AIBU to end things after unannounced visits and other red flags?

I agree with everyone else. He's a walking red flag and you should end it immediately. He may not take it well, due it publicly, cafe or something.

Yes my H is62 and similar - although doesn’t train - still has great hair, good skin and teeth etc , well dressed and not fat - works in a trendy and pretty young industry in the main, so kind of was always aware of the need to ‘look the part’ - always gets chatted up by women far glammed than me, often 40s and early 50s . But like you say, there are aches and pains, he’s got lots of very annoying habits and can moan on a par with Victor meldrew in a way he didn’t 20 yearsago.

I’d be getting a barky dog and ending it!! X

Red flag!

Also, your post about him ordering for you reminded me that my ex FIL used to do this. He couldn't bear it if I spoke to the waiter myself, so I did this as often as possible, and if he ordered for me I changed it while the waiter was still there.

Well, not really - people feel obliged to answer, and then obliged to entertain the popper-in, when it may not be convenient.

OP there's a lot of ageism on this thread. My DH is 63 and the loveliest man you would ever meet.
However he's too old for you and not available. I nearly died last year and he would had a queue.

My mother (an ex DV unit copper) used to say a man who speaks ill of his wife (ex) or children has something to hide. No decent man calls a lady toxic.

Sharing food might be OK at home but in a restaurant it's teenage stuff or as a pp said he's tight.

Nurse with a purse etc comes later but he's not a nice man by his actions. Chuck him back.

Even without this creepiness, he is too old for you. End it.

How will you break up with him, what will you give as the reason? I am thinking he is going to be tricky to get rid of. I would be very clear it was a final decision. I would not offer to stay friends.

You are already sensing how this relationship should go - sound like a toxic relationship in the making - I'd end it -(plus the age gap may be an issue later on)

I'm a similar age to him and no one has ever oredered for me in a restaurant. The kindest explanation is that he's tight and that's not attractive.

I'm 64, my DH is 65. Neither of us have ever let ourselves into anyone's garden unannounced.

I agree you should dump him instantly. And for goodness sake get a bolt and padlock for your back gate. If he can let himself in so can a thief.

Do you think he was trying to catch you out with another man?

lock on gate
ditch him

Omg, that's unbearable! How overbearing! Wtf does he think he is?! Toxic ex wife indeed. Fucking hell, I'd have knocked him out if he messed with my food.

All huge red flags. He’s pushing your boundaries to see how you respond. He wants a woman who will just roll over and take it. My mum’s partner is like this. Little things like taking food off your plate while you’re eating. Talking about inappropriate topics. Stories about the gold digger ex wife. Also had two adult daughters who didn’t speak to him. It turns out he has a conviction for sexually abusing them, hence why no contact and why he goes around testing women’s boundaries. He wants to know who will be easy to groom. I’m NC with them both now.

Edited to add: my mum’s partner does the food ordering thing too. Not so much that he orders for her, but they order collectively. They have to decide on, say, two starters and a main that they share and they order those and eat from the same plates like they are one person. It’s fucking weird.

wait? he tries to choose your food???????? Why have you not stabbed him with a fork?

I would hate anyone to turn up unannounced and I make that clear to my friends. If a new acquaintance didn't know and came round unexpectedly, I'd forgive them once but tell them that in future I'd like to know beforehand.

@Pistachiocake Many of my friends are in his age bracket and I don't think any of them would turn up unannounced so I don't think it's typical for a certain age. It might be more common in some areas or communities.

YABU To be asking or to be thinking about the reason. You’ve dated 6 weeks and if you now don’t want to date then finish it. There is absolute no reason to be giving it any thought.

I’m almost his age - no one I know of my age orders for someone else. This is like something from an American show from the 80s.

Ant yes, get a better, lockable garden gate.

DUMP!

@ThatPeachFawn , it's hard getting back into the dating market after a long relationship. Take your time. Don't necessarily think of your next relationship as a forever relationship. This guy does not sound for you. And that's fine. Bolting the gate is a good call - both figuratively and literally. Onwards and upwards!