AIBU to resent DH's new job and how he's changed?

OP, you’re not really introverted.

‘Introverted’ means you like to be alone a lot, whereas what you want is to be seeing people frequently, but only people that you’re related to.

Most introverts absolutely would not want to be seeing family multiple times per week.

You’re not introverted. You’re just shy and unusually scared of change. That isn’t the same thing.

Also, while obviously not everyone wants to hang out with friends all the time - I certainly don’t - it seems like you also don’t want to do things just with your DH either. You don’t want to go into town with him to a cafe or a restaurant because you hate crowds (not sure what your definition of a crowd is).

You do need to broaden your horizons. It’s not fair on anyone to expect them to restrict their life to something as insular as the one you seem to want.

I’m not at all sociable and I am very introverted. I’d rather die than see anyone multiple times a week, family or not. However, I still want to see new things and try new foods, explore new places. It’s normal to have some curiosity about the world and to want to experience and be able talk about things other than having tea with your in-laws.

You wont, to start with.

I doubt he did initially but he had to work eith them so he couldn't withdraw.

Its very easy to become a reclusive agoraphobia type personality. Happened to me gradually until I found I preferred to order online rather than go to a supermarket.

It's much harder to break that cycle alone. He's needed work colleagues to do it.
You need him to help you.

Try it for 3 months. Just 3 months. Accept the events will be uncomfortable for you. A bit like going to the gym is not pleasurable but you do it because the rewards come later.

Then you can choose which life you prefer.
I hope you choose socialising - it saves your brain from atrophying.

Good luck

I am a homebody and always have been but forced myself to have a bit of a sense of adventure and never regretted pushing myself.
I often find that someone who loves being around someone else’s parents and family are trying to create a perfect family scenario that’s not possible when it’s your own. And the DH not being there as much threatens that.
As a young person, WFH all week and sitting in with DH’s parents every Saturday is not healthy. It creates too much dependence on both sides.
You need an independent life. It doesn’t mean getting a job in London, but sometimes you have to step outside your comfort zone so that when change happens, you have a sense of self.

Perfect for you. Was it perfect for him? Sounds like a very simple and quiet life. Many would be bored with that. What about trying some of his suggestions wholeheartedly for 6 months and you might find you change for the better too.

Your husband is bored shitless if having such a tiny life.

you’re old before your time with a lifestyle as you describe @newlifeoldme

you need to find a middle ground to broaden your life to something more normal for people your age.

Introversion has nothing to do with being comfortable with other people or going to new places. All introversion means is that you get your energy from solitude whereas extroverts get theirs from socialising.

I'm a massive introvert but I still love going out for brunch with friends, or exploring new places, or going on day trips or weekends away. I just need to make sure I schedule in some time to "recover" afterwards.

This isn't going to work in the long term is it?

He's asking you to go to cafes and restaurants, not massive events, football matches, concerts. Introverts can handle going to a cafe/restaurant once a week. There's more to your issues if you can't go anywhere other than family members homes - agoraphobia?

Have his parents said anything to you still centring your life around them when he's having korean bbq with his friends?

Be prepared for your life to change even more when your husband meets a woman who wants to get out there and engage with life and all it has to offer.

You might be introverted but perhaps he's finding that he's not. Maybe you've held him back.

I'm wondering how you didn't get bored with each other ages ago if you both worked from home and didn't see anybody other than both sets of parents.

OP maybe it's time for you to find your own passions in life? That doesn't need to be tagging along on your husbands work outings, I'd hate that too, but getting out and about a bit yourself.

He’s making the most of his life. I am also an introvert and need a lot of downtime, but having relationships with a wide range of people can be really rewarding. Maybe you should go to therapy to think about all of this.

Very few people would be able to live the life you described, before he changed. Don’t demand that of him; it’s definitely unreasonable.

Doesn't stop you exploring London with him, trying new places with just the two of you.
This is the stuff memories are from, in your old age when you look back. Try pushing yourself out of your very very safe comfort zone. He wants you with him to live a little.

Agree with this! Myself and my daughter are introverts but spent the whole day in London yesterday shopping, going for an early dinner and then the theatre. We do prefer spending time at home but go out once or twice a week to experience new things. We can have downtime at home afterwards. My husband’s made some new friends and I met them last week. It will probably take a few more times before I feel more comfortable with them but you have to keep adapting in your marriage.

“We were happy”

Do you think that YOU were happy and he was playing along.

He sounds like he’s found a life bless-him.

There are going to be lots of changes throughout your lives together. The point is to evolve together. You don’t have to do everything he’s doing but meeting in the middle somewhere is the key.

OP why not resolve to make an effort? He’s trying to include you. It would be unfair to make him go back to the bubble but at best you risk him stopping asking and at worst if you don’t try, this is possibly beginning of end.

Today you have a choice. Wallow or dust yourself down and ask all about his last escapade. Be enthusiastic and say that sounds great, I think I might come along to the next catch up. It takes time to bed into a new group but surely that’s better than sitting home moping?

Being an introvert needn’t mean being a hermit who sees mainly family. You’re young. No ties. Plenty time for quieter life if kids ever come along. If it’s a confidence/self esteem issue small steps will help too. Good luck.

DH and I have been married for 4 years, no kids, no plans there. We're homebodies. We were both always WFH and our social lives revolves around his parents, my parents, his cousins. It's not a lot but it was perfect for us and we could not be happier.

You were happy. He wasn’t.

We used to visit his parents at least once or twice a week for tea.

‘At least once or twice a week’ is a hell of a lot.

I’m going to call reverse on this one.

Why on earth is that sad?

You found it perfect, perhaps he found it repetitive and dull

Then he still gets to go out with his friends and do as he pleases surely? You keep saying 'it suited US and WE were happy' but he clearly wants more. Which is fine.

Why do you want to live such a small life tho ? Has something bad happened to you or something ?

that's very sad

This is growth and progression in life. Either join in or accept he is changing and support him.

OP you seem to idolise how it used to be. Perfection doesn’t exist in reality nor if we’re foolish enough to think so in the past. You may have been happy but now he’s got something else to compare it to your DH seems to realise there’s more to life, wants to broaden his horizons and live a little. I don’t think he’s done anything wrong.

Criticising him or lamenting how it was with his parents isn’t great either. You could be narrating it different. Support him. That it’s great he’s settled into new job and has got his spark. Sorry to say but he might also be finding the old rut dull now. Why not start finding new interests yourself also? Be bit more positive and exciting? You don’t sound old but in some ways had the routine of an old couple before.

It’s ok to be introverted but why not try again with his friends. Be light to be around. People love talking about themselves so even if you don’t feel like speaking or sharing you could make an effort and ask them about themselves. Sorry to say too, if you don’t try and develop and grow along with him, I don’t see your marriage lasting.

Fundamentally you were happy with your old life and he wasn't. He wants to expand his horizons and have a life outside a narrow confined family one. I think you need to try to meet him halfway and join in some of the invitations and suggestions he is making but still spend sometime visiting family, if that's what you enjoy. Your relationship is evolving. That's normal. You can't stop time or change in circumstances from happening in relationships.