AIBU to resent DH's new job and how he's changed?

You need to talk to him and work out a compromise.

He wants to go and and live now. There's nothing wrong with that. What if he chooses not to stay home and you split. You'll lose his family as well as him.

Try and talk and see how you can meet in the middle

How old are you?

Plus this has nothing to do with ‘introversion’, which is routinely misunderstood on Mn. Introversion only means that socialising drains rather than energises you — it doesn’t mean you don’t enjoy it, aren’t good at it, and it certainly doesn’t mean you have a dull or isolated life. It simply means you need more downtime to recharge after being around others. I’m pretty introverted, in that I need a good bit of solitude, but my twenties involved living in communes in different countries, busking, tutoring on film sets etc, not eating scones with my PIL every weekend, and being horrified DH had new friends.

How old are you both, OP? I’m not trying to be disrespectful, but this sounds quite boring and stifling - and I love a good scone and a cup of tea.

I’m also an introvert; really love my own company and just a bit of peace and quiet, but there are also plenty of things I enjoy doing that involve other people and going places - I’m just selective about it.

It seems like your husband is starting to “find himself” a little (sorry, that sounds wanky I know), but if this dynamic is just something you both fell into, he’s maybe never realised what kind of things he actually enjoys.

In your position, I think you should chat to him about how you’re feeling and try stepping out of your comfort zone a little by agreeing to a couple of small outings - maybe twice a month, even just you and him at first. You never know, you might really start to enjoy it.

How do you find things to talk about if you seem them so often.What's going to happen when they sadly pass away, where will you go then?

You say we were happy, but was he? Cos he sounds happier now even if your not

You say we were happy, but was he? Cos he sounds happier now even if your not

I think you are unreasonable OP to expect someone else to live a life that revolves only around home and immediate family.

That's very limiting and claustrophobic and frankly boring.

I am a big introvert and I don't like crowds but I still see the benefit of going out occasionally to cafes, restaurants and to some have hobbies/do physical activities outside the home and I make sure that I do that. I think it is good for my physical and mental health.

I just avoid crowded spaces and don't like being out late in the evenings.

You need to have a conversation and find a balance where you can mix quiet weekends and also enjoying some time going out.

If not your relationship won't survive. A relationship is a compromise and you can't have everything your own way.

Maybe he was happy, but his horizons have expanded, and that is not a bad thing. We are not meant to go through life, and never change.

Just on a general note, a couple of people have said that your lifestyle seems unhealthy and it may literally be the case: if your life revolves around staying at home and eating cake or cream tea with family members then that is likely to be a short cut to becoming quite sedentary and gaining weight. If you are young now you might be naturally slim, but it is very easy for that to change.

I also don’t really understand how ‘being an introvert’ is used nowadays. It’s a just personality descriptor, but you seem to use it to define yourself and your whole lifestyle.

Perhaps try a weekend trip out to London just with your husband?

You’ve had a lot of viewpoints so I won’t repeat other people’s - @WhatNoRaisins is probably closest to my view.

Something I do note though is that it is REALLY important not to get into the habit of discussing your h negatively with his mother behind his back. Maybe it wasn’t quite like it sounded but that really is the royal road to marital discord. It’s also I’m afraid a consequence of not having any friends at all except inside the families.

Labelling yourself an introvert and letting yourself off building any connections with the world is quite risky. You genuinely don’t have to join in your dh’s work socialising, though I would definitely try to if you can see your way to it. If you prefer hanging out with quieter people and less crowded hobbies there are plenty of ways to do that, to be physically active for your health and to contribute to your community.

Have you ever considered jumping sharks as a hobby @newlifeoldme

I think it is a really good one for a homebody who never wants a single thing in their life to change as an adult and wants to tie another adult to that lifestyle too without a care in the world for their personal development. .

Yes good point. She’s not really describing being introverted, as she’s always with him or family.

No siblings OP? Sounds like both sets of parents haven’t done a great job of cutting the apron strings.

Him taking the job was a sign that he was thinking about a more varied life. You can have that together. As pp said it doesn't have to be loud busy places all the time.

In life, you either grow together with your partner or you grow apart. He’s trying to include you and you don’t want to. That’s ok, but your old life is gone. So either you make more effort to step out of your comfort zone and try new things, or you understand that you are likely to continue to grow apart. And in that, you will also loose all of those extended family members whose company you enjoy.

Good one OP. Korean barbecue spot indeed!

He wouldn’t have accepted a job with so much office time if he thought he’d hate it.

Regardless of whether you like it, he is enjoying being more social and doing new things. He will undoubtedly cross paths with someone similar in that respect the more he socialises and I wouldn’t be surprised if he begins to contemplate whether you both are no longer suited.

Its a crossroads, compromise and give it a go or wait for what I expect will be the inevitable.

You both need to compromise, it’s ok to mourn your previous routine but it’s also okay for him to want to do more.
Both have a think about how you can both be happy, maybe two weekends a month being in and seeing families and two weeks a month where he goes out with his work friends (you don’t have to go).

He is living his best life which he should, you only get on life and i suspect he wasn’t as happy as you think. He should still make an effort to visit his parents. I also think you 100% need to put your big girls pants on and join your husband, who knows you might even enjoy it. If you don’t start joining him 100% you will lose him. I hate crowds too but going somewhere busy to eat you can eat outside. If you want to save your marriage you need to start joining in.

In my 17 year relationship we have changed many times. I am certainly not the same person I was 16 years ago, my goals and priorities are changed several times and so has my partners. You either accept that both of you will change and work through understanding the new versions of each he other, you will change too at some point, maybe you will never like crowds but there may be some other ways you change. He will again too. Or you decide that the changes have made you incompatible.
I do think that either you grow together or apart. People break up when they have grown apart.
this will now be your decision, are you willing to accept the new him and potential subsequent versions or not.
you can’t hold someone back from developing and growing,

if you don’t want to do the same things as him that’s fine but then find something you like, a book club or a walking group for example.
you can’t spend the rest of your life relying on tea and scones on a Saturday with his parents, they too will change and die one day. Then what are you left with. You and your husband, no friends, no family and no interests.

Two people working from home all the time and spending all their free time together sounds incredibly stifling.

Do you have any hobbies of your own? Do you suffer from anxiety?

You don't have to accompany him on every outing he wants to go on, but why not try it from time to time? He shouldn't have to do all the compromising. You might enjoy yourself.

im also with your husband, your life sounds perfect for you , but you can’t stop him developing or having a life outside you and the family,

im sad for you you’re not open to new experiences, new people. But I’d urge you to try a little harder as I’m not sure how your marriage can survive.

and good for him , getting out there and doing new things,

We're homebodies. We were both always WFH and our social lives revolves around his parents, my parents, his cousins.

Gently, there is being introverted and then there is being depressed/anxious.

I am against wfh 100% of the time as I do not believe it does peoples MH any good.
He is living proof.
He is probably happier than he’s ever been.

Your issue is that to be happy, you always need to do things together.
Most couples do things together but they also have an entire personality away from their spouse.

Where are your friends and family?
You seem very dependent on him which isn’t healthy.

It’s fine for you to be an introvert and not want to go and meet his new friends but he’s an individual and is doing things that make him happy.
You just need to find your own hobbies that make you happy.

As an introvert, I understand how this arrangement sounds safe but as others have pointed out, it’s a very small, insular world, destined to get even smaller as parents age and inevitably die at some point. I realise that sounds really depressing but it’s true.

It might be difficult at first for you to meet new people but if you don’t try, your DH might start to resent you just as you’re now resenting him and his new job/new friends. If you’re not keen on much socialising, do it in stages - instead of a full day exploring whatever, commit to a half day. You might actually meet some amazing people and even if you don’t, you’ll expand your world beyond a small circle of family.

I’m an introvert too and need ‘recharge’ time so I manage social stuff in a way that suits me. It’s possible to have the best of both worlds.

This ‘social bubble’ you’re content with is all being well but what happens when your parents or DH parents are no longer around? What happens when these cousins move away or distance themselves for any reason?
This contentment that you’ve allowed to enclose you all does not appear healthy on the long term…..at some point individuals will find themselves quite alone and isolated. Your DH is simply opening social doors and seeing beyond this social bubble. Go with him and test the water OP, then decide

There’s nothing wrong with being introverted but equally there is nothing wrong with him discovering new things he likes. He’s inviting you along so he’s not leaving you behind or anything. You either give some of it a try or stay home. If you choose to stay home and aren’t happy with him still going out then you are unreasonable I’m afraid