don’t like social events with him so you’re not going.
Then make plans to leave.

12 years of this? You only live once.

Don’t you dare. This is what he wants.

you won’t look terrible, you’ll look fine and you need to also think about how you’re covering for his behaviour and not letting people see what he’s doing to you.

get yourself dressed, get in that car and go to the concert. Do not let him beat you down. Because he is absolutely trying to control you and keep you locked up, he’s just doing it in a way that makes you get in the cell and lock the door behind you. So he can say it was your choice.

your children are growing up in an abusive home, this is the home life they’re being shown is normal.

Don’t let his isolate you from your friends. Get up and go, and confide in them about your home life!

There are violent criminals serving sentences of less than 12 years for heinous crimes.
The children know. More importantly these are their memories. You think you are protecting them. You are not.
Consider taking one positive step to release yourself from this prison. The prison warden hates you
He has nothing but contempt for you. You don't need a smuggled phone to call a lawyer.

Why should he go to the concert but not you doesn’t he like spending time with you or is he just spiteful and controlling
Don’t waste another 12 years on this man believe me when I say your children will know what’s going on and things won’t get any better while you enable him to treat you like he does.Do you really want to live another 12 years in misery with someone who obviously doesn’t give a toss about you

My parents would tell you today that they hid the arguments and abuse. They’ll both tell you that we were always in another room/ sleeping/ not paying attention.

Of course we knew it all from a young age. We didn’t tell them we knew because we didn’t want to upset mum and cause any more agro so we pretended it was ok.

Ignoring the issues with him, do you want to go to the concert? If you do, then go, go and enjoy it with your friends. Stand with them, dance with them and just don’t engage with him. And then start proceedings to leave him.

He is not an excellent dad. These abusive men are always ‘good dads’ but they are not. No excellent dad treats their mum like this. Please remember that children will be watching and learning from this. Even if you think they don’t understand it, or see it, of course they do. It will be impacting them. You need to show them this behaviour is not acceptable or they will become the abusers/ abused in the next generation as they won’t know any better.

Ice your face, shower and freshen up.
ignore him whilst you get ready! Do your best of the best with your make up and hair and go out with your head held sky high! Laugh loud even if its false! Even if you feel miserable inside do not give him the satisfaction

Unless he is a sophisticated telepath...the children will know...they will be learning how Daddy speaks to Mummy, they will see your body language, your defeat and exhaustion.

It's incredibly hard. It's time to plan a better life. He definitely isn't a good person so can't be a good Dad...he will begin these behaviours with the children too

There is a lot of evidence that Lundy is a sexual predator taking advantage of vulnerable women on his 'retreats' and in his business life.

The book is also poorly referenced and a bit shit.

Nope. He is not an excellent dad.
Excellent dads do not treat the mother of their children like a bit of shit and make them miserable.
You have one chance at this life. Don’t waste it on him!

He’s not an amazing Dad if he’s abusing Mum.
The children will know you’re not happy even if you think you’re hiding it. You’re also teaching them that this is a normal relationship.

Let him go to the concert and use the time to leave.
Do you have somewhere safe you and the kids can stay for a while?

You can't ruin 12 more years of your life on someone who makes you feel like this.

Are you working with a domestic abuse charity? Perhaps it would help you to better understand his behaviour and support you with considering how you might be able to free yourself from this?

Go OP.
As hard as it will be.
You will need the love and support from your friends (who I am sure already have an idea of what’s going on) when you have the courage to end it.
you deserve to be happy.