AIBU to resent DH's new job and how he's changed?

This does sound like an inflection point in your relationship, you both need to sit down and talk honestly about how you feel.

I know this isn't very British but would you think about seeing a couple's counsellor for a few sessions to work it through?

Been let off the leash it seems

Maybe it was not so perfect for him after all.

Have a conversation with him and there needs to be some balance

You can still go to wider families houses, just maybe not every week.

Its ok to widen experiences as a person, its healthy.

Tell him you are missing how things used to be, and maybe make more of an effort to go new places with him and his new friends. You might enjoy it once you are more comfortable with it

Or look into something you enjoy if you feel left behind, and see if there is a hobby group, or try something new.

Maybe suggest you do family together 2 weekends a month and other things the other 2 weekends.

Oh OP, I can see how this is sad for you. You need to find a balance that works for both of you, a mixture of the things you used to do and some new experiences too.

its understandable to mourn things, but it’s not his job - the job has just given him a door into a new world that he obviously enjoys and wants.

Your life may have been perfect for him then, but not now - people do grow and change - in a relationship sometimes that isn’t in the same direction.

What you (or his family) can’t do is lay guilt on him by calling him distant or saying he’s changed - that isn’t fair as you’re suggesting it’s all bad. For him, this new world might be a brilliant and enriching experience.

I know that’s absolutely horrid and maybe confusing for you. I would try and either broaden your own horizons a little, doesn’t have to be full throttle into his world but going for a walk, coffee out etc with him. Meet him halfway.
if you can’t then I think you may need to think about how compatible you are,

I'm guessing he was bored or getting bored with your old life. He's been offered something different through his new job and he's jumped at the opportunity to leave the boredom behind

This is difficult for you as you're obviously an introvert. If I were you I'd join in as often as I could because if you don't, I think the marriage is going to go downhill fast

Honestly the world you are describing as your “perfect” world before he got this new job sounds really stifling and limiting to me.

You seem a bit threatened by the idea that he has any kind of social life outside of his marriage and family and a bit controlling.

As others have said he is changing and developing, this is normal and healthy.

If you want your marriage to survive you have to allow him the space to be who he is and not try to constrain him to fit an idea of who you want him to be.

It sounds like it wasn’t perfect and he may have been waiting for something more. Most people wouldn’t be happy only visiting their parents on a weekend and doing little else. He’s gone for coffee and dinner with friends, it quite a normal thing to do and it’s unhealthy for you to make it seem so crazy.

Just join him!

How old are you both?

He's either going to grow with you, or grow without you. It's your choice which one you want that to be.

I guess it wasn't perfect for him.

If you love him, you should probably try to meet him halfway and get out of your comfort zone sometimes.

Otherwise you'll probably find your lives diverging permanently.

And you can still do this, just not every Saturday.

Your DH hasn’t just disappeared, ignoring you and leaving you behind, he’s asking you to join him. Part of a relationship is compromising sometimes, I’m
not saying you have to do things you truly hate, but surely there is a compromise where you’re both happy.
You need to sit down and talk to him, be honest with each other.

Well only speaking for myself I rarely have a clear line of happy or not happy with enough clarity to have a conscience discussion with my husband i presume he is the same

As we have aged we have adapted and changed

@newlifeoldme you were both happy.

But now he has discovered something new and widened his world which has made him happier.

The world is a place of discovery. Perhaps you need to get out there and discover your thing too?

Are you perhaps a bit jealous that he has found more exciting stuff in the world than just visiting family?

He was probably bored

How old are you both?

And yet so predictably with young people that the way they deal with life will change and not remain unchanged for +45 years of marrige. Most couples' lives will change and not remain the same in years.

Well yes that’s why they need to have an honest discussion about feelings and try to understand where each other are coming from. If he hasn’t ever expressed that he was unhappy with their life, it’s not OPs fault if she feels blindsided by his behaviour now.
A lot of the comments about their life not being exciting or it being small etc are not really fair as some people like life on an even keel and predictable and it’s a perfectly acceptable way to live if it’s what makes you happy. But of course that requires both parties to be happy like that and that’s the crux of the issue here.

Life doesn't stand still, does it?

But was he really happy or did the op just think he was?

What everyone saying ‘it’s a good thing’ is missing is that this isn’t the person OP married and she’s sad about it.
I understand your feelings OP, you were happy in your little bubble and it’s like he has changed the rules on you. I have a lot of sympathy for you as a fellow introvert, I really do. However he is also not being unreasonable to have realised he does like to socialise a bit more and is finding new things he enjoys. He isn’t doing it to hurt you and he clearly wants you to come with him, so it’s not that he’s excluding you.
I think at this point you have 3 choices: You can end the marriage, you can accept that if you don’t want to go out either him you’re going to spend more time alone, or you can try and meet him where he is.
I think it’s time for an open and honest discussion about how you both feel. No blame just honesty, it could be he’s been having the feeling of wanting to do more for a while and this has just facilitated that.

I think you need to change ‘we were happy!’ to I was happy!’
Couples can get along fine with different lifestyles if they accept their differences and don’t resent each other. Is it that you feel you are losing him? You don’t want to do stuff on your own?

I can see why you feel taken aback by these sudden changes. I’m not sure how old you are but it’s not unusual at all for people to suddenly decide they want to explore different things. But it must be tough realising that he wasn’t as happy as you were with the overall life you’re living or he wouldn’t have gone for this job and embraced it so much.

Now you’ve only got two options really - either try new things with him or try to be happy living the “old” life with more time on your own. You say you’re introverted and a bunch of new people might be overwhelming but I would try to compromise and think of some things you’d enjoy doing with him - go to an art gallery in London for instance rather than constant socialising.

Don't think he is doing anything wrong. I don't know what ages you are but your lifestyle up to now has not been very exciting. Spending most of your leisure time with both sets of parents would be stifling for many.
He has the opportunity to explore new things and make new memories through his work. He is encouraging you to come along but you have dug your heels in, preferring to spend time with his mother. You need to decide what your priorities are now. I know what I would choose. Relationships should be evolving and changing, not stuck in a rut.