AIBU to end things after unannounced visits and other red flags?

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I'm a couple of years younger than you and there's NO WAY I'd date a 60+ year old! He's definitely single for good reasons.

Yep, sling him to the curb and get a lock for your gate. And he’s too old for you. You don’t just rock up unannounced and sit yourself down like you’ve know each other for a lifetime. What a dick.

OMG the ordering for you is like something from Mad Men or something.

You know what to do.

I'm a similar age to this bloke (the similarities end there!) and I don't think any of his behaviour is due to his age, it's all about him being a controlling creep. Get shot of him love, but get a lock on your gate first in case he thinks he'll come round to "discuss" things.

You are the next toxic ex.

Get rid of him fast. Don’t be kind, say you have met someone else, a body builder, and frighten him off for good.

DH and I are in our early 60s and he knows if he tried to order my dinner, he'd end up wearing it... That's something that maybe died out in the early 60s, before we were born...

Also we haven't lived in a vacuum the last 60 years - social mores and tech have changed on our watch and we've changed with them! We invented a lot of it!

But red flags are red flags - he's put off one wife and daughter and is looking for a younger woman to take over the 'duties' of both of them, sex and care, eww... he can't believe his luck and is trying to get his feet firmly under your table, to mark you as his territory, his property...

Trust your gut! And if you fall for anyone else in the dog park, I hope he has a wet nose and a waggy tail! 🐶

Er, I think the age is a red herrring. I like much older men, funnily enough aa usually they seem to have better social skills! Good lesson learned though OP, no telling them where you live for a longer period of time. And if they bad mouth exes? Bye bye.

I don’t think it’s a generational ‘thing’. I’m 60 and wouldn’t turn up announced at someone’s house. The main thing for me would be someone trying to order a meal for me (and not speaking to his adult daughter a close second).

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Why have you never put a lock on your gate before? A good time to get one.

Yes, when a letter would take too long and people didn’t all have house phones.

Not now when almost everyone even DH
has a personal phone

Personally I only think arriving at someone’s house is a red flag if you don’t like him!!! The other thing is a red flag even though it does depend on his circumstances- ie it might be true and the daughter might not talk to him because of the mum but ye don’t sound like a match anyway

I don't see the big deal with unannounced visits in themselves.
But sounds like it's not just that which is the issue...

And what about at 80 and 60? OP still working, him retired and likely in need of care? Of course its a huge age gap, hes old enough to be her father, most women arent into that - sorry if that bruises some male egos.

I read about that Colonel Russell Williams who also let himself into women's houses. Please please please get a lock on your garden and dump this man.

My grandfather was born in 1918 and died aged 90. I never once saw him do this!

You’ve only known him for 6 weeks. At this stage he’s not a partner but still very much a casual acquaintance.

You can end it for whatever reason you want. If you’re spotting so many warning signs at this early stage I suspect it’s better to cut your losses. Turning up unannounced shows a want of boundaries but attempting to order my dinner would finish me off, I think. Shades of Cal from Titanic!

I suppose it all depends on what function the relationship serves. Is OP looking for a life partner or companionship/dating partner? If the former, his age will become apparent in a decade or so, limiting their active time together, so his age may matter. However, if the latter, and he presents as a younger seeming person that she is attracted to, it does not.

62 here, turning up unanounced is NOT normal we are the generation that peep out through the curtains to see whos knocking and if we will let them in or not.

we will also ignore your phone calls if its made at an hour we consider abnormal, IF you had a phone growing up it was on a table in the Hall and you called us AFTER 6 and befor 9 unless it was an emergency

"Popping round" is surely Ok if you ring the bell/knock & then leave if no one answers?

It's not an age thing-it's a him thing.

Get rid. Ordering your food is bad enough but 20 year gap is crazy

The meal thing definitely odd. It used to be a thing for men to order for women, but I’d say that at 62 this man is too young for it to have been common when he was in his twenties/thirties. I’m 65 and no one ever did it when I was young.

As to the garden, surely it depends on the set-up. No one can get to my back garden from the front because we have a high gate which is always locked.

In the house I grew up in, the only gate was to the front garden. Once you were in that, you could very easily walk round to the back garden. If someone came to the door and no one answered, we wouldn’t have thought anything of them coming round the back to see if we were in (assuming that they were friends/neighbours).

"I think he sort of swept me off my feet for the first couple of weeks"

Thats called Love bombing!! i know its flattering but its THE major RED FLAG you should be looking out for.