Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to wonder if my DH is pedantic or am I being oversensitive?

268 replies

Internationalwomendayheadquarters · 31/07/2026 19:06

DH is incredibly pedantic and I’ll try to give some specific examples as I don’t know if it’s just me being over-sensitive:

  • He will insist that the children are quiet at meal times so that he can always listen to the radio or TV. Starts shouting if this rule is not upheld.
  • Is obsessed with feeding the kids healthy meals. Over the summer, they are allowed one lolly/ ice cream a day. They have never been to a fast food restaurant as he would go mad. If I ever buy sweets, he goes ballistic.
  • Is obsessed with his mpg in the car and if I’m driving, will always tell me what to do.
  • Will not let me do laundry during the day - it has to be done during the night to save money. I’m the one who has invested in solar panels, but he pays electricity bills.
  • Will never, ever chuck anything out and when I try to have a declutter, will go through the items and try and bring things back.
  • when in the car, he gets fixated on overtaking the car in front and drives too quickly with the children. Both me and my FIL agree with this behaviour.

How do I live with this? Who’s the problem here?

OP posts:
parallhel · 31/07/2026 19:29

What would happen if you said "NO" to him about any of his orders.

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 31/07/2026 19:29

There’s a lot going on in your post. First step, children should have mealtimes where people talk to each other rather than listening to the radio. It’s an important skill.
Either he takes his radio and his meal somewhere else, or you and the Dc do. In this weather, outside is an option.

Do one problem area at a time. Stay really calm and don’t criticise him. Just state how things are going to be. He can do what he likes, but so can you and the Dc.

pinkandwhiteroses · 31/07/2026 19:28

This isn't being pedantic, this is being a controlling, abusive wanker.

Pistachiocake · 31/07/2026 19:27

Often these things are the other way round, as in lots of mums ask for the exact same things, but as in any relationship, you both have to agree. Discuss, both compromise so you each get what's most important, then have a united front wit the kids.

Original poster
Internationalwomendayheadquarters · 31/07/2026 19:26

Lentilcakes · 31/07/2026 19:24

i thought you were going to say he reloads the dishwasher or is fussy about where things go, but this is next level.
He told your DC to shut up while discussing the Holocaust? He really is an unpleasant man. Was he like this prior to you marrying/having DC?

He’s also like this about the dishwasher - funnily enough, it works absolutely fine when he’s away and I load it!

He wasn’t really like this before, but now I feel like he takes all the joy out of life.

OP posts:
Lentilcakes · 31/07/2026 19:24

i thought you were going to say he reloads the dishwasher or is fussy about where things go, but this is next level.
He told your DC to shut up while discussing the Holocaust? He really is an unpleasant man. Was he like this prior to you marrying/having DC?

Original poster
Internationalwomendayheadquarters · 31/07/2026 19:22

He’s got very rigid thinking. He’s 55 and I’m 40.

OP posts:
CamomileCream · 31/07/2026 19:22

Pointing out that a mate says Pacific not specific is pedantic. Your DH can't even be a shit consistently. Who drives like an arse AND is obsessed over mpg

Lululimess · 31/07/2026 19:21

Sounds like he’s got very rigid thinking. Just tell him to fuck off.

username2185 · 31/07/2026 19:20

He sounds like a right dick, has he always been like this? How old is he? I only ask because he sounds like a miserable old man. What would happen if you told him to live a little?

Weeellokthen · 31/07/2026 19:19

Remove yourself and dc from this horrible parent, please.
It is the only solution

Original poster
Internationalwomendayheadquarters · 31/07/2026 19:18

OriginalSkang · 31/07/2026 19:16

This is controlling behaviour. He doesn't get to decide how you parent your children, that's somwthing you need to decide together

The first one is wild!

Tonight it was particularly poor. The two eldest ones (10 and 8) were actually discussing the holocaust. He told them to shut up.

OP posts:
OriginalSkang · 31/07/2026 19:16

This is controlling behaviour. He doesn't get to decide how you parent your children, that's somwthing you need to decide together

The first one is wild!

LittleGreenDuck · 31/07/2026 19:15

Yeah, that’s not what pedantic means. He’s just a dickhead.

Original poster
Internationalwomendayheadquarters · 31/07/2026 19:15

Soulhorse · 31/07/2026 19:13

He’s a controlling, abusive bully. Do you share finances op?

No, we don’t share finances.

OP posts:
Soulhorse · 31/07/2026 19:13

He’s a controlling, abusive bully. Do you share finances op?

blackrabbitwhiterabbit · 31/07/2026 19:11

MasterBeth · 31/07/2026 19:07

Hate to be pedantic but this isn't being pedantic, this is being a prick

Edited

First post nails it Cake

MasterBeth · 31/07/2026 19:07

Hate to be pedantic but this isn't being pedantic, this is being a prick