Page 7 | AIBU to end things after unannounced visits and other red flags?

hahabahbag · 31/07/2026 07:21

I had a key to my now dh’s house from the second time I stayed (so I could let myself in the next time as I’d arrive when he was at work)

Needapadlockonmyfridge · 31/07/2026 07:21

Toxic ex wife, estranged daughter ... big red flags.
I suspect your sixth sense is telling you something is wrong.
LTB, as they say.

MarthaLovesLaughing · 31/07/2026 07:19

ThatPeachFawn · 30/07/2026 22:21

I know. I don’t let him but he’ll say things like ‘lets both get the (insert meal)’ At first I thought it was because he was just super confident but now I think he might actually just be a prick.

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Hes a prick. Get rid. Lock your side gate

hahabahbag · 31/07/2026 07:19

I can’t see what is wrong with surprising you, people are weird these days over what upsets them. Having no contact with a daughter is making re concerning

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 31/07/2026 07:18

EvieBB · 31/07/2026 07:11

Maybe, yeah, if I was sleeping with them.....

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Bit early in the relationship for no holds barred intimacy. She might still prefer to be dressed and groomed before meeting him. As opposed to wearing gardening shorts, crocs and a bra, for example.

EvieBB · 31/07/2026 07:18

bettyrubble99 · 30/07/2026 21:02

The ex wifes are always toxic when they can no longer control them...

Unless she is actually toxic and has turned the daughter against him.....it does happen

Laura95167 · 31/07/2026 07:17

He doesnt have to be a red flag for you to have decided you dont like him. I wouldnt over think it, if he irritates you end it

MyDeftDuck · 31/07/2026 07:16

Hmmm…….perhaps he’s lining you up for his keeper/carer for when he retires 🤔🤔

EvieBB · 31/07/2026 07:14

echt · 30/07/2026 23:29

His behaviour is very odd, and I'd bin him off for being presumptuous in turning up, and controlling at the meal.

The unasked for ageist comments on this thread are utterly nauseating.
For those who like the the half + 7 malarkey, the OP is not being snatched from her cradle.

Yes, a lot of disgraceful ageism on this thread!

UpDownAllAround1 · 31/07/2026 07:12

Toxic ex wife cos she had a garden gate lock I bet

MarilynMerlot · 31/07/2026 07:11

it’s a Yuk and Chuck from me.

sounds like he might hard to get rid of though, you will have to be very firm. Like PP I’m also not sure why you’re prevaricating, why isn’t this enough for you to dump without having to ask the internet?

EvieBB · 31/07/2026 07:11

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 30/07/2026 21:27

Without notice, without an invitation, you’d walk into someone else’s garden?

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Maybe, yeah, if I was sleeping with them.....

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 31/07/2026 07:08

Lmnop22 · 30/07/2026 21:18

Why does he know where you live after only 6 weeks?

Let’s be frank, he’s way too old for you, has no boundaries and is trying to get his feet under the table after 6 weeks 🚩🚩

Totally agree. His entry into your home is to assert dominance

Daygloboo · 31/07/2026 07:08

ThatPeachFawn · 30/07/2026 20:59

I’ve been dating a man for around six weeks. For info he is 62 and I’m 42. it’s been nice but there’s a couple of red flags now. Twice now he has showed up to my house unannounced. Both times I’ve been relaxing in my garden so he’s let himself in the garden gate , walked up to the back of the garden to the seating area and surprised me! The first time I was polite and offered him a cup of tea but the second time I was sitting in the sun reading my book and he just appeared then proceeded to sit down!! I actually felt quite annoyed. Does anyone else think this is a bit of a red flag? The other red flag I have is that he has as he calls it ‘a toxic ex wife’ and an adult daughter who doesn’t speak to him. AIBU to break it off?

No. Intrusive.

WhatNextImScared · 31/07/2026 07:00

ThatPeachFawn · 30/07/2026 22:05

Yeah at first I thought maybe it was because of his age - turning up unannounced was something his generation just did but as most are saying, I think I’m leaving to the fact that he’s actually entitled and has absolutely no boundaries! Another thing he does is when we go for dinner he always tries to order a meal for me rather than me just order for myself!!! Often I have to say ‘you get what you want and I’ll get what I want’ . The more I read what I’m writing the more I am wondering what on earth am I doing even entertaining this!

Ughhh the ordering is prime misogyny. Get rid.

AgentKim · 31/07/2026 06:58

Well I'm my 70s and I wouldn't go to someones house and let myself into the garden unannounced. I dont think anyone of any age would.
Its your friends way of being the boss I think, especially when you mention him ordering, or trying to order, for the both of you.
I dont believe its an older person thing, its just rudeness and a bit controlling.
He is much too old for you also, so I would just get rid and find someone younger.
Mind you you could find a younger man could act the same so get locks on your back gate ASAP if its that easy to get into your garden.

WiltonGal · 31/07/2026 06:54

He will be hard to dump. Get that lock on the gate quickly.

HoppityBun · 31/07/2026 06:50

ThatPeachFawn · 30/07/2026 21:32

Thanks everyone. Yes the age gap is also a concern. We met in a dog walk and at the time I had no idea of his age - we’ve been on a few dates since and I’ve just been letting things play out (but the age gap has always been at the back of my mind). What’s annoyed me most is that my garden is my sanctuary and it felt like a huge invasion of my privacy. I’m normally quite strong so have no idea why I never said anything - I think I was so taken aback by him just swanning through the garden and sitting himself down next to me!! I made up a story that my friend was coming over just to get rid of him - pathetic I know! He’s been to mine for dinner which is why he knows where I live.

What more do you need? I don’t understand why you’re even asking because you know you don’t want him or his behaviour. What more is there to say?

Iheartmysmart · 31/07/2026 06:48

I don’t even go round to see my mum without checking it’s convenient so someone I’d only known for six weeks letting themselves into my garden would be a huge no. Adding in his supposedly toxic ex-wife, an estranged daughter and the fact he tries to control what you eat when you go out, I’d be running away very fast.

CinnamonBuns67 · 31/07/2026 06:47

After 6 weeks that's too intense. After a year as a suprise maybe (although letting himself in through the gate rather than calling through the gate to see if it was alright I'd not be happy with) but I really hate unannounced visitors.

DozyCrow · 31/07/2026 06:47

You can end a relationship for any reason, or for no reason at all. You don't owe anyone a relationship. I'd end it for several reasons....

he's too old for you
he sounds controlling with regards to deciding what you order at a restaurant
the turning up unannounced and letting himself in
describing his ex as 'toxic'
having an adult child who doesn't speak to him - why?

My priority would be getting a lock on that garden gate. If he can get in, so can any random stranger on the street. As a single woman, protect yourself. If you don't already have one, install either a Ring type doorbell or a window cam. They'll alert you when anyone approaches your front door.

QuintadosMalvados · 31/07/2026 06:43

tsmainsqueeze · 30/07/2026 21:32

I wouldn't like him calling round unannounced but the adult daughter no contact would be the bigger red flag for me.

Yes. The turning up announced while irritating is not a red flag.
The age gap is not that significant at their age.

The not talking to his daughter, though, is a giant red flag.

SunnyRedSnail · 31/07/2026 06:43

ThatPeachFawn · 30/07/2026 20:59

I’ve been dating a man for around six weeks. For info he is 62 and I’m 42. it’s been nice but there’s a couple of red flags now. Twice now he has showed up to my house unannounced. Both times I’ve been relaxing in my garden so he’s let himself in the garden gate , walked up to the back of the garden to the seating area and surprised me! The first time I was polite and offered him a cup of tea but the second time I was sitting in the sun reading my book and he just appeared then proceeded to sit down!! I actually felt quite annoyed. Does anyone else think this is a bit of a red flag? The other red flag I have is that he has as he calls it ‘a toxic ex wife’ and an adult daughter who doesn’t speak to him. AIBU to break it off?

Referring to his ex as toxic and an adult daughter that doesn't speak to him...? That is a red flag.

Plus just showing up like that would be a big NO for me!

I'd be ending this as it is already rather creepy.

SoBoredOfSelfDoubtHowToGetOut · 31/07/2026 06:42

Ineffable23 · 31/07/2026 06:28

The "popping in" I could somewhat get around as personally I'm not a fan of the fact that we have to call or text constantly instead of just seeing if someone is about.

The popping in combined with the age gap combined with the daughter who doesn't speak to him , combined with the apparently toxic ex, combined with the food ordering, would absolutely be enough to put me off.

Sounds like you've worked out what you need to do OP - it's a shame but ultimately at least you've swerved this early on.

It’s not about texting to see if someone is about.

it’s about texting to see if it is convenient for them to have a visitor. If they are ok with it. Respecting their preferences.

Not your preferences in foisting your possibly unwanted presence in them when they could be busy or simply wanting to be alone and they can’t get you to leave.

redfairy · 31/07/2026 06:42

My concern is that if he can walk into your garden anyone can.