AIBU to expect my wife to mention changing her working hours?

Has she previously expressed a wish to work part time and you were not supportive?

More pedantry....OLevels went out more than 18 years ago. I sat them, but I'm 60. I think GCSEs were rolled out late 80s.

Since you mention stepson, I presume this is a second relationship for her.

You seem to be living somewhat separate lives. Your finances are separate (since you have noticed the 25% drop in her income) and there is less visibility over each other's comings and goings and you both don't seem to take about your days much.

It is odd she did not tell you. Maybe she was forced to drop 2 days and is embarrassed to tell you.

How old is she? If she is closer to retirement, perhaps she thinks this would be a good step down for her.

That’s definitely weird. She would have known a while that these changes were afoot.

If I was your wife I'd have been really annoyed that my workplace had provided that information! However, yes, it does sound very odd that she's not mentioned it. Does she still 'go out to work' as usual?

Really weird!

Is there any reason why she wouldn't have told you? Is this a normal thing in your relationship?
I know you said there is no impact, but I would have thought the majority of couples would discuss this anyway in this situation just as a conversation 'I'm thinking of dropping hours, what do you think?' type thing.

If it were to affect the household ie finances/childcare etc that's another story and weirder again.

Seems like that would be confidential information that wouldn’t be given over the phone.

This is really weird. No one in a marriage/LTR should make unilateral decisions which affect joint finances. I do think you should raise it with her, just a casual “When were you going to tell me…..” rather than “Why didn’t you tell me…” which might put her on the defensive,

I've taken a few sneaky days off to do the things I need to do around the house, have lunch in peace etc, usually when I've been feeling exhausted and burnt out. I know if I told DP I'd taken leave, he would decide to work from home on my day off, have the television blaring out, and generally get in the way- he doesn't seem to need silence and personal space, and he doesn't understand my need for it. I'd like to think I'd discuss this with DP before I permanently dropped hours though, and took a paycut, but I can see how this situation could arise.

Surely it impacts household finance. It is very bizarre that she has not told her, you would need to mention it to her and work out whats going on. Also, there is a chance her colleague may mention you have called - then you could find her knowing you know and not mentioning it to you and you knowing and not mentioning it to her? Mental situation.

Are you sure she didn't tell you and it wasn't that she told you but you just weren't listening.......

I think it’s odd yeah, not just because of the working hours but the income she’s now not bringing by reducing her hours? Is that not something that’s usually discussed as a household?

If I understand you correctly, she has gone down to 3/4 of her previous hours? It doesn’t sound like you did a great job of convincing her colleagues that you already knew if they explained in this much detail. Otherwise, “no it’s not one of her days” would have covered it.

It’s weird she didn’t tell you. I suppose only you can guess why. You need to ask her.

That's really weird behaviour from her, sorry. You need to say that you rang to speak to her and were shocked to be told this. She's your wife, be open and ask what's going on.

Why won’t you just ask her?

strange all round

Weird.

I’m thinking the same here

Isn’t the fact you couldn’t contact your partner in the middle of an emergency one of issues here? If someone in the team took time out to discuss in some detail a change to a working pattern they will surely tell her you called?

Do you never ask how her day at work was? You mustn't do if she hasn't lied to you about where she has been.
Maybe she is waiting to see how long it will take for you to ask that so she can respond and tell you she doesn't work x day anymore.

"... I would have said absolutely nothing had she told me... "

You would have said nothing?

Sorry but... would you not have wanted to discuss the fact that her income would presumably be dropping by 25%?

Add to that this is weird, it is equally weird that you are asking on MN whether you should ‘mention’ it to her.

Go on, have a ‘mention’!

What did you need her for that meant you needed to call the main reception for her work?

It's weird that she didn't tell you. I also think it's weird that you rang her work. I can't imagine my DH rinning my work when I didn't respond to him trying my mobile.

Your wife has changed her work hours without mentioning it to you. Your reaction is to come on here and ask if you “should mention this” to her.

If she had mentioned it, you wouldn’t have had anything to say about it.

Call me Sherlock, but there seems to be poor communication in this marriage.

me too and me too