AIBU to resent DH's new job and how he's changed?

I am going to be honest with you. Unless you change your mindset your marriage is heading for the rocks. He has discovered a world outside of your very narrow social group. He sounds like he is trying to invite you along and do the right thing. Your paths have split and you have two very different ways of looking at life.

She’s hugely unreasonable, she doesn’t want to try, resents him going out, resents him having friends, told him he’s changed and repeatedly declares he should be happy just socialising with his parents.

it doesn’t get more unreasonable.

How old are you both and have you always lived close to your families?

When you say you were both happy with your lifestyle, I’m sure you were but I would guess your DH has discovered that there is more available to him than going to his mum’s for tea twice a week and not having friends outside of his family.

I can understand why you may resent the new job and the new him but now that he has discovered this new social life he is unlikely to want to go back to how it was. If you stay the same you will inevitably grow apart.

its up to you to either explore and see what you can cope with or let him get on with it without you.

As an introvert I agree. But I’m happy to do things on my own.
Maybe he could do his family on a morning then go the afternoon/early evening. But I couldn’t do the meeting with a group, because I can only do small groups!

I love my family too but doing that most weeks was never sustainable. Life changes and even when it's hard we have to adapt

How do you know until you try. You have refused to accompany him in every example you have given. I think you are being quite selfish to not even try.

Your life is not normal for most people.

If you are happy and don't want to try or accept he has grown the you may find your marriage fails.

Neither of you is in the wrong. You are happy with how things were and doing the things he now wants to do make your uncomfortable.... But they make him happy. I'm introverted and it took a long time for me to realise the things that made me happy weren't what less introverted people enjoyed. It's sad it felt like you found your person and he has changed. I think you probably need to talk about it but to those saying yoh should change too that might not be possible.

Couldn’t you try to get out a bit, even just as a couple to some of the less crowded places? I can’t see what would be so bad about the Korean barbecue other than it was with people you didn’t know. Do you literally just not want to do anything or is anxiety preventing you?

I can understand why you’re sad as you thought everything was great, but I think you will have to make an effort and compromise or he will outgrow the relationship. I am much more introverted than my DP but when he wants to just sit at home I get pretty bored, on my deathbed I won’t be saying to myself “I really wish I’d sat down more” or “I really wish I’d eaten more scones”

This and I have been there and it made our marriage stronger. The number one concept here is compromise. Sometimes you do things together, sometimes you do things apart. It absolutely can work if both of you want it to.

My dh tried this shit when we got married and I said in no uncertain terms that I'll go out regardless of what he thought. So now I have my own social life and he has also broadened his horizons. We do things together, separately and without the kids.

When we 1st got together, Dh was v entrenched with his dysfunctional family dynamics & controlling siblings. He realised soon after they started getting partners and doing their own thing, how coercively controlled he was by them.

I think this is what you're doing, you are coercively controlling him and isolating him from friends. He went along with it for 4 yrs but his new job has given him a new life line. The kindest thing to do is to get divorced so he can have a proper life because you are restrictive and not enough for him.

Neither of you are being unreasonable in theory - it's just that he's expanding his world and being less insular, and you're happy with the way things were. People change, personalities change. Maybe you're just not compatible any more.

Bless you 💐

this is really hard for you, but he’s right; there’s a big wide world out there and he wants to broaden his horizons.

i think maybe you try and change with him, or your marriage won’t survive.i am sorry for you though 😔

I mean, that's not necessarily true.

Things change as we age regardless of whether or not we have families. My husband and I travelled a lot pre-kids, deliberately saved up some UK locations, now we're excited to get back travelling again. But even though we're travelling again, we don't do clubbing and bar hopping in the same way either.

Life goes through these little phases, but it doesn't mean we never return to phases.

OP - you've had harsh comments about the life you used to enjoy, and I just wanted to say that I get it. Different situation, but with my toddler, they change so much so quickly that you only really get a season of each age, and before you know it that way of life is over.

I think you might find the change easier if you do something new together, outside of your old bubble and outside of his new bubble too.

Maybe go on a trip together and discover some place? Or try a new joint hobby?

Perfect for you. Clear from this thread that others and most likely your DH would be bored shitless. You were happy but it sounds like he wasn't. You can't hold people back because you fancy an endless round of comforting scones in ever decreasing circles..

Op, people grow and change . My dh is much more outgoing than he was previously which can be a challenge for me sometimes as when I met him he was quiet and reserved
However, part of developing a good marriage is realising this and talking and compromising
In this case , your dh is trying to broaden his horizons and he wants to take you along with him

Christ if I were your husband I'd have chucked myself off Beachy Head long before now.

This is clearly your version of perfect - not necessarily everyone elses. You should try and get out there a bit more; you might build confidence and enjoy it. Xo

Give it a go, even with him and not his friends. Wandering exploring places together on a Saturday morning sounds way better then sitting with family same same.
I definitely think the social aspect of work is very important for purpose.

She's not even using the word introvert properly anyway - introverts don't hate socialising or trying new things, they just need alone time to recharge. Lots of introverts absolutely love going out, exploring and meeting new people.

Neither of you have done anything 'wrong' but if you can't adapt you may have to consider if this is the end of your marriage. Your DH is trying to involve you and wants you to be part of his new interests, he's not excluding you or dazzled by anyone at work he'd prefer to be with but that could happen eventually.

I love DS and being in his company with all my heart, but... I'd rather see him having an interesting life and visits to new places than just sitting eating scones with me every weekend.

I thought this was going to be a thread about your husband getting cocky after a promotion and/or having his head turned by a hot young thing in the office. But it sounds like he's just joined somewhere with friendly people and a good social scene and he really enjoying that and wants you to be part of it too.

Maybe it's taken him by surprise
Or maybe (sorry) he was bored and stifled by the very limited life you seem to lead but didn't know how to expand it. It's actually quite hard to "make new friends" once you're out of education and a bit introverted.

You are very focused on "we". We were perfectly happy. Our life was perfect. We are introverts and seeing our parents at their homes was enough. Well, it sounds like it wasn't enough for him, and that's ok. I'm an introvert but I would be bored rigid in a life like that with no friends and no change of scene.

I don't know what the answer is. Can you work out a compromise? Go with him every other weekend and make the most of being welcomed? And he does the family stuff sometimes too? Otherwise you'll just find you are a married couple leading seperate lives. Have you thought what would happen if you split? He'd probably have a fun life with his new friends and new experiences plus loving parents too. What about you? Would you just go back to live with your parents?

Christ your lifestyle sounds dull!

In long term relationships people change over time. Either they change together or they grow apart. It seems like the op's dh wasn't as satisfied with their quiet life as she was and there's nothing wrong with that. She can choose to compromise or perhaps realise the relationship isn't the right one for them both.

as an introvert, I don’t see what he has done wrong? It seems he has tried including you, he has changed but we all devolep and learn what we do and don’t enjoy as the years go on. If he completely left you out or put it above you that wouldn’t be fair but it doesn’t seem that way based on what you have told us. You can be very different people, enjoy your own things and still enjoy each others company.

Although OP still hasn’t returned and and answered how old they both are, it sounds as her DH has finally grown up and is happy experiencing new freedoms just like most of us hope for with our children growing up into well balanced adults.