Argh! So stressed, worried I am going to damage my DD emotionally :(

You really are amazing.
One day at a time.

I think you're doing great and should be very proud. Take a minute to look at what you've achieved, on your own.

My grandson's private school closed at the end of last term which was a real bummer. Of course I was upset for him - he had only 1 more year before going up to senior school and it means that he will have to change schools twice, plus there are other practical difficulties.... but one of my first thoughts was for the staff. It must have been incredibly difficult for them to ensure the children had a normal, happy, fulfilling education while having all the worry about finding new jobs/being unemployed and (in your case) having to move house and finding another school for your own child.

Don't beat yourself up about circumstances you can't control, you are doing an amazing job, keep carrying on!

Oddly enough... my own school closed down when I was ten. My birthday is in November so I ended up going to my senior (boarding) school as a ten year old, young for my year! I was lucky to be able to do that though.

These are the pretty shit consequences of the govt’s private VAT policy. Fucking horrible. My sibling teaches in a private school and the staff are in fear of the school closing. They have already faced a big round of redundancies and morale is terrible. One member of staff got made redundant because her entire department was shut - her subject is no longer offered. She had a kid with SN at the private school. She is now on benefits and totally broken. My sibling lives close to school and doesn’t drive so will have to move from his flat if school closes. As it is, the job now carries an increased, unsustainable teaching load. There are so many cases like this. It’s really pretty tragic for some people. I was very strongly against the private VAT policy. Yes, every child should get a fantastic education. But we do not live in utopia. And all state schools are exceptionally far from equal / fair. Bashing private schools actually bashes real people like the OP. And the state sector hasn’t benefitted at all. Zero extra teachers.

In terms of advice, I would try to talk to your dd relatively causally, say that you had too many things to do, you got upset about it and are very sorry for shouting at her. That it wasn’t her fault etc. she is 6 and will barely remember this. You can offer small treats, like choc. Say the next home is an adventure and get her to help packing or pay a company to do it. (Can your dad give you the money for this?). I would avoid ADs if possible because in a few months, the stressor will be gone and you will likely be in a much better position.

I went through an awful time when my DC was 5 years old and I was just trying to survive. Being a ‘good mum’ was incredibly difficult under so much pressure.

You will get through this. Things will get better. This stress will not be forever. Keep repeating this to yourself. It is true, but it also helps to keep you going mentally. This is a bad phase- not a forever situation.

Focus on the next stage you need to arrange in order to get yourself where you need to be instead of looking at the big picture. The big picture is for when you need to plan your steps, but you must not think about that day-to-day because it will be too much.

My DC seems to have no recollection of my stress 2 years on. I was exactly how you have described. Have you got a support system of any kind you can vent to? Breathing exercises and gentle exercises can help. I understand you won’t have much time at the moment, but walks with your DC when you can might help. Sometimes I coped better on the days where we’d been out.

Also, children of that age value little things like trips to the local park and playing a bard game with their parent. You’re working hard to put food on the table, you don’t need to worry about not being able to provide much more.

Being a single mum is one of the hardest things in the world. When something happens it’s all on you and the intensity of that pressure is incomparable. Working your arse off, stressed out of your mind, and waking up with a smile on your face…well, it isn’t always possible. On those days try to get out, be in a neutral place (like a play park) where you can sit for a minute to decompress while your daughter plays.

You’re a good mum.

You are doing brilliantly, OP.

I know it doesn't feel like it, but you have achieved magnificently.
I'm in awe.
Lots of helpful tips on here which may help you.
I just came on to say: You're The Bizz.
And your DC6y/o will be FINE.

Well done!💐💐💐

Aww op this is a lot to deal with as a single mum doing everything your doing a brilliant job like others have said be kind to yourself none of this was on you. I hope you get to spend some quality time with your dd. Please sort out your redundancy asap as you need this as a priority also can you get uniform on line do you still have to attend the job centre even though you have a job to go to is there no discretion on the rules. No wonder your running on empty can your dad help every day for short bursts just so dd isn’t feeling lonely let her help you where she can it’s all a temporary blip and things will get better for you both. Well done for getting this far.

That sounds like my daily life. Stop beating yourself up, you are doing an amazing job and it’s natural that things will feel too much at times. It sounds like you have sorted out all your work related issues and you are taking steps to address them. Try to do a list and focus on that for the next few weeks until the move is out of the way. Things will improve I’m sure. Maybe engage in some meditation apps on your phone to settle you at night and try to identify some low costs one on one activities you can do with your DD as she will be feeling it all too.

I have to say that the fact that you're self aware enough to know all this is a sign you're probably doing okay regards your daughter. She's dealing with her own grief, but you are setting a fantastically good example for her about resilience in tough times.

My feeling is you need to prioritise your own wellbeing. No wonder you have a short fuse. Can you get any respite or time to simply step back? If you're religious, maybe they have options like prayer retreats, or if not, councils and mental health services often do cheap or free sessions in things like meditation / wellbeing.

I wish you well, it sounds like you're an amazing mum. 👏 This too shall pass. 🙏

Do you know any teenagers wanting to boost their CV who would come and help entertain her?

Another one backing medication. You don’t have to stay on it but if it helps get you through a difficult period then it’s worth it.
You sound amazing but you need to look after yourself in order to look after your daughter.
Wishing you and your daughter all the best in your new house and job/school x

I have been a similar situation (a few times!) and you will get through this. I would write a big do list. What is causing the most stress? Start with these at the top. Uniform- can you order online and tick that offer? Sit down and complete school forms. Ask friends for help, packing and sorting.

You will look back and wonder how you coped but you will. I have moved and changed jobs with young children on my own, they are very resilient. Remove any guilt, you have no choice as your/dds school has closed and you have done brilliantly to get a new job.

For your new school I would focus on moving for the moment and then allocate a day get on top of new schemes of work etc closer to Sept start date.

I know money is tight but is there a cheap sorts club you can book her in for? This would give you a day or so to do some jobs or get organised or have some time to process.

it sounds very cliche but you must be kind to yourself, I have also been in exam marking hell and it takes it toll. Late nights and the concentration are hard work.

also get rid of as much stuff as you can- Vinted, FB marketplace etc and a carboot sale if a friend can take you or you dad?

I will try and think of some more tips …

it’s not easy being in education at the moment and getting a new job is tough despite what is in the news about lack of teachers. Things will settle and you will both flourish.

all the best- you got this!!

Ah op your dd will look back on this period of change and remember a mum who worked hard, who always did the best she could, and who toughed it out during difficult circumstances 💐. That’s a great life lesson!

It’s easy to say rather than do, but if you can try and prioritise sleep, and get to bed as early as possible, and give yourself some time to wind down, you will feel overall so much better 💐

She's 6. Young children are very resilient - she will be fine. I think it would be a different story if she was 16.

I would definitely look into how much extra to get removal company to pack - it wasn't much extra, and you just go out and they pack! Worth it if you're on the brink...

My two (now 15 and 17) have lived through a house fire, the divorce of myself and their dad, a massive career move for me (went back to uni and did a masters degree in nursing) and my bipolar diagnosis. Plus my sons autism diagnosis, me working nights to get by when at uni so less energy in the daytimes and of course, many of us forget… Covid and my two are doing well. Stress might not be ideal but it teaches them resilience and the art of solving dilemmas. This is a “season” in your life and not forever forever.

Yes, this is a good idea.

Also look at local charitable trusts. Often the only criteria is that you have to live in a particular area.

You may not feel comfortable applying but you have been hit with difficult circumstances and, if you fit the criteria, this is literally what the trust is designed to do. You can always pay the money back when you are settled, if you feel you must.

I would say, re promethazine. It can be amazing for sleep but don't start off at 40mg. I reckon 10-12 is easily sufficient to get me through and otherwise I'm super groggy the next day. I try not to take it more than a few days in a row otherwise I get rebound insomnia.

OP I just wanted to add my support. We were in the same boat last year and I made the hard decision to leave the country and teach internationally for the free tuition, accommodation and childcare. My head was exploding with packing, sorting passports and visas etc but now we have done a year I think everything has settled and the kids are happier. I kept DC6 in the loop and he understands why we had to move etc, he has actually settled better here than at his old school. I really feel for you and wanted to share that there is definitely light at the end of this tunnel. 💐

SP. Promethazine

Proethazine for sleep, if you're struggling. It's available otc and the dose for sleep is 40-40mg. Gamechanger.

Look online how to regulate your nervous sysyem.

Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Action is my number one thing for reducing stress and anxiety, see also writing lists.

Reframe this as a super new adventure, which it is.

Let all the unnecessary shit fall away.

Ask for help where possible and outsource.

You are doing fucking amazingly and i am proud of you. We women, particularly single parents carry so fucking much, we're bloody amazing.

Everything is going to work out better than you ever imagined. In 6 months you will be settled and this will all just be a memory.

Our children are not damaged by seeing natural, proportional emotions from us. Be open and honest with her that you have a lot going on, but you are both safe and embarking on a whole new life chapter.

It's all going to be fine 😊.

Be kind to yourself. Make sure you acknowledge when you have unkind to her and apologise to her. I had a shouty mum who got cross when she was stressed. She always apologised and tried to explain. We have a great relationship and I don’t know what I’d do without her.

can any of your work friends have you dd for a few hours? Or can you have a play date so she is entertained without it having to be you.

Have you looked at the price of getting the movers to pack vs not? Because there was far less in it than I thought and even if money if tight if it saves you an entire summer of stress it might be worth it? I know there’s sorting to do if you don’t want to move with a load of stuff you don’t need but I just thought I’d plant the seed.

Change is discombobulating, and you have a lot going on. Not quite the relaxing summer you’d hoped for, but it sounds like you’ve done a lot of the organisation already, which is amazing. DD will be fine, it’s amazing what kids can deal with and it sounds to me like you’re role modelling some kick-ass adulting. Give her plenty of hugs, tell her you love her, and find some cheap things to do together. When mine were little we used to go on random train rides to places not too far away, they loved being on a train and just going to a different park somewhere and maybe getting an ice cream was an adventure. You’ve got this, and soon things will settle down again. Just got to ride the last bit of the storm. You’ll manage it because you’ll have to (sounds obvious but it’s something I’ve been very aware of as a single parent over the years).