AIBU to resent DH's new job and how he's changed?

I agree with most of the previous PP about the pressures of change. I am old now so I have and want a very settled life so I don't like to be dragged out of it. I think you are going to have to find a compromise. Why not begin by just going out with DH once a week or every two weeks? You say you don't feel comfortable. I didn't feel comfortable the first time I went to a cinema alone but I made myself do it. The second time it was less of a strain.

Happy families is only happy while everyone agrees that they are "happy". When I was small we always went to Wales in a caravan for 1-2 weeks . Always the same area and often the same camp. Everyone loved it. because we knew no different. Then I hit 16 and went out to work in the wider world. I made new friends and they would talk about going off to other places like holiday camps in a girls group. Or even Spain and Italy on one of the new package holidays which were opening up. This was the 1960s.

That year I told my parents I would not be going with them because I could not get the annual leave off. It was a lie. They continued to go to North Wales. A couple of years later I was off to Morocco. Egypt and across the desert in a landrover.

I never again went on holiday with my parents.

YABU.

I don’t blame him for wanting more from life. The fact that you have only been married 4 years suggests you are both relatively young. And you’re childfree which means you have plenty of time, and presumably money. Too young to be living like pensioners. Instead of resenting him, OP, you might want to consider that he might be right. You only get one chance to be young, OP, so live a little.

OP, you need to try to make an effort.

My sister is like you, and after repeatedly turning down invitations to go places, her partner found another woman who would go with him. He dumped my sister, who had just had his baby, and has been married to the more adventurous woman now for years. This is the risk you face, rightly or wrongly.

Try to make an effort every now and then.

"we were happy"

You were happy, he clearly wasn't or he wouldn't have changed.

I'm very sorry but I think your going to have to rethink your whole relationship and that's going to be very hard on you.

It sounds like the OP is uncomfortable with the idea of her DH having friends outside the family or ones she has approved. I can’t see her presently being comfortable having people she doesn’t trust in her home.

She seems to prefer a very limited social circle and to want him not to need any contact with people outside the family unit. It’s obviously not sustainable.

I think, based on what she’s written here there are two options: she either needs to do some work on herself via counselling or therapy and work out why she finds the outside world difficult or they part ways and he is allowed to get on with his life.

I'm not sure if this is genuine, tbh. OP has been asked for 7 pages how old they are yet, and has not replied at all since the third post about how "perfect" it was

I does sound perfect, occasionally. But seriously, EVERY Saturday would (for the vast majority of people) be very boring, if not suffocating.
You are allowing your introversion to make your life very small.
You could benefit from some counselling and daring to push your boundaries a little. If you don’t, your marriage may very well end up in trouble.

I think it would be different if he wasn't also trying to include you in these new activities. Perhaps some degree of compromise is needed.

How about you invite them round, informally. While the weather is so good you could sif in the garden (if you have one), maybe have a barbecue. All casual so you don't feel intimidated.

I agree.

It must be hard for you and feel free to mourn the ‘old’ life and tell him you miss it, but definitely don’t tell him you resent him and act entitled to your ‘old’ life. He has grown in a positive way and part of you should be proud, even if it negatively affects you.

If I were you I would start to get out more, but in baby steps and in an introvert way. Get more hobbies, even if they’re solitary. If you hate crowds, can you take up stuff that gets you outside like hiking/bird watching/paddle boarding/photography? Maybe he would love to join you.

What about a sport? I bet if you told him you want to learn pickleball or whatever together he would be thrilled.

Relationships are all about compromise. You don’t have to go out with his friends all the time, but once in a while would be great. Having interesting hobbies to do whilst he’s out with them and wishing him well is also good. And compromise on the family time.

If fear or lack of self confidence is holding you back, a therapist might be worth seeing. You might think you were happy, but were you really just in a very tiny comfort zone?

Getting out your comfort zone is scary initially so can look like ‘I hate this’. But you’re missing out on so much possibilities in life. When your comfort zone expands you then feel sorry for the old you who was stuck doing so little and was deep down afraid.

I don’t mean to alarm you but personally I would worry that if I didn’t adapt somewhat now and dug my heels in, that my husband would eventually ask for divorce, and that would mean even more change for you. He has got out of the comfort zone and realised the adventure around him. I would worry he would then find me boring and inflexible, particularly if I kept moaning about the old life.

Your old life is gone I’m afraid, he won’t be wanting it back. Adapt a bit now or face the consequences. You don’t have to become an extrovert by any means, just become a little bit more adventurous in your own way, a bit more flexible, and find some compromise.

Exactly. Sounds so suffocating and this man has finally figured life outside this depressing bubble.

I can totally understand that you’re feeling sad that your life together has changed but if you were both working from home, didn’t really go out and spent weekends visiting either set of parents then that sounds ridiculously insular and stifling and it would seem that your husband didn’t see it as being as perfect as you do.
You both need to sit down and come to a compromise. It’s good that he’s seen some of the big wide world out there but he can’t just turn his back on his wife and family. Unless he wants to end up being in the middle of a divorce.
Compromise is key here.

Right? I have young adult children and would be very alarmed if they visited me every weekend and never did anything else.

You are existing and he is living. If you don’t start living he will leave. It sounds like a very insular, depressing life and good for him for doing normal thing like normal people do.

Every Saturday morning? What fresh hell?

Working from home everyday with my spouse and then spending all weekend with parents would drive me insane. Thats no healthy way to live.

Do you have any of your own friends?

I think good on your husband. There’s a big wide world out there. It would be a shame not to explore it and meet new people.

OP, it was perfect for you. It sounds like DH has found a social life that is perfect for him. I appreciate you describe yourself as an introvert and don't like crowds, and you do not sound like you want to try new things. Are there things in the world you would like to try with DH? He sounds very open to new experiences. Can you think of any new things you would like to do? I bet he'd be up for them. Perhaps if you could do some new things together that were more 'your thing' that might help.

I feel a bit of joy for DH if I am honest. His life before sounded very predictable and repetitive, just visiting family. It would not have suited me but perhaps did suit you. I am sorry if this is really destabilising for you, OP. I can imagine it feels like having the rug pulled out from under you. However, he sounds delighted at the prospect of trying Korean BBQ and I can only be pleased for him. He has invited you along in his new adventures but you very clearly sound like you don't want to join him. This could be a problem in the future, I think. How old are you both?

Just hanging on incase the op actually tells us how old thry are

He was happy and things were perfect because he didn't know any different at the time.
Now he's broadening his horizons, trying new things.

Are you both quite young? Maybe he settled down too early and now wants to have more fun

Relationships and people evolve, especially if you stay together for a long time, if you dont move with him, you'll lose him.

You'll have to make an effort occasionally and push yourself out of your comfort zone. Would he do the same for you? Thats compromise....what relationships are all about

Sounds like you want to be a hermit for the rest of your life but he’s realised there is actually a whole world out there and he’d like to be a part of it. Go out with him, you might find you enjoy yourself.

Perfect for you.

Be careful. My friend's sister in law was happy with a quiet life in her 20s. But as time progressed she remained living with parents, only really socialising with family. She was somewhat social in her 20s but her world has shrunk as people's lives have moved on and hers has atrophied.

She is now nearly 50, single, still lives at home (despite owning her own property) and only really socialises with her ageing parents.

That sounds like the sort of thing my parents would really enjoy but they are in their 80s. Socialising with just family is
quite insular.

When you talk to him about it, ‘I
really loved days where we did xyz!’ What does he say? Does he say it was sweet but actually a bit boring sometimes? It sounds like you have maybe grown apart.

What are you guys doing today?