AIBU to feel upset after my partner chose gaming over intimacy?

Looking at this from a practical point of view its not like when we were young and you can just pause a game or a match in the middle and come back to it later. If you are in a match with other online users you kind of have to see it through. I learned this the hard way demanding my kids get off the PlayStation then learned I was being unreasonable as I was ruining the game for them. If he could have come straight away he would have. If you, knowing this, STILL think he should have dropped the game, then you are being very unreasonable. He didn't say no, he literally said he was coming. Don't let this upset you.

Would you say any of that to a woman who wasn't in the mood for sex?!

Would you ever frame a man who wanted sex as "trying to do something nice for his wife" (even though that probably should be the case)?

It's incredibly messed up that you frame sex for a woman as either something she does for her husband, or to feel good about her own body. I've never, ever thought of sex in those ways. Sex is something you have because you want it for yourself, and the only body I'm concerned with is the the body of the man I'm with. I don't have sex as a favour to them, and I don't have sex to feel validated in myself. If you think like that, I recommend therapy.

Yes, sex is important in a marriage, but in any long-term relationship there will be moments where one of you just isn't in the mood at the same time as the other and there shouldn't be anything dramatic about that. Yes, if you're the one in the mood and he's not it can be a little annoying, but not so much that you'd even show it let alone huff and sulk.

Where did it say he was addicted? I game. I’m a 49 year old woman and I’m not addicted. It’s a legitimate hobby. If he was reading a book and he said wait until I’ve finished this chapter, would that have been ok because it’s the same thing. One hobby isn’t superior to another

YADBU to use the word ‘intimacy’.

So he has to put out because she has issues is how I am reading this, the double standard is alive and well

And yes I would be annoyed if my husband did this to me so no I would not do this to him

If I was in the middle of something I would’ve been a bit eh too, often you are playing with others too so can’t just stop

I’d be annoyed if my other half flounced in the living room expecting sex. There’s a time and a place

Because she was trying to do something nice for her husband.

Because men tend to like women making an effort and dressing up in lingerie.

Because I suspect she's feeling self conscious about her body since it changed having his child and maybe it's the least he could do? Did his body change forever after having the child?

Because sometimes prioritising the intimate side of your marriage when you habe small children is more important than a computer game?

How is it not the same? because she is a little women who needs to be treated like crystal because she is sensitive and women are delicate little creatures who need to pandered too?

Oh my goodness some of these posts.

This is not the same as a bloke coming up to her with a hard on and expecting sex immediately.

This is her making an effort to look sexy and him essentially rejecting her. I expect he'll never get that lucky again.

And I don't care if you can't pause an online match, what's more important, acknowledging your wife's effort, making her feel good about her post partum body, and making the most of the child free time, or finishing a match (which isn't actually even real, it's a game....?).

(edited for typo)

If a bloke huffed at me and walked out when I didn’t immediately drop something I was doing because he appeared in budgie smugglers I’d bin him off.

Suspect this is more about seeking reassurance and not finding it when you wanted. You say later you had sex before/earlier so presumably he still finds you attractive!

This.

I think a compliment would have been nice - it's a shame he didn't acknowledge the effort you made. It's bloody hard with a toddler!

But at the same time, I wouldn't necessarily want to drop everything I was doing all of a sudden nor be in the mood straight away, and I wouldn't expect my partner to either.

It sounds like this is a bit of a build up of an issue though, rather than a single one off. You sound like you are feeling a bit underappreciated and that's much more understandable if he's always gaming and not giving you and your child enough attention - but we don't know if that's the case from your single post?

I can’t imagine getting in the mood for a bloke addicted to gaming. Quel turn off.

You do realise Tiktok is not real life?

I would be upset too and think there is more context to this? Does he initiate often or make you feel desired? I think it made you feel like a fool and I understand why it hurt your feelings. If everything else in your sex life is pretty normal and he usually has a decent libido it's probably just a matter of communication. Just tell him that made you feel a bit bad and see if you can come to an agreement when it comes to sex.

Tea?

If you expect any human being to react like they do in a video manufactured for clicks, you've got more issues than your bloke turning you down for a boss fight.

They. Aren't. Real

You'll make yourself crazy trying to get real life and real people to follow some script you saw while doomscrolling. That's not how people behave. It's all surface and cliché, and it's job is to sell you a vision of a fantasy life.

You made yourself feel vulnerable because you’re self conscious about your body. You were hoping for reassurance and you were left feeling awkward. It’s not about sex. It’s about embarrassment. I think your reaction is understandable

I was thinking the same thing
he was busy and not interested

I wouldn’t be either if I was in the middle of reading or watching a film! He was trying to relax he was not in the mood end of!

he has a margaret thatcher fetish, i got a costume, wig and all, but ever since he found this bloody app, he wanted nothing to do with me :(

Those videos are staged! They aren't real life.

What does dressing like a slut involve @morselover69 ?
Is it worth demeaning yourself like that?

my bf does that to me! he is obsessed with the UNO app, i’ve dressed like a slut to him but nothing makes him give up the game :(

It's just inconceivable that she'd say it to begin with

I agree. Average bloke would defo turn down Megan Fox for saying 'tum'.