Struggling to accept DS 3.5 is likely autistic

Many years ago I was in a very similar situation and was adamant I wanted my daughter in mainstream school.The educational psychologist said that people are really scared of special school but sometimes the child will fare better as a normal child in a special needs setting where all the teaching is relevant and and specialist support available than being “different”in mainstream where their peers will often overtake them and they might struggle to make friends

Just thought I’d add to my original post that in the 8 days since my comment,DS is now using happily using the potty! It’s not the toilet but it is a start and just goes to show that children will often do things in their own time. We tend to find that for DS progress comes in stages so we will have a few months of the same then a couple of months where he’s really developing and progressing like a cycle, it feels like he’s just processing life at his own pace really

They will probably decide at your next paediatric appt about whether to do the assessment.

The assessment process differs in different areas. If you have been referred for assessment, you don’t need another referral.

EHCPs aren’t just for those in special school. You don’t need to know if DS needs a special school yet either. Despite what some LAs say, those with EHCPs, don’t have to try MS first.

Request an EHCNA now. Unless you have a finalised EHCP by the deadline for normal applications in January, you should make a normal application just in case. You may not need it but better to have applied and not need it than not apply then be left needing to make a normal late application.

They will kind of expect you to try mainstream first unless he is very severe but I know children with severe autism who had to start mainstream first. You won't get a special school without an EHCP.

An MDA is a multi disciplinary assessment its made up of the ados test, reports from nursery, SALT, observations by the paediatric team and together the professionals led by a consultant decide if a diagnosis of autism or something else is appropriate. Honestly if you haven't had a GP referral to the paediatric team then its worth getting one.

Is he on the waiting list for the MDA? If not, its worth getting on the paediatric teams radar, they will do an initial assessment and decide whether to put him on the waiting list and they can arrange straight away for the LEA to put support in place at nursery and the LEA will follow up thats being carried out, its all evidence if you do need to apply for an ECHP.

Appeal. The threshold for an ECHNA is "may have SEND needs and may need an EHCP". Your child clearly meets this.

98% of SEND tribunals are found in favour of the parents

The LA didn’t need your permission or agreement to name the mainstream. Even if your preference was a special school, they could have still named the MS in I and forced you to appeal.

Refusal to assess appeals don’t have an 18 month wait.

Personally, I wouldn’t make it clear when requesting an EHCNA that your preference will be SS. Showing your hand too soon gives the LA an incentive to refuse to assess.

I care for 3 teens who all have global development delays, are all neurodiverse, 2 have FASD, 1 speech impediment and deaf in one ear but who all love sport. I would advise you to try to join him up to the disability sport teams when he gets a bit older. The coaches are amazing and being part of a team with similar problems seems to be very beneficial for the DC. The teens I care for play disability football and disability cricket and so much is put on for them over the school holidays. I have been with them twice last week and 3 times this week. They do 3 days residential trips too for over 12's. They have all made firm friendships they would otherwise not have made and it's helped so much for them being accepted without having to try to change.

We found mediation completely useless, sadly. The LA just doubled down on their refusal.

On that basis, my advice would be to go straight to appeal. They backed down before it went to court and agreed to do the assessment.

I hate and dread any communication over the holidays. I really hope it gets overturned at mediation.

Going to start with mediation first. Just annoying or maybe it is deliberate that they choose to reject in the middle of the holidays when you would have liked a chat with school.

Put your appeal in now the waiting lists are at 18 months for tribunal. Then you also start pressuring your county. Lots of group on Facebook with parents in exactly the same position. I wish you luck. You may get it overturned at mediation because I've heard that happening quite a bit.

You start applying for the ehcp and make it clear you want sen school - the ehcp is on needs not diagnosis. My son is very severe had his diagnosis of asd and gdd and we got our ehcp (not worth the paper it was written on) when he started reception. mainstream named because the county put me under pressure to name it. If I had known then what I do now, I would have refused to name it and started the panel progress. When I got the ehcp I started the appeal but took another year and half to get a sen school.
There are kids at my sons sen school who got places in reception because their parents knew to refuse to name mainstream.
We were told try mainstream but it was a huge waste of time. And for more severe children very unsafe environment.

You can appeal their refusal. We did with DD1 (17) and she now has an EHCP and is in a specialist college.

Wish you all the best.

i have 4 kids. The older two were only diagnosed as ND much older (14 and 19) having developed typically in many ways and had a fairly uneventful primary school journey of masking and assimilating to a certain extent.

What I would say is - you never know when the wheels may come off. Our journey has been different to those with more “traditional” autism but very difficult nonetheless with huge mental health worries, police involvement, risk taking, social problems etc. I say this because you may feel very bleak now but you never know what is around the corner - even if you feel like your children are developing typically. Mine are now quite heavily supported and wonderful human beings but life will never be easy for them.

Thank you for that. I will send a short email to her informing her of the decision. She was happy to know about the outcome of the autism assessment.

Please try and contact your SENCO. I check my emails throughout the holidays when there are things relating to EHCPs happening. It's not a requirement but the pay for the SENCO role is buttons, most are doing it because they have an interest at least. It's worth a try. Sorry the EHCP was rejected - it's a horrible system for parents.

Just been refused an assessment for an EHCP even though my four year old is still in nappies, speaks very little, has a diagnosis of autism and has very little sense of danger. Oh and they have done it in the middle of the summer holidays so you can't contact the SENCO. Lovely. OP should be prepared that they will refuse.

If he hasn't got an EHCP or a diagnosis then how can she do that? Plus from the sounds of how he is they will probably expect him to try mainstream first. My son is probably slightly more severe and he is starting mainstream.