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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to expect my wife to mention changing her working hours?

228 replies

ByScott · 31/07/2026 12:58

Last week I had a few issues and couldn’t contact my wife so had to call her work.

It emerged that not only had she reduced her hours to .75 but she had compacted them so only works 3 days a week.

She never told me this. Should she have?

Should I mention this to her?

It doesn’t particularly impact on me and had she discussed it with me I wouldn’t have had anything to say about it.

OP posts:
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Tringtomoz · 03/08/2026 16:45

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Pandypaws · 03/08/2026 14:38

If she didn’t answer your calls or messages, what was she doing instead? Did she chose to not respond or was unable to?

NotMajorTom · 03/08/2026 14:35

Smallitch · 03/08/2026 13:57

This smacks of a woman scared of a partner and doing something on the hours that she’s free that she doesn’t want him to know about. Planning her departure? House hunting to rent?

Edited

It could equally smack of a woman taking the piss, having an affair, whatever, and a man who’s too scared of her response to ask her about it…

Smallitch · 03/08/2026 13:57

This smacks of a woman scared of a partner and doing something on the hours that she’s free that she doesn’t want him to know about. Planning her departure? House hunting to rent?

Smallitch · 03/08/2026 13:56

I am biding my time not in a controlling way I just want to see if anything emerges. I do not want to challenge her.

I have no trust issues with her at all.

One of the most contradictory posts I have read on mumsnet

Curiouswonderandjudgy · 02/08/2026 20:49

Can you just ask her and update us please? I'm invested to know what's going on here

MyObservations · 02/08/2026 19:40

FrangipaniBlue · 31/07/2026 13:58

My money is on she did actually tell you she was planning it and you weren’t listening/didn’t engage so she just cracked on………

Blame-shifting 🙄

Pherian · 02/08/2026 18:33

Not Something I would have kept from my husband. What is she doing with that extra time ?

I work a compressed week and it was fir childcare reasons - now it’s because I’m burnt out and fed up.

I don’t think it needs an accusation, just ask her how’s she’s doing generally and say you noticed it. Reassure her you aren’t upset or anything.

Dutch1e · 02/08/2026 16:28

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 02/08/2026 13:29

Depends on the job. I don't even have a pocket in my work uniform.

Show quote history

True, fair point

pinkyredrose · 02/08/2026 15:55

When she has issues usually centred on my adult children

What are her issues?

IkeaJesusChrist · 02/08/2026 15:54

You clearly don't have great communication, why aren't you speaking to her about it?
.
It's not got to be brought up in an accusatory way, just say you found this out and your were surprised that she didn't tell you.

BeautifulViolets · 02/08/2026 15:38

I don’t understand why you don’t just ask her?! Good grief stop pussyfooting around.

JayJayj · 02/08/2026 15:22

You both clearly do NOT communicate well. I can’t understand why we wouldn’t have told you. I don’t understand why you don’t speak to her about it. Unless you want to do some digging to see if she is cheating

FIoorboard · 02/08/2026 15:10

ByScott · 31/07/2026 13:18

No trust issues re: affair, that has not crossed my mind.

I would have said absolutely nothing had she told me.

I mostly leave well before she does in the mornings and occasionally she is home when I wouldn’t expect it necessarily but timetables and schedules change etc. in our jobs such things wouldn’t be worth of comment but two days off a week and changing your contract I would have thought worthy of comment.

Go in late one day and catch her out

FIoorboard · 02/08/2026 15:09

ByScott · 31/07/2026 12:58

Last week I had a few issues and couldn’t contact my wife so had to call her work.

It emerged that not only had she reduced her hours to .75 but she had compacted them so only works 3 days a week.

She never told me this. Should she have?

Should I mention this to her?

It doesn’t particularly impact on me and had she discussed it with me I wouldn’t have had anything to say about it.

Does she make out she goes to work every day?
If this was a man, I'd be saying 'Chechez La Femme'

Grendel7 · 02/08/2026 14:18

ByScott · 31/07/2026 12:58

Last week I had a few issues and couldn’t contact my wife so had to call her work.

It emerged that not only had she reduced her hours to .75 but she had compacted them so only works 3 days a week.

She never told me this. Should she have?

Should I mention this to her?

It doesn’t particularly impact on me and had she discussed it with me I wouldn’t have had anything to say about it.

If you don't mind whats the problem?

SpiritedFlame · 02/08/2026 13:40

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 02/08/2026 13:29

Depends on the job. I don't even have a pocket in my work uniform.

Show quote history

Agree.

So many jobs where phone is in locker/bag. Not meant to have it on us at work.

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 02/08/2026 13:29

Dutch1e · 02/08/2026 13:17

Does she not have a mobile phone? Calling work feels so outdated.

Depends on the job. I don't even have a pocket in my work uniform.

Original poster
ByScott · 02/08/2026 13:28

Of course she has a mobile and I left a couple of messages ; she doesn’t always have it on at work. I would not have called her but I had an emergency in a different location and I needed to let her know.

OP posts:
Dutch1e · 02/08/2026 13:17

Does she not have a mobile phone? Calling work feels so outdated.

NotMajorTom · 02/08/2026 12:24

ByScott · 02/08/2026 11:54

I believe that we have a happy marriage where we communicate well. When she has issues usually centred on my adult children she is always completely open with me. She is also comfortable in saying when she is upset but can’t explain why.

We have both joint and personal finances. If she never works she would still be able to contribute financially.

When I said that I would not have commented I mean I would have said that it was up to her; I would have been supported. I would not have been a dick as someone suggested I would have been.

She won’t return to work now until the end of the month.

I am biding my time not in a controlling way I just want to see if anything emerges. I do not want to challenge her.

I have no trust issues with her at all.

Edited

So she’s open raising issues with you but you feel scared to raise any you have with her. How does she react if you do so? Are you reluctant to make her angry or upset if you talk to her?

reducing working hours in secret is an incredibly odd thing to do and is really suspicious. I think you’d be right to ask why but it does feel
like you’re frightened of her response.

and of course there will be many responses deciding you’re controlling, or didn’t listen, or somehow in the wrong. Ignore them

MrBenFreakedMeOut · 02/08/2026 11:59

Why have you conflated asking her something, with "challenging" her?

That sounds a very unhealthy take on a conversation that needs to be had.

Original poster
ByScott · 02/08/2026 11:54

I believe that we have a happy marriage where we communicate well. When she has issues usually centred on my adult children she is always completely open with me. She is also comfortable in saying when she is upset but can’t explain why.

We have both joint and personal finances. If she never works she would still be able to contribute financially.

When I said that I would not have commented I mean I would have said that it was up to her; I would have been supported. I would not have been a dick as someone suggested I would have been.

She won’t return to work now until the end of the month.

I am biding my time not in a controlling way I just want to see if anything emerges. I do not want to challenge her.

I have no trust issues with her at all.

OP posts:
Xanhi · 02/08/2026 10:15

It is really weird that she didn't speak to you about it but then it is also really weird that you would have 'said nothing' if she had told you. My DH would want to know why I wanted the change and would be curious about reasons in case it was stress, issues about work load, unhappiness at work. He would also be interested in what my plans were.

Missj25 · 02/08/2026 08:25

ByScott · 31/07/2026 12:58

Last week I had a few issues and couldn’t contact my wife so had to call her work.

It emerged that not only had she reduced her hours to .75 but she had compacted them so only works 3 days a week.

She never told me this. Should she have?

Should I mention this to her?

It doesn’t particularly impact on me and had she discussed it with me I wouldn’t have had anything to say about it.

OP how do you mean “ should I mention this to her “ .
If any of my work colleagues were cutting down from full time to part time , they would mention this to me , not to mind my husband !, ( well if I still had one ) 😂.