Page 3 | To be upset DGP's are taking DC on holiday?

madderthanapissedonchicken · 2026-07-31T19:54:41+00:00

Posting for others opinions on this as I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable. my DP’s are having my 2 DC for the weekend next month, while myself and DP are away. I was told today that they have booked to take them away for the weekend. I’m in 2 minds, as obviously this is nice of them to do it & DC will enjoy it BUT I also would have preferred to have been asked and not told. a while ago DP’s wanted to take DS away, and I was worried about it him being away, wasn’t going to say yes, then spoke to DP’s and agreed. So I’m not sure why they wouldn’t ask this time? Or if they thought because they are babysitting anyway that it didn’t matter where? would this upset you or would you be ok with it?

Original poster

madderthanapissedonchicken · 01/08/2026 08:46

notanothernamesurely · 01/08/2026 08:44

You were told today by who? Is this them having a chat with you or your partner about it?

My DPs told us that they had booked to go away.
I was caught very much off guard and was shocked, so it wasn’t a discussion of what do you think if we take them away that weekend

OP posts:

notanothernamesurely · 01/08/2026 08:44

You were told today by who? Is this them having a chat with you or your partner about it?

Dontcallmescarface · 01/08/2026 08:40

Did your parents ever take you to the coast when you and your brother were children? If they did were you supervised around water? If the answer to both those is "yes" then what's the issue? Do you think that your level of supervision is above theirs or because they are mid 60's they've somehow lost the ability to understand the dangers of young kids around water? I think YABU and if I was your mother I'd be pretty offended that you felt I was uncapable at that age to be responsible enough to take my GC to the coast for a weekend.

Speakeasier · 01/08/2026 08:39

madderthanapissedonchicken · 01/08/2026 07:58

Thank you, I think this is what I will do.
I don’t want to stop them
having a lovely weekend together, and I’m sure once I tell them my worries (water safety etc) they will reassure me. I just wanted to get a few opinions on here first to check I wasn’t saying something I shouldn’t

Show quote history

I think that’s very fair OP.

I completely get why you would be concerned. There are a lot of hazards on beaches. But I’m about your parents’ ages and I can tell you I would be watching your children like an absolute hawk and far more vigilantly than I would my own children at that age. Just because I’d feel the weight of responsibility. I’m also pretty fit so wouldn’t have any problems keeping up with them.

So I would say it depends on your parents and what they’re like. If they’re the kind that would be extra careful with your children I think it will be fine. If they’re the type that think you’re fussing when you follow rules that didn’t exist 20-30 years ago then I’d have a much more serious chat with them.

If they really listen to your concerns and would be really careful around water in particular and not letting them out of their sight then I think I would be reassured in your situation. Also if your father would be an active participant then two people caring for them would be a lot easier: I used to take my children away on my own quite a bit which is trickier than being able to share the load.

Also are your children quite biddable? If they’re the type to listen to instructions rather than run off then again I’d be reassured by that. I’ve had to look after children on school trips who run off and that is much more difficult than ones that stay with you when you ask them to!

Original poster

madderthanapissedonchicken · 01/08/2026 08:38

Nesbi · 01/08/2026 08:24

If they had asked you would you have said “no, you’re only allowed to look after them at home”?
if you wouldn’t have said no, then what is the actual difference now - the outcome is the same.

Yes this is what I’m struggling with.

I would have said yes - I do trust them to look after them obviously or they wouldn’t be staying. I think if they had asked it would have been the opportunity for discussion, ie that’s a lovely idea, they’d love to go away with you. I’m worried about anything happening in the sea / pool. They’d probably be saying don’t worry we won’t take our eyes off of them etc, I’d feel reassured and happy that I’m lucky enough to have parents who want to do this.

I think it comes down to there was no discussion so I have these worries going round my head. I’m just going to mention my worries to them and hopefully from there it’s all fine. I will still worry about them (but when don’t we worry about our children) but I’ll push it down as they’ll enjoy it and just go over water safety etc

OP posts:

openended · 01/08/2026 08:27

My mum would inform me, my mil wouldn't. Their gran is spontaneous and any plans would be last minute. Their nan isn't and is a planner who would absolutely check in with me. I don't think either would necessarily ask permission though but my mum would likely tell me before whereas with their gran the kids would tell me afterwards. My mum is a helicopter nan so they wouldn't be left out of her sight but my mil wouldn't be as on it. Hence why I would leave them comfortably with their nan and not gran. It's a moot point for me as we've never left them overnight and have no plans too in the near future.

In your case you either trust their judgement or you don't. If you don't then make alternative plans.

Nesbi · 01/08/2026 08:24

If they had asked you would you have said “no, you’re only allowed to look after them at home”?
if you wouldn’t have said no, then what is the actual difference now - the outcome is the same.

Original poster

madderthanapissedonchicken · 01/08/2026 08:20

Violetdeparma · 01/08/2026 08:13

Op I also get it ,of course they should have asked first !

And yes of course it's opening them up to more unexpected risk.

However ,you don't say whether you do feel they are competent ? 60s and fit is good .

Any issues when they have been looking after then ?

Assume they are your parents? Do you get on well with them ?

I would be honest and say I'm glad your going away but I am worried about the sea and pool and I wish you had asked me.

Yes they are my parents and we get on very well, see each other weekly etc.

they are mid 60s and reasonable fitness - wouldn’t be running marathons but are still working etc.

I think that’s the best to tell them that as you say, I don’t want to upset them after they are doing something kind but I def need to talk to them about it

OP posts:

Namechangenoidea · 01/08/2026 08:18

I’m surprised by the comments/poll. I would allow my kids to stay at my mums for two nights but no I would not allow her to take them away without me. I wouldn’t trust anyone to take my kids on holiday. There is a difference to being at home.

thepariscrimefiles · 01/08/2026 08:16

ImmortalSnowman · 01/08/2026 04:46

You and your brother survived your childhood. So did your children's father. Your/his parents have been parents a lot longer than you have been one. How very insulting of you to think you know more about parenting than they do.

Cancel your trip though and tell your/his parents that you don't trust them to leave your tiny village with your children. Don't leave your children with them again as they clearly can't be trusted to look after them.

Show quote history

Just 'surviving childhood' is a very low bar. The majority of children throughout the ages have survived childhood. That doesn't mean that they were parented safely or well. Even child chimney sweeps survived to adulthood. That doesn't mean that the practice of sending small children up chimneys was OK.

Violetdeparma · 01/08/2026 08:13

Op I also get it ,of course they should have asked first !

And yes of course it's opening them up to more unexpected risk.

However ,you don't say whether you do feel they are competent ? 60s and fit is good .

Any issues when they have been looking after then ?

Assume they are your parents? Do you get on well with them ?

I would be honest and say I'm glad your going away but I am worried about the sea and pool and I wish you had asked me.

Original poster

madderthanapissedonchicken · 01/08/2026 08:12

Maddy70 · 01/08/2026 03:46

Would they have taken them out while in their care ? What's the difference?

Enjoy your break and they will have fun too

Not usually no, maybe the shops, the local park but not day trips out.

OP posts:

Original poster

madderthanapissedonchicken · 01/08/2026 08:08

SouthLondonMum22 · 01/08/2026 01:47

Because some of the arguments pp's are presenting would also make it a very bad idea for them to be left alone with Grandparents over the weekend and I'm assuming if they applied, OP wouldn't be leaving them unsupervised for a weekend in the first place such as not able to run after a small child and a few other examples.

Unless Grandparents are expecting to sit inside with the children all weekend doing nothing then things such as driving, pools, beaches, day trips etc may happen anyway. Unless OP should also tell them no driving, no swimming pools and no day trips?

Which is why I stand by you either trust them or you don't. Accidents can happen anywhere, including in the home. In fact, they are more likely to happen there.

Edited

Show quote history

I didn’t say that they can’t run after the children? I’m not sure why people are making things up?

the grandparents don’t usually take them out for the day, they do usually play at home / garden, and this has blindsided me

OP posts:

Original poster

madderthanapissedonchicken · 01/08/2026 08:05

hcee19 · 01/08/2026 01:09

How miserable are you, why are you so annoyed that they want to take your dc away. They were looking after them anyway, l think its a lovely thing to do. What is up with you? Are you jealous of their relationship with your dc? Surely you want your kids to have a great time while you are away...Live and let live, life is too short. Let your dc make lots of memories...

I’m not miserable, annoyed or jealous. Very weird of you to come to that conclusion.

I’ve already said it’s lovely of them to want to do this and it goes without saying that I’d want my children to have a nice time.

Life is too short, and things can happen in a split second. These are the things that will be running through my head constantly for that entire weekend.

When I was told the surprise trip & children would be with my DGP, I was completely comfortable with that, they’ve stayed lots of times and it’s never an issue. The goalposts have been moved without any discussion and that has left me feeling uncomfortable

OP posts:

thepariscrimefiles · 01/08/2026 08:04

Missey85 · 01/08/2026 00:28

Considering op is on here bitching about her parents babysitting for free if she wants her rules she can hire a sitter and pay for it herself

Show quote history

OP is hardly bitching! She is understandably concerned about her small children being in an environment with far more hazards than they would have at home or at their grandparent's house.

OP hasn't said anything unpleasant, unlike you.

Original poster

madderthanapissedonchicken · 01/08/2026 07:58

ByRoseBiscuit · 01/08/2026 00:49

Have a chat to them about your worries, hopefully they will be able to reassure you?

Thank you, I think this is what I will do.
I don’t want to stop them
having a lovely weekend together, and I’m sure once I tell them my worries (water safety etc) they will reassure me. I just wanted to get a few opinions on here first to check I wasn’t saying something I shouldn’t

OP posts:

Original poster

madderthanapissedonchicken · 01/08/2026 07:55

Missey85 · 01/08/2026 00:28

Considering op is on here bitching about her parents babysitting for free if she wants her rules she can hire a sitter and pay for it herself

Show quote history

I don’t know where you get that I’m bitching from? I have repeatedly said I am grateful they are babysitting and that it’s a lovely thing to want to do. but I am there mother, I expect to make the decisions regarding my young children and I worry about them, which I believe is very normal.
I was here to ask if others would be upset by being told and not asked - so please don’t make things up to suit your narrative

OP posts:

Original poster

madderthanapissedonchicken · 01/08/2026 07:49

LegoEmergency · 31/07/2026 23:57

OP, I think all these people saying “if you trust them to look after them at home, you should trust them to look after them anywhere” are totally wrong.

I wouldn’t have been happy about it at all, and I wouldn’t have allowed it. (Having said that, I also wouldn’t not have gone on holiday without my children, so it wouldn’t have occurred).

Obviously beaches, coasts, swimming pools, the sea can be very dangerous places and I could not rest knowing my very small children were somewhere like that without me.

Also, you will have “risk assessed” your own home and your parents home to know that the children are safe there. That is not the case with a holiday stay and can be difficult even if you’re taking the DC somewhere yourself. I’ve stayed in places where I’ve eg had to move loads of glassware out of direct reach of children, where external doors could easily be opened and escaped through, and where there were things like blind cords hanging next to the bed.

The purpose of their GPs looking after them is that you can rest easy knowing where they are and who they are with.

If the children go away somewhere where you don’t know what it’s like and have no control over it then I can’t see how you can have a restful holiday.

I know according to most of the responses here so far that makes me an awful person, but it is definitely what I would have thought when my children were young.

That’s it, at my DP’s home they are in familiar surroundings, with less risk.

the trip was booked as a surprise for my bday and my DP had asked DGP’s to look after the DC.

DGP’s have a very good relationship with DC, we see them weekly together etc. They sleep overnight etc , but when they sleep they don’t take them out anywhere other than local park etc but mainly they play at their home. They have lots of toys / big garden and they love it there.

I think this just blindsided me, out of the blue I was told they booked to go away. I wasn’t expecting it and I was unsure what to say because I didn’t want to come across as ungrateful which I absolutely am not. But I feel like the goalposts have changed, instead of feeling comfortable to go away because I know they are safe at home, I’m now running 100 dangerous situations through my mind. I appreciate not everyone is like this, but I can’t help how my brain works.

as I’ve already said, I know this was coming from a good place, but as their mother I think they could have gave me a quick call before booking. They obviously discussed it with each other, so where would be the harm in a 5 min call to just check it. Again this is unreasonable to many on here, but I just cannot imagine in any circumstance taking someone’s children away without asking them

OP posts:

Megifer · 01/08/2026 07:36

Yes op i imagine most grandparents would quickly check it was ok. If they are pushy, overstepping etc generally then I wouldnt be shocked they didn't ask.

It is very poor form, most people would expect to be asked if they wanted to borrow their lawnmower for a few days but take away the DC without checking? Nah, it'll be alright, no need 😂

OrangeSlices998 · 01/08/2026 07:24

madderthanapissedonchicken · 31/07/2026 21:06

A coastal location in the UK, a few hours away from home.

like I say, it is very nice of them to do. I just would have thought that before booking you’d say are you happy with this? I couldn’t imagine booking a trip to take someone’s children without ok’ing t
with the parents.

the reason I wasn’t sure about the previous trip is just because of more risk being away - swimming pool, sea etc. some may see that as unreasonable, but my brain worries about these things! 😖

DC’s are 6 and 4

A quick chat so you’re aware of the plans, yes I’d expect that. Or even just conversationally ‘we are booked to go to Devon, really excited to take the kids to XYZ’ is normal. I wouldn’t need to be asked permission, take them wherever, but it would be odd not to know!

Cakeandcardio · 01/08/2026 07:14

Jandern · 31/07/2026 21:10

OP in the real world, it’s normal to have a quick chat before doing this trip with young grandchildren. People here just like to be contrary.

Show quote history

This with bells on.

Isit2026yet · 01/08/2026 07:14

@madderthanapissedonchicken Stop over thinking it and enjoy the weekend.

JLou08 · 01/08/2026 06:56

madderthanapissedonchicken · 31/07/2026 22:19

I would prefer to be asked / discussed with before it happens / gets booked yes

Show quote history

You shouldn't be leaving your children with someone for a weekend if you're not comfortable with them having autonomy over how they spend that time.

JFC26 · 01/08/2026 06:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Globules · 01/08/2026 06:38

And also simply untrue. Mothers have always been weirdly obsessed with making sure their kids are safe, right throughout history.

I've always been 100% about keeping them safe @JFC26 . But there's a difference between keeping them safe and being overprotective.

This thread is littered with over protective mumminess.

My children's GP did all sorts with my children and they always kept them safe. I trusted them to look after my children.

I suggested to a couple looking to adopt that they could have my children 4 days/3 nights to give them a better taste of parenting than babysitting. They jumped at it. 3 yr old DD cried when we came home and clung onto our friends, as she'd had so much fun swimming and on days out with them. I didn't tell them what they could and couldn't do. I trusted them to look after my children.

I looked after many of my friends under 5s alongside mine. Heck, I even took my 2 and two of their friends on day trips to London and France when they were in KS2. Their parents trusted me to look after their children.

A weekend at the seaside is not a safeguarding issue.