Active discussions

Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that "difficult" people are life's winners?

109 replies

MargoLivebetter · 31/07/2026 10:34

I realise that "difficult" is a bit vague, so what I mean here is people who are demanding, domineering, strongly opinionated, lack self-awareness, self-serving, uncompromising, combabitive, say it as it is etc ......

To think that all those qualities stand you in better stead than being considerate, kind, self-aware, able to compromise, polite, reflective, tolerant etc.

I just can't see how unless I move to a Buddhist community the later serves me well!

OP posts:
BakedPotatoBeansCheeseColeslaw · 31/07/2026 22:28

I don’t want to think this is true but I have been watching it play out in DHs family. He has always been the peace keeper, the reasonable one, the let it go one and his brother has always got dramatically upset. Now there is an issue where (obviously I think so) DH is 100% in the right but his parents are expecting him to roll over like he always has…except this time he isn’t because it affects me and our DC too and it’s causing problems.

HollyhocksandPeons · 31/07/2026 22:32

Depends. In my profession a colleague alienated all the clients just by doing and being what you described in your question. Definitely not a winner. I think that you can definitely lose clients this way - at a certain level all professionals are the same, competence-wise, so the only thing that is remaining is really people skills, no?

Kirys · 01/08/2026 11:51

HollyhocksandPeons · 31/07/2026 22:32

Depends. In my profession a colleague alienated all the clients just by doing and being what you described in your question. Definitely not a winner. I think that you can definitely lose clients this way - at a certain level all professionals are the same, competence-wise, so the only thing that is remaining is really people skills, no?

Depends on the role surely? If it’s a cut and trust deal making / sales job these characters will venture into fast into maybe unethical territory to close ahead of anyone else. They might then well be feted and rewarded by their company. Agree if it’s client relationship it’s different - however many narcs are charismatic manipulative groomers so can switch it on when it’s self serving.

Bikergran · 02/08/2026 08:24

Depends on the context. Also, what is seen as normal assertive behaviour in a man is often perceived (usually by men) as "difficult" from a woman. Persistence and assertiveness, especially in situations like healthcare, can be lifesavers. That said, we all know people (dickheads) we try to avoid.......

mangoestoday · 03/08/2026 08:29

SandwichSuperstar · 31/07/2026 11:04

No, they don't stand you in better stead.

Being considerate, kind, self-aware, able to compromise, polite, reflective, tolerant is always better.

But you can be all of those things and still have very firm boundaries.

This is what (looking around on MN) a lot of people are missing.

And of course to remember that normal adult conversation is NOT 'confrontation'.

this is a very thoughtful and intelligent post. i have many of the qualities you've listed but think i may be one of those people missing those boundaries. are you? you dont sound like it - so i wondered if you had any advice for me on how to retain those boundaries?

Original poster
MargoLivebetter · 03/08/2026 08:58

@mangoestoday you have to be very clear what you believe in first off and what is behaviour that you will or will not tolerate from others. Then you have to ask yourself, what are the consequences when someone oversteps a boundary that you have let them know about? So, if you say to a DP/DH "I really don't like it when you raise your voice and speak over me or shout at me. If you keep doing that, then I'm going to leave the discussion until you can speak to me calmly." Then your DP/DH shouts at you in an argument again - what are you going to do? You have to enforce the boundary.

Generally speaking assertive people will have set those boundaries early in relationships - with friends, family, co-workers and partners. They will have a clear sense of what is acceptable to them and what isn't and they will know what there consequences are for people who behave in ways that they don't appreciate. It is harder to start boundary setting when you have been allowing people to take the piss for years, but it can be done.

OP posts:
Speakeasier · 03/08/2026 09:09

MargoLivebetter · 31/07/2026 10:34

I realise that "difficult" is a bit vague, so what I mean here is people who are demanding, domineering, strongly opinionated, lack self-awareness, self-serving, uncompromising, combabitive, say it as it is etc ......

To think that all those qualities stand you in better stead than being considerate, kind, self-aware, able to compromise, polite, reflective, tolerant etc.

I just can't see how unless I move to a Buddhist community the later serves me well!

Yes. I know people like that who are also quite charming and entertaining when they want to be and people flock to them. They rarely back down about anything. They seem to have lots of friends and a cracking social life.

I think there’s a difference between being unpleasant which doesn’t pay off in the long run, and self absorbed, single-minded, opinionated but also fun which I think pays off massively.

Minasama · 07/08/2026 22:30

I don’t think so, because these types of people often have difficulty with family relationships, friendships and staying married! They also do less well at work in many cases, because leadership roles require you to get along well with people across your company/industry in order to exercise influence.

ThatJadeLion · 07/08/2026 22:32

Yes absolutely. Not always.. but far too often.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page