To think that "difficult" people are life's winners?

In the short term it gets you what you want but can come at a cost of long term poor relationships, if you care about that.

I think part of the reason my mum has lived to a ripe old age is because she has always dumped her problems on everyone else eg. Was using me as a therapist when I was 6 years old. Bullied me and my dad, which presumably she enjoyed or she wouldn't have done it. Slept with other men when she felt like it. Kicked up a stink if everything isn't perfect.

No one else's mental health matters other than her own. We've always been expected to be strong. I think she's done very well out of it. She's basically an oversized Veruca Salt.

The squeaky wheel gets the oil isn’t that what they say

Depends on the situations.

Things can collapse for them - at often middle or older ages when they meet someone esle difficult or immovable or everyone had enough - but also things can work for them because no-one wants to go against them and some sail through life with that always being the case.

To think that all those qualities stand you in better stead than being considerate, kind, self-aware, able to compromise, polite, reflective, tolerant

Many people who do well in life do have those qulaities but also often more and that doesn't preclude having line/boundaries and backbones.

Having said that next time we move house - I've said we'll be the difficult ones as frankly being flexibale and considerate just got us messed around twice and with no dependent kids next time we'll be under less pressure round schools and timings. We'll not be delibeartely diffcult but do what best for us even if that inconveniences others as everyone else seems to.

I think successful people can be all of those traits you’ve listed, the truly successful ones know in what circumstances to use which traits. For example, I’m pretty easy going a lot of the time but when it really matters I can and will use any and all of the “difficult” traits you’ve listed.

I don’t think it’s necessarily “difficult” people, just those who go after what they want in life. It shouldn’t be a surprise that passive people are likely to achieve less?

That’s not to say that being a go-getter is the only path to happiness.

One person's moods affecting the whole family is most definitely not just a male trait, as a glance at the Stately Homes threads would attest.

There's definite value in being assertive when needed but that has to be balanced against the times when compromise is the best choice.

In my experience the people who are really combative and self-serving tend to be the kind of people who are never satisfied or happy. They externalise their unhappiness by spreading it around to others in an effort to find blame. Never finding peace and contentment doesn't sound like winning to me but I accept that other people have different yardsticks.

Generally, yes, but its a huge risk.

How you treat people on the way up will be beamed back in how they treat you on the way down.
These sort of people rarely make friends on their way up to "the win" so if/when they come a cropper, they'll find support, friends and allies falling away.

They don't tend to assume this downfall will ever happen to them. And, to be fair, it is rare. But not unheard of.

I think those type of people are winners short term. They’re also the type to die alone and unloved because people eventually have enough of their shit

I do agree definitely in a family dynamic. The awkward moody ones get what they want. Not letting this happen is the hard part.
Even on here many times we see the man controls the mood of the family or even a difficult child.

Being passive when there is conflict definitely is a risky strategy. Kids should not be taught to never assert themselves. Sometimes the most passive kids are the most popular in a class, though, because they are so amenable.

I have known bossy domineering people who repeatedly alienate & annoy everyone else and cause constant disruption in their own lives and generally keep losing friends and never accrue good things in their lives.