AIBU to resent DH's new job and how he's changed?

It is important to try and embrace new things, to make life fun and exciting. Yes, you were happy with the way things were but why are you so reluctant to also try different experiences, meet new people? It doesn't mean that things weren't good as is, you are just expanding and making the most of opportunities like living in London. Tbh, you might start getting bored of your routine activity after a few years. Now you can enjoy a broader range of things- be a homebody too and also experience new experiences. And it's lovely that your husband is making so much effort. It's a wonderful way of making memories and enjoying life. Though if you keep rejecting his ideas or are genuinely uninterested, then be honest and tell him because this is a compatibility issue. Don't be complaining to your MIL about it.

ffs grow up

He’s actively trying to involve her. She’s being a miserable cow.

Im sorry but this sounds terribly sad for adults to only spend their time with their parents and family members on weekends. Socialising outside of family is really important (especially parents as they won’t always be around) and your husband is right to seek out friendships you have to either try to do this yourself too or allow him to do so.

I am not sure how old you are but seems that from a retired life he used to live, he is now back in his 20s/30s. Going for dinners and coffees is not excessive. It’s not that he is suddenly clubbing till the morning in rave parties. I suggest it might be good if you make an effort and start joining him sometimes cause you might end growing apart. Do you have any friends to go out? or is it just the parents and cousins you see every week?

Do you actually go out places with just your husband at all? U haven't mentioned going for meals, cinema or anything like that

The life he wants to live now is more the norm than the previous one. So now he has had a taste if it, it would not be unusual for him to want to continue.
While you might be a natural home body, it's possible that he only was for want of opportunity and this is the real him.
I think attempts to pull him back would be futile (and cruel, considering the odd day out and meal with people other than family is hardly a life of abandon and excess) so i think you will need to choose between letting him go with good grace, or giving it a go yourself.
You don't need to go from the sofa to crowded city centres and parties with strangers, but the odd trip for some quieter outside stimulation might be more enjoyable than you think.

Its not inherently unhealthy to prefer being at home, no.

It is unhealthy to seek to limit not just your own social circle but your spouse’s social circle just to family forever and to treat anyone outside that circle with suspicion or hostility.

You don't say how old you both are but have only been married four years and I am assuming you are still quite young

People do change with time, your husband is adapting and embracing new experiences, new people. That is normal. It's up to you what you do but if you don't adapt a bit, you may lose him.

Because he's unhappy or he's bored. Or simply because he's doing nothing wrong by going out with some work colleagues and wanting to go out a bit more with his wife.

It's hardly a new life of crime or a demand to move to Zimbabwe.

It could be viewed that he's the one flatly refusing to participate in their established life.
He might be risking losing her.
Why does the man get to call the shots.

We arrange them as a group. Our husbands rarely turn up so it's usually just mums and kids.

If going out with a group of new people is overwhelming, perhaps you could suggest a smaller outing with you and your husband and one of his new mates he thinks you'll get on with.

You do sound rather rigid and it seems your husband isn't so much. Would you be alright having the night in while he's out? If so it doesn't have to be a problem, you can just do different things.

I am quite introverted and DH very sociable. we have met in the middle, I have a small number of very close and dependable friends, I am happy with that, he had dozens of friends, none of which as as close as mine, but as a bloke they're very friendly and reliable in a blokey sort of way.

I have forced myself to go to some of his functions and meet ups and as a result have had a great deal of fun with some of the wives. I am done now, I don't need any more friends but I will sometimes join him at important meet ups, especially when those other wives are involved.

I think you are in danger if losing him, your world seems very small, and he doesn't sound like he wants his to be. I would not want to go for tea and scones at my MiL on a weekend over socialising, even with people I do not know well, and I am 60.

In the nicest way op, this is my opinion- your life sounds very small. Hes right you really need to get out and enjoy life and new experiences. If you dont open up to the possibility of getting out more/meeting people and doing exciting things and activities, honestly i think he will move on. Im really sorry to say that but you sound like two completely different people now. He doesn’t want that small rigid routine anymore. You both sound young. There’s so much to experience in life than the same old routine week in week out….sorry 🥺 just be prepared

Really, that’s strange. The Dad’s are rarely invited and definitely unwelcome within my friend/children meet up groups.
Single fathers are welcome. 🚨
Don’t mind them. I dislike couples who are attached at the hip.

Our 'friends of DS's parents' friendship group is a mix of single parents and couples and former couples -- the divorced couple were still together when we all first met, but now one has a new partner, who occasionally comes to things, and the other doesn't. And sometimes both parents, when there are two, come to things, but often not, because of work schedules etc. One of the guys is a chef, and one works in emergency medicine.

I mean, if I invite people round here, as I often do, I don't know who exactly will be there until they respond, because I don't know their shifts, other commitments etc. How do your friends know whether your DH is away @Funmuma ?

He may very well have been happy previously, but that doesn’t mean that new experiences can’t have widened his horizons, and his understanding of what being happy looks like for him.

It’s unlikely that he’s going to go back to what you were and be happy, now he’s had first hand experience of what he would be missing.

People change throughout life, some more than others. Couples may change together, or they can change in ways that mean they’re no longer compatible.

You aren’t unreasonable to feel sad that he’s changed, and he isn’t unreasonable if he feels sad that you won’t. Is there room for compromise here?

How do you get invited to parent social events without husband? If my husband is not in town no one of our “friends” invite me or the kids out as they all go out as couple plus friends so I have no social life. No divorced parents in the school my kids go…

It was perfect for you, obviously not for him. He probably did not dislike but given the opportunity to go out and meet friends he took it and he is enjoying it.
if you don’t want to change I don’t think you should stay with him anymore.
you say you are introvert, but actually you come across as socially phobic, I know loads of introvert people and they have friends, they just need time to stay alone to recharge. I world try and investigate why being social is so hard for you and work on that.

Spending most of your leisure time with both sets of parents would be stifling for many.

Absolutely this

You’re going to loose your husband and potentially your marriage if you don’t stop acting this way. You aren’t being resentful , you are flatly refusing to participate in your husband’s life. You are creating distance. You’re being awful.

I have some very insular family members who I worry about as it has had a massive impact on their mental health, especially post retirement. That said they do at least go out a lot and have hobbies. You can't live a lifestyle as restricted as this without some sort of mental health impacts.

It is exactly healthy. Any couple that I know who hangs around together all the time, in the home, shopping, parents, sameness etc are usually on the road to becoming more and more reclusive or breaking up.

It is not so bad as you get older but it grates in most people after some time.

There's a difference between "not socialising much" and never doing anything that doesn't involve your spouse and immediate family, though.

The former is normal and perfectly healthy, the latter is incredibly insular (and very short-sighted).