Page 2 | To think this email from my exes solicitor is just absolutely laughable

Original poster

Esmeraldathe3rd · 31/07/2026 22:03

hotmumshit · 31/07/2026 21:49

What do you want from this man? He raped you and is therefore unsafe - maybe go ahead with the prosecutions and do all you can to keep him out of your child's life.

Theres zero need for conversation with him.

Nothing. I want zero contact with him. Ever. But unfortunately he is my DSs father so despite being a horrible horrible human being he has a legal right to my child. And there is nothing I can do about it. Family court does not protect children. It protects abusive men. That is the sad truth. Because he can no longer threaten me directly I now get threats from his solicitor.

I assure you I have done all I can. I have fought very well. I have shown him to have threatened both of us. I have shown him to be lying directly to court and to CAFCAS. Three women have accused him of being an abuser. The mother of his other child has accused him of neglecting both of our children. The courts and CAFCAS do not care. He is his father. He wants access. That is his right. End of conversation.

OP posts:

Prawnlover · 31/07/2026 21:59

All very strange
I’ll leave you to it

Prawnlover · 31/07/2026 21:58

Esmeraldathe3rd · 31/07/2026 21:55

Why? For what benefit? To gain access to a bank account I can't use anyway? His address was our old address. So he got my card delivered to my registered address. That I no longer lived at because I fled, in secret, so he couldn't kill me before I'd got out. It was a rather difficult time so I hadn't updated my address yet. Not that complicated.

If I want to get my name off the account I need his permission. And from my text notifications it spends most of its time in the overdraft, which I am jointly responsible for. It would be alot of trouble, for absolutely no benefit to me.

It's hard to understand the mess that people end up in after being with an abuser for 10 years. I get that.

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You really don’t see any issue with this man fraudulently using a card in your name? You have no idea what he’s doing with it under your name

Original poster

Esmeraldathe3rd · 31/07/2026 21:55

Prawnlover · 31/07/2026 21:45

Rang the bank and told them my card had been stolen so a new one got posted to his address and somehow got me looked out of my online banking. I now have no ID in my married name. I don't know the account number or anything. It's in my name but he has my card.

This is all very strange

if he rang the bank and cancelled your card, why don’t you ring the bank and cancel this one?

and how on earth did he get a bank card for you get to be delivered to his address?

and somehow locked out of your online
banking?

come on op.
Just walk in to the bank with your divorce cert and ID.

very odd

Edited

Why? For what benefit? To gain access to a bank account I can't use anyway? His address was our old address. So he got my card delivered to my registered address. That I no longer lived at because I fled, in secret, so he couldn't kill me before I'd got out. It was a rather difficult time so I hadn't updated my address yet. Not that complicated.

If I want to get my name off the account I need his permission. And from my text notifications it spends most of its time in the overdraft, which I am jointly responsible for. It would be alot of trouble, for absolutely no benefit to me.

It's hard to understand the mess that people end up in after being with an abuser for 10 years. I get that.

OP posts:

hotmumshit · 31/07/2026 21:49

What do you want from this man? He raped you and is therefore unsafe - maybe go ahead with the prosecutions and do all you can to keep him out of your child's life.

Theres zero need for conversation with him.

Prawnlover · 31/07/2026 21:47

Very simple

go to the bank!! This will be sorted so easily op. The account is in YOUR name

Original poster

Esmeraldathe3rd · 31/07/2026 21:47

QuaintBeaker · 31/07/2026 21:06

The court has decided what his fair share is though. Maybe OP got the other house and the business?
We have no idea.

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He kept the two businesses and all our assets. I kept a very small, cheap house to live in and my car (the one he is now threatening me over) that is all. He kept most of my possessions, including valuable artwork, everything. It was one of those quickie clean break things. So not much support, but at the end of the day I wasn't being made homeless so I think that would have been the line in the sand.

I kept my life, by the skin of my teeth. And kept a roof over DSs head.

OP posts:

Prawnlover · 31/07/2026 21:45

Rang the bank and told them my card had been stolen so a new one got posted to his address and somehow got me looked out of my online banking. I now have no ID in my married name. I don't know the account number or anything. It's in my name but he has my card.

This is all very strange

if he rang the bank and cancelled your card, why don’t you ring the bank and cancel this one?

and how on earth did he get a bank card for you get to be delivered to his address?

and somehow locked out of your online
banking?

come on op.
Just walk in to the bank with your divorce cert and ID.

very odd

Original poster

Esmeraldathe3rd · 31/07/2026 21:41

Agapornis · 31/07/2026 20:47

Your name is still on the bank account, but you don't have access to it? You need to contact your bank's domestic abuse service - or make a GDPR complaint as they hold information on you that is incorrect.

I had access to it. Then at some point he went apeshit. Threatened me. Told DS the police were going to come for me and take me away. Rang the bank and told them my card had been stolen so a new one got posted to his address and somehow got me looked out of my online banking. I now have no ID in my married name. I don't know the account number or anything. It's in my name but he has my card. I wouldn't even know where to start with the bank. He also has a business bank account in my name. It's all wrong. But it's not really impacting my day to day life so I'm just leaving him to it. It's not worth the abuse.

He was Highly abusive. I very much complied for years because he was going to kill me and DS. he is a massive risk to DS. So these things really aren't my major concern. If I started making issues with the financials I could bankrupt him. But then 1. That would affect DS and most importantly, he has threatened to kill us all, he has threatened to kill me if I tried to take anything away from him. He has threatened to kill DS if I tried to take DS away from him. If I took everything from him he is a risk to himself and DS.

I would not have taken him to court. Social services told me I had to stop contact. The judge says that even though he threatened to kill DS because he hasn't already it was clearly an empty threat and isn't relevent anymore.

The whole thing is an absolute shit show and none of these people give a damn about my little boy.

The situation as a whole is absolutely not laughable, but the audacity of a solicitor sending me an email threatening me to get an absurd amount of contact "or else" is fucking laughable.

OP posts:

Prawnlover · 31/07/2026 21:40

Aiming4Optimistic · 31/07/2026 21:39

Can a court order be looked at again though? Because he's not supposed to be living in the house without having paid in full, while OP is stuck with this in her name. And not being able to do anything re her joint account, while still having her name on it, also seems odd

Yes it can be
But the op has not ever complained about it and infact agreed to it, so what has been the status quo for years and nearing the end… unlikely to be overturned

Aiming4Optimistic · 31/07/2026 21:39

Can a court order be looked at again though? Because he's not supposed to be living in the house without having paid in full, while OP is stuck with this in her name. And not being able to do anything re her joint account, while still having her name on it, also seems odd

Prawnlover · 31/07/2026 21:39

QuaintBeaker · 31/07/2026 21:06

The court has decided what his fair share is though. Maybe OP got the other house and the business?
We have no idea.

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Exactly
if the court don’t think a consent order is fair, it’s not passed through.

EvieBB · 31/07/2026 21:17

mindutopia · 31/07/2026 12:32

Just ignore it. You have a plan in place already. Solicitors will write any letters they’re asked. That’s how they make money. We have a dad at my dc’s school who has his solicitor write a letter to the parents of every child who upsets his precious child calling it harassment and threatening all sorts of legal ramifications if our dc won’t be friends with his. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Okay then. It’s just billable time. Ignore.

Wtaf?!!

QuaintBeaker · 31/07/2026 21:06

Aiming4Optimistic · 31/07/2026 21:01

You do need to get further advice on this financial situation though because it's all linked and is part of the bigger picture of him using the law to bully you. I don't get how him paying a tiny mortgage is him buying you out of the house - if it's worth a lot then he's not paying you your fair share. If both properties were solely owned by you, I don't get why he had an entitlement to either of them, married or not. You should get him out, sell the house and then pay him whatever his fair share is, not his share plus your share!

The court has decided what his fair share is though. Maybe OP got the other house and the business?
We have no idea.

Prawnlover · 31/07/2026 21:06

QuaintBeaker · 31/07/2026 21:05

I imagine that what they are implying is that you have made a false allegation, hence not pressing charges.
This has potential for a charge of perverting the course of justice or wasting police time.

I don't think anything would come of it if they tried. But that's probably what the threat is about

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Or a slander or libel claim

QuaintBeaker · 31/07/2026 21:05

Esmeraldathe3rd · 31/07/2026 20:28

Yes it's complicated. He's ordered to pay the mortgage off before he gets the house transferred to him. This wasn't intended as a monthly payment, he was supposed to pay it off, over and done with. Not over a 10 year period. The mortgage payment is tiny, about a quarter of market rental value. . Until the mortgage is paid I am stuck with a mortgage and a house that affects my own finances. There is no agreement that he can live in the house in the meantime. He isn't supposed to get the house until it is paid off and in his name. He has no rights at the moment to be living in the house at all. The only reason he is able to pay for the mortgage is because the direct debit is still running from an account with my name on that he is able to pay money into. I have made zero issue of this. I have left him to it. The fact that he has then threatened ME with legal action over the fact that I haven't transferred the property to him yet, as a direct result of the fact that he hasn't paid the mortgage off is an absolute joke. I am not stopping him owning the house. But it is my house, that he has no rights to, until the mortgage is paid.

It's literally like you exchanging on a house, moving in before completion and then paying a few hundred quid a month and complaining that the sale hasn't gone through yet. It's absolutely bonkers.

I haven't complained about the house situation, but he has zero right to.

Like I haven't pressed charges on him raping me, because it's my word against his and I'm not going through that, but for him to hold that against me?! Like he's the one that can press charges because he raped me. Honestly, what the fuck?!

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I imagine that what they are implying is that you have made a false allegation, hence not pressing charges.
This has potential for a charge of perverting the course of justice or wasting police time.

I don't think anything would come of it if they tried. But that's probably what the threat is about

Prawnlover · 31/07/2026 21:04

Aiming4Optimistic · 31/07/2026 21:01

You do need to get further advice on this financial situation though because it's all linked and is part of the bigger picture of him using the law to bully you. I don't get how him paying a tiny mortgage is him buying you out of the house - if it's worth a lot then he's not paying you your fair share. If both properties were solely owned by you, I don't get why he had an entitlement to either of them, married or not. You should get him out, sell the house and then pay him whatever his fair share is, not his share plus your share!

But that’s not what the consent order stipulates

Aiming4Optimistic · 31/07/2026 21:01

You do need to get further advice on this financial situation though because it's all linked and is part of the bigger picture of him using the law to bully you. I don't get how him paying a tiny mortgage is him buying you out of the house - if it's worth a lot then he's not paying you your fair share. If both properties were solely owned by you, I don't get why he had an entitlement to either of them, married or not. You should get him out, sell the house and then pay him whatever his fair share is, not his share plus your share!

Prawnlover · 31/07/2026 21:01

But you said
“your house” … it isn’t really considering you were married, joint asset and the consent order stipulated that it will be wholly transferred to him once mortgage closed.

and he is not living in it free of charge. He is paying the mortgage

likelysuspect · 31/07/2026 21:00

Esmeraldathe3rd · 31/07/2026 12:09

DSs dad is on an increasing schedule of contact during our court process, started with supported and he's now on one-one. (Contact originally stopped because social services though he was a danger, before what he had alternate weekends plus some extras in hols)

Last weekend was his first full day. He was 3hrs late because he forgot about it. Now I get an email off his solicitor requesting we agree outside of court 5050 shared care or they'll take me to court over 1.unrelated and 2. Completely in my favour, financial issues. Essentially threatening me that if I don't agree it'll cost me. Also threatening to take MY allegations of rape against him, further, like how? You raped me, I agreed not to press charges, what are you going to do?

I just cannot imagine being so arrogant that I would be 3 hours late to see my son and then demand shared care?! CAFCAS is not reccomeding shared care. The judge scoffed at the last hearing when he said he was insisting on shared care. In what world would I agree to that?

And honestly why would his solicitor support that, they seem like the most incompetent people I've ever met, it baffles me.

Solicitors just take instructions. They do their job

I mean lots of people are deluded, your ex sounds like one of them

Sit back and just let it all play out.

Original poster

Esmeraldathe3rd · 31/07/2026 20:54

Prawnlover · 31/07/2026 20:33

Very odd consent order

I took on the mortgage when my husband and I divorced and the property transferred
to me then.

why on earth wasn’t the property transferred
to him as time of divorce rather than this silly thing that he ONLY gets it when mortgage paid off. Makes zero sense and
not in your interests or his interests.
illogical

I couldn't just transfer a mortgage from my sole name to his. And he was unable to get his own mortgage. He didn't want the house sold and split and was adamant he would be able to buy me out of it. That was nearly 5 years ago.

He is essentially buying me out of the house, just he's buying it at the value of the mortgage. Imagine you joint own a house one of you agrees to buy the other out. And then just doesn't. Just continues living in the house as though nothing happened, leaving the other stuck in limbo. Except he doesn't own any part of the house until he buys it. I own the house. The agreement is that he WILL own it, once he buys it. But he hasn't bought it, so he doesn't own it. But I'm not being a dick about it I just can't transfer a property that has a mortgage on it. There is literally nothing I can do about it.

But I'm not arguing about the financial order. And I don't know why you're fixating on my financial order from years ago. I didn't include this information in my OP as it's not what I was talking about.

OP posts:

Agapornis · 31/07/2026 20:47

Your name is still on the bank account, but you don't have access to it? You need to contact your bank's domestic abuse service - or make a GDPR complaint as they hold information on you that is incorrect.

Prawnlover · 31/07/2026 20:33

Very odd consent order

I took on the mortgage when my husband and I divorced and the property transferred
to me then.

why on earth wasn’t the property transferred
to him as time of divorce rather than this silly thing that he ONLY gets it when mortgage paid off. Makes zero sense and
not in your interests or his interests.
illogical

Prawnlover · 31/07/2026 20:31

Esmeraldathe3rd · 31/07/2026 20:28

Yes it's complicated. He's ordered to pay the mortgage off before he gets the house transferred to him. This wasn't intended as a monthly payment, he was supposed to pay it off, over and done with. Not over a 10 year period. The mortgage payment is tiny, about a quarter of market rental value. . Until the mortgage is paid I am stuck with a mortgage and a house that affects my own finances. There is no agreement that he can live in the house in the meantime. He isn't supposed to get the house until it is paid off and in his name. He has no rights at the moment to be living in the house at all. The only reason he is able to pay for the mortgage is because the direct debit is still running from an account with my name on that he is able to pay money into. I have made zero issue of this. I have left him to it. The fact that he has then threatened ME with legal action over the fact that I haven't transferred the property to him yet, as a direct result of the fact that he hasn't paid the mortgage off is an absolute joke. I am not stopping him owning the house. But it is my house, that he has no rights to, until the mortgage is paid.

It's literally like you exchanging on a house, moving in before completion and then paying a few hundred quid a month and complaining that the sale hasn't gone through yet. It's absolutely bonkers.

I haven't complained about the house situation, but he has zero right to.

Like I haven't pressed charges on him raping me, because it's my word against his and I'm not going through that, but for him to hold that against me?! Like he's the one that can press charges because he raped me. Honestly, what the fuck?!

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But fact is - you said he’s living In your house free of charge.

He categorically isn’t. He is paying he full mortgage on a property that will be wholly transferred to him once mortgage paid off

Original poster

Esmeraldathe3rd · 31/07/2026 20:28

Prawnlover · 31/07/2026 20:10

He lives in my house free of charge and I've made no issue of it.

But in actual fact… the consent order stipulated that this property will transfer wholly to him once the mortgage is paid off. And he is paying the mortgage off.

So… it is not your house and he’s not living in it free of charge!

Edited

Yes it's complicated. He's ordered to pay the mortgage off before he gets the house transferred to him. This wasn't intended as a monthly payment, he was supposed to pay it off, over and done with. Not over a 10 year period. The mortgage payment is tiny, about a quarter of market rental value. . Until the mortgage is paid I am stuck with a mortgage and a house that affects my own finances. There is no agreement that he can live in the house in the meantime. He isn't supposed to get the house until it is paid off and in his name. He has no rights at the moment to be living in the house at all. The only reason he is able to pay for the mortgage is because the direct debit is still running from an account with my name on that he is able to pay money into. I have made zero issue of this. I have left him to it. The fact that he has then threatened ME with legal action over the fact that I haven't transferred the property to him yet, as a direct result of the fact that he hasn't paid the mortgage off is an absolute joke. I am not stopping him owning the house. But it is my house, that he has no rights to, until the mortgage is paid.

It's literally like you exchanging on a house, moving in before completion and then paying a few hundred quid a month and complaining that the sale hasn't gone through yet. It's absolutely bonkers.

I haven't complained about the house situation, but he has zero right to.

Like I haven't pressed charges on him raping me, because it's my word against his and I'm not going through that, but for him to hold that against me?! Like he's the one that can press charges because he raped me. Honestly, what the fuck?!

OP posts: