To be upset DGP's are taking DC on holiday?

I do a lot of caring for my nephew and nieces. I prefer to make life easy for myself so it nearly always makes sense to look after them in their house rather than mine.

I don't know that I'd take them far from home by myself because that just sounds hard - it's still childcare in a different place without all the stuff that's where you expect it to be at their house.

I would check with your parents if they're worried about child-proofing of their house / whether it would help for them to stay in your house with the kids the next time you're away.

Also think about other things you can do to make going elsewhere easier.

The children are still very small, of course the OP’s parents should tell her they are planning to take them away overnight! When I looked after my niece on a regular basis I told DSIL when I took her on a day trip to a theme park with a friend and her DC. The park was 100 miles away. I wouldn’t dream of taking anyone’s child away, family or not, without telling their parents.

MN is such a weird, parallel universe sometimes!

Edited to say @madderthanapissedonchicken perhaps your post title should have been that you are upset you were not told DC were going on holiday. I think it’s currently a bit misleading since it reads as if you are just upset they are going on holiday.

You have no idea how much I would love a weekend away from my kids! I’ve not had a night off since they were born 4 years ago. Just enjoy your break, they raised you didn’t they, I’m sure they’ll be grand

Trust your parents to give your children a happy time.

As a grandparent, I wouldn’t dream of taking my grandchildren away without checking with parents first, especially at that age. Even now, with the youngest 8, if I’m taking him somewhere for the day “go ape” for example I still check in. The others are all above 11 so don’t worry for days, but I would just check in with parents if I wanted to take them away. It doesn’t do any harm, and I think it helps the parents to know where the kids are.

100% sort of thing my parents would do and I wouldn’t bat an eyelid at. I trust my parents to care for DS and they can do as they wish with him. They took him to France for two weeks when he was 2. I do feel it’s a case of either trust them or you don’t.

This totally you trust them to take care of your kids but in a venue of your choice? Sorry just dont get it. If they are caring for your children whilst you are having a child free break then who cares where it is? Honestly really cant understand the issue here

Your worry is entitely rational OP. I think you should say you're not happy aboit this. Perhaps book a w/e seaside jaunt with all of you when you're back?

I have. Maybe it's a reason why I don't see it as a big deal.

If Grandparents have them for the weekend, they can take them away if that's what they want to do. They have never asked permission, they just tell me what they'll be up to.

I know you didn't but other people have said things along those lines.

Do you have anxiety about things they may do, that you aren't comfortable with? Speak with them and lay out the rules you want them to abide by. If your dc are staying with their dgp's anyway, why does it worry you they never mentioned it, has something happened in the past that you are uneasy about. Talk to them, l am sure all will be fine. Apologies for my initial harsh response

Yes they absolutely should have asked first.

I think it’s very odd not to tell/ask you before booking but ultimately I’m sure they’ll have a great time

@madderthanapissedonchicken

thats a good idea, OP - cancel your trip and stay home with your children 😊

When DD was about the same age as OPs children she would occasionally go and stay with DM for a few days in the school holidays. Mum's DP had a static caravan at the coast and, on one occasion while DD was staying, they went to the caravan for a couple of nights taking the DPs similarly aged DGC.

I had forgotten about it until this thread. I can honestly say I did not mind a bit and it didn't occur to me for a moment that they should have cleared it with me. I trusted my DM 100% and I was grateful that they had given DD a lovely time.

Keeping kids entertained pottering at home for a whole weekend is quite different from a few hours. I see why you didn't consider that they'd want to take the kids on holiday, but day trips further afield must've been a realistic possibility. If you're only comfortable with them being in a close radius of your parents home, that did need to be specifically communicated.

Why didn’t you have the discussion with them instead of posting on here? Does your partner disagree with you and has told you that you are over reacting? Or have you not bothered to have a grown-up conversation with anyone?

It’s their grandchildren, I would expect a family friend to ask but if I was leaving my kids with my dad or my sister - and was happy to do that, I’d not be worried if they decided to go away for a couple of days. They’re past of my family and have my kids best interests at heart.

FWIW I would imagine they will be more vigilant and risk aware in a new environment than at home.

At home it’s much easier for your mum to go and put a wash on while the kids are in the garden, or to think your dad is watching them while he nods off in his chair. In a hotel they’ll all be in one or two rooms, both parents are likely to be watching the children constantly and they will absolutely feel the weight of responsibility while out and about.

I completely understand your worries, it’s natural and inevitable when you’re away from them, especially as you can’t picture where they’ll be while you’re away. I’d definitely have a chat with the parents and explain that you’re feeling nervous about the kids being at the seaside without you.

I was at the beach the other week and there was a primary school trip there, approx 60 x 5 or 6 year olds all being herded in and out of the sea to paddle and play games. I was worried the whole time just sitting near them!

Your parents have 2 kids between 2 adults who will be watching them like hawks. Probably more so at this age than if they were teens likely to swim out on their own or wander off to get drinks. Try to enjoy your trip - you deserve a break and hopefully you won’t spend the whole time worrying. Get the GPs to send you regular updates and photos.

I'm getting confused @madderthanapissedonchicken - is it the courtesy issue that's bothering you or the fact it's making you uncomfortable they will be at the coast?

If it's the first one, I think it depends on the relationship you have with them. When my mum looked after my DD I didn't expect her to run past me what they were doing as a courtesy because they were her plans for her day - effectively not my business. But I know that's not how everyone works so fair enough.

If it's the fact they will be at the coast that's making you uncomfortable and that you expect them to reassure you that, effectively, they know what they are doing (I think I saw that in one of your posts), I personally think that's quite unfair and i wouldn't be surprised if they get a bit offended.

You either trust them to look after your child and make appropriate judgements or you don't. It doesn't matter where they are - accidents can happen whenever and wherever and I know someone else mentioned being more complacent in usual environements. Unless there's some drip feed coming where you mention they were slack as parents when you were a child, I don't understand that part of your position.

If they don't allay your concerns appropriately I'm assuming you will, of course, be cancelling your holiday/finding alternative childcare arrangements?

YANBU at all.
Nice thing to do sure but it's very weird to arrange to take someone else's children on holiday without consulting the parents! Who does that? Have any of the posters saying YABU had this happen to them? I doubt it somehow.
I personally think it's overstepping. And my DC went away with GP's and other family members over the years, no issue with that. It just wasn't arranged without my knowledge because that would be very weird indeed.

I can understand your concern and think they should have asked
hiwever, actually complacency sets in when I’m familiar environments so I don’t necessarily agree they’re safer at home. Because it’s familiar I think accidents are more likely to happen because it feels safe and known.
in unfamiliar, busy places and where there’s water I know I was absolutely more vigilant.

just speak to them and say you’re happy they’re taking them but are very nervous for these reasons. Get them to reassure you. And I also know from my parents that when looking after my young dc they were much more safety aware and vigilant with them than I ever was.

You’re not so worried about them if you are happy using your annual leave and money to go away without them.

Do you really think your parents don’t know about water safety, or keeping small children close in a new environment? I assume they raised you to adulthood?

I think you need to own your own anxiety and not pass this on to your parents by suggesting they don’t know how to keep their grandchildren safe.

I think it is important to acknowledge that this is about your own anxiety, and wanting them to ask you first is really about wanting them to help you manage your anxiety.

That conversation will be for your benefit, it won’t change how they look after their grandchildren. They will do that using all the care, knowledge and experience they gained from raising a child (children?) of their own all the way through to adulthood.