AIBU to resent DH's new job and how he's changed?

Thing is OP, things were going to change at some point anyway.

Your parents and ILs will get older and not be up for hosting so much

Your nephew will get older and want to hang out with his mates not his uncle & aunt

If you carried on as you are now you could end up with nobody except each other. You need a bigger circle and he is developing one.

You can join him or develop your own circle, but if you insist on staying in your current routine you risk ending up very lonely.

Even the OP was a "rando" to her husband once!

I'm introverted as well and my dh loves socialising. I am perfectly happy for him to socialise all he wants to which works for both of us since we have children so someone needs to be home.

I think that you can't impose your preferences on your DH- just like he can't impose his on you. It seems like he was shy rather than introverted and that he likes socialising. You seem bitter over this and since you don't have kids maybe this is it for your relationship.

Just because he's excited to have some new friends doesn't mean he found their old life restricted and desperately dull. Unless he's said as much, that's putting an unnecessarily negative and nasty spin on the situation. OP wasn't forcing him to wfh and focus his life around family connections only. He was a willing participant in that. There's no reason to think that he didn't enjoy their old routines. I wonder if he's experiencing some sort of honeymoon period with his new friendships and is dazzled by new possibilities he hadn't considered before. Maybe this is how he'll be forever, now, but he might just as well get bored (or annoyed by the friends) and return more to his old self.

He went out and go himself a life … good for him. He obviously wasn’t happy with the life you had before, it does sound rather boring.

@Havingaswimmoose

“safe and cocooned” or restricted and desperately dull?!

seems her husband thought it was the latter

Well, if OP's husband compromises by doing some of the things they used to enjoy together in amongst his newfound interests, she'll also be compromising by accepting that things aren't exactly the same and trying to be happy with a new balance. I suppose she could compromise further by trying to do some new things, too, but if she tries it and dislikes it, I think that's asking a bit more than that he continue to spend time with their families, which he also enjoys (unless he's been unhappy all along).

@Havingaswimmoose

or maybe now he’s had a taste of it he wants something more even more….hes broadened his horizons from the little things world he had with OP and wants MORE!

it’s not in any way unnatural or abnormal to wants to socialise with people other than your spouse and family. It’s actually a good thing!

OP, I have no doubts that he was happy with your joint life. Please don't look back and have doubts.
It has no bearing on your situation if others think your way of life is boring. To me you were both safe and cocooned in your own world. How lovely.
I very much hope that your DH comes back to your world. Its possible that he's had his head turned by a new view on life. Maybe it's not sustainable for his personality. He's not really suited to it by your description of him.
Wait a few months and see what transpires.

It was perfect for you, but perhaps not for him @newlifeoldme

Where's OP compromising?

This isn't a matter of right or wrong, and there's nothing intrinsically better about being like OP or her husband. He's free to change, but OP isn't unreasonable to feel unhappy that he's changing when she preferred the way he was before. He seems to have changed dramatically and in a short space of time, which can put a strain on any relationship.

It's fair to expect him to compromise a bit and spend a certain amount of time visiting family and doing the other things you formerly enjoyed together. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. It's true that if he wants to do things differently now, he'll probably resent you if you try to prevent him—but I think he should understand that you were happy with the old routines, recognise that it's been a big change for you, and try to strike a balance you can both live with.

There was a similar post recently where the husband was the one who wanted to sit at home all day and do nothing with the wife or their kids, the responses were the same as what this OP is getting.

Wow this sounds like an incredibly boring existence if this is your set routine every Saturday. By any chance are you autistic

Sorry but this sounds tedious! There should be more to life than this! I think you need to mix things up a bit.

Believe it or not, 6 years ago his take was the norm, and yours was seen as weird. The world really changed in a short time, and things that would once have been seen as very unusual (like only seeing a very small number of people, not going many places) became more common.
But while some people think it's ok to be introverts, most people (some of whom would still call themselves introverted!) think it's good to get out and experience different things. Life moves on, and if you only ever see a small number of people, when you lose them, it can leave you with nothing. And if you try new thigs, you're bound to like some of them.

And wfh too - I understand it more if you’re working and commuting and need home to restore you and recharge your batteries

It sounds like neither of you ever left home, if your life revolves around your families! He’s had a taste of the real world and likes what he sees. You’ve 2 options either give his world a try or stay in your insular bubble which may drive you apart!

Sometimes you need to go out of your comfort zone with partners, getting to know what/who is important to them.

I'm not a fan of Korean bbq either, but I've had some great nights at Korean bbqs all the same- it's more about the vibe, the company, getting to know his work colleagues. I think you need to compromise a bit.

I would feel utterly suffocated by someone who never wanted to leave the house or do things 😩

As others have said - perfect for you. And you were both wfh too so not even getting outside to the office? Living in each other’s pockets and not going outside the family. That sounds less like homebodies and more like being hermits

The world is big and beautiful, your home country is I’m sure beautiful so explore outside your cosy bubble as your OH is doing and loving it. You may surprise yourself and love it too

I agree
Neither of you are being unreasonable
You just have different ideas of how you want to spend your time now.

It sounds like you were happy before but perhaps he wasn't as happy as you.

Tbh the life you described sounded very limited and small - many people would have felt quite suffocated /restricted with such an insular lifestyle revolving around what sounds like just your home/parents homes.

I think covid helped us all realise that such an insular lifestyle can be a welcome break initially but long term isnt really the best for our mental health.

It sounds a bit like you cling to your introversion as an excuse not to do anything - if you dont like crowds have you suggested something different like doing some weekends away travelling to some beautiful/remote locations to go hiking and explore? Is there a compromise possible?

Is that really all you want from life? I mean it sounds lovely but i can't fathom not wanting to ever do anything else.

Do you and your husband ever go out together on your own that doesn’t involve seeing family? You could compromise at weekends by going out one day and seeing family on the other.