AIBU to resent DH's new job and how he's changed?

If you have never been out with his friends, how do you know you wouldn’t enjoy their company, and a bit of variety in your social life?

@newlifeoldme I don’t think you’re unreasonable to feel wobbly, but I do think you’re misunderstanding what’s actually happening.

You and your DH met in lockdown, online, during a time when everyone lived small, quiet, home‑based lives and that continued post lockdown with the WFH. For introverts especially, that bubble felt safe and predictable. It makes total sense that your relationship formed around that dynamic.

But lockdown‑life isn’t real life. It was a temporary version of the world, and you built your marriage inside it. Now your DH has stepped back into a more normal environment, colleagues, commuting, spontaneous lunches, after‑work chats, and it’s waking up parts of him that simply didn’t have space to exist before.
That isn’t him “changing.” It’s him catching up to the version of himself he would have been if lockdown hadn’t frozen everything.

And honestly, it sounds like he’s trying to bring you with him. He’s invited you along multiple times. He’s not excluding you, you’re declining.

If you always say no, he will start doing things without you. Not because he doesn’t love you, but because he’s allowed to have interests and friendships outside the house.

Your introversion is valid. Your comfort zone is valid. But a marriage can’t survive if one person evolves and the other stays exactly as they were in 2020. You don’t have to become an extrovert, nobody’s asking that, but you do need to meet him halfway.

Try one thing. One café. One meal. One day trip. Not because you love crowds, but because you love him.

Right now, you’re trying to pull him back into the lockdown bubble because that’s where you feel safe. But he’s not rejecting you or his parents, he’s expanding his world. If you don’t walk a few steps with him, you risk ending up standing still while he moves forward.

You were happy before. You can still be happy now. But happiness in long‑term relationships requires a bit of flexibility on both sides.

He’s already shown his willingness to include you. You and his parents just need to show a little willingness to try.

Yikes unless you embrace this new way of life and find a happy medium you may lose him - he’s found life is a bit more exciting than a scone with his cousins at his mum’s.
Tbh it is!!

Sorry but it sounds like Groundhog week in your world, it might work for you but your DH is seeing there is more to life and there is more, much more. He is trying to include you and you are not wanting to. I would say this is not going to last much longer as you'll start to resent each other. At least try OP. You can't suffocate someone into a 'you' life. You've been married 4 years so around just out of covid times when the world almost stopped and most were still WFH. The world has woken up just! It's about time you did too, whether that be taking an invite here and there or to the fact you may not be married for too much longer

If he's too busy to see his mum till September he's a fucking arse. Sorry, OP.

This reminds me of this cartoon

Because if OP doesn't compromise, she might not like her husband's next decision. Digging her heels in and refusing to acknowledge that he isn't happy with tea and scones with the parents every week isn't going to change anything. And a very sensible start to that compromise would be to accept that wanting to try new things in life is not tantamount to "tearing the family apart".

Seems as though he has been looking at life and not living it.
You need to. do the same.

I agree @SylvanMoon’s post was excellent OP

'On multiple weekends he's been asking if we want to take a day trip down to go explore and cafe hop all over London. Sometimes he wants to go out with his new found friends. '

and sometimes he doesn't ? ' wants to go out with his new found friends. '

so on the weekends he just wants to go with you - go.
at least make the effort to do one in 4 weekend, increasing to 2 in 4.

Your life will become very small when all your parents have died and your neighbour moves away.

and if you were to make the decision to end your marriage because life is no longer perfect and neither of you are as happy as you were,
be aware you may well lose the company of his parents and his cousins.

I think you could benefit from getting a job that gets you out of the house meetimg people.

I think it’s difficult when things like this happen. We’ve been married a long time, I’m chronically ill and my DH became bored of my insular life, I’m a homebody and just love being at home , I do go out but feel uncomfortable, that’s me, he’s a sociable person and after lots of arguments I leave him do his thing and I do mine. I now quite enjoy my time alone and he’s happier doing what he enjoys (rugby). It’s not ideal but he’ll never change and resentment will build.

Hope you find a situation you’re both happy with,

He’s outgrown your way of living. I think you probably need to see if you can push your boundaries too or he may end up outgrowing you OP.

It sounds like his new job has given him a new lease of life! I think working from home you can easily live in an insulated world and perhaps this has motivated him to get out a bit more. I think you should support him in trying new things, making new friends etc. it sounds healthy. I'd be happy as long as I am getting invited to these things too, which you are. If you don't enjoy these things, can you spend the time on your hobbies instead. A relationship is a about striking that balance, so if you think he is becoming distant/spending more time away, what about booking a few "date nights" where you can have more quality time together.

You are in your comfort zone and he's pushed out of his. I understand why it hurts but I do think if you can't compromise on your zealous homebody attitude you will lose him.

He sounds like someone who just left home in early adulthood, just that he is doing it later on. Im pleased for him, though, of course, I feel for you as its scary.

My ex played World of Warcraft!! I think you should try some therapy for your social anxiety and maybe you will be able to "click" with IRL people too :)

She doesn’t even want to go with him exploring different cafes and areas, which is just the two of them.

He's found new friends and interests that he wants to share with you. I think you need to meet him half way or you risk the relationship ending and he might move on in a different direction.

I knew from your first post you met during covid! Its easy to get in a rut in terms of socialising when working from home etc. Although sad for you, sounds like the job has opened his eyes (or reopened depending how he was before you met him) to the joy of being around people and doing new things; one of those unfortunate situations whereby might not be compatiable anymore. Nothing wrong one iota with living life as you do as youre content and happy doing so, he evidently isnt anymore. Comprimise should be from both sides, fair enoiugh if you dont ever want to join him but people change and have to decide if its a dealbreaker.

I would never stop my DH doing anything, he's an adult, but I expect compromise in any relationship. Lucky for me he's more antisocial than I am, but he does have solitary hobbies that he likes to spend hours doing. Which is ok by me, as long as he comes and spends some time with me at some point.

Absolutely valid. But do you stop your dh from doing so if he wanted to?

Why isn't it valid to enjoy what the OP likes to do. I hate going out and socialising with other people, I don't have social anxiety or anything, I just don't play very well with people other than my immediate family.

Luckily for me my DH is exactly the same. Every time I've felt that external pressure to try a hobby or go out and do something with people, because it's "good" for me. I always come back more miserable than before I went.

The OP's DH has moved the goal posts of their relationship and the only way to move forward with that is compromise from both sides, she is going to have to venture out once or twice a month and he is going to have to commit to going to see family once or twice a month. Or it's separate lives.

Your relationship sounded very boring. Stuck at home and only socialising with family. No wonder he’s enjoying his new job, making new friends and going to new places. Maybe you can try and go to a few places with him?
I don’t like busy places either but there’s no way I could live in a little bubble at home and not have any kind of hobbies or experiences outside of the family.

My in-laws were of the type "we don't need anybody but our own". They never had friends, any visitors, nor went to see other people. "Our own" that was us (DH, I and our children), husband being an only child just like both of his parents. That worked for them as long as they were more or less fit, but after that they expected us to visit more often than was possible for us. Not living in the same town and what with work, children, my family and yes a social life indeed, once a week was all we managed. They resented me strongly for that, but it was my husband's choice as much as it was mine!

It sounds like you're upset because you liked your life before, and there's nothing wrong with that. But there is also nothing wrong with DH wanting to broaden his horizons a little. Just take care to not try to clip his wings, it's unlikely to end well. Perhaps try joining him once in a while, you never know, you might like it. Good luck x