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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to end things after unannounced visits and other red flags?

244 replies

ThatPeachFawn · 30/07/2026 20:59

I’ve been dating a man for around six weeks. For info he is 62 and I’m 42. it’s been nice but there’s a couple of red flags now. Twice now he has showed up to my house unannounced. Both times I’ve been relaxing in my garden so he’s let himself in the garden gate , walked up to the back of the garden to the seating area and surprised me! The first time I was polite and offered him a cup of tea but the second time I was sitting in the sun reading my book and he just appeared then proceeded to sit down!! I actually felt quite annoyed. Does anyone else think this is a bit of a red flag? The other red flag I have is that he has as he calls it ‘a toxic ex wife’ and an adult daughter who doesn’t speak to him. AIBU to break it off?

OP posts:
PrettyLittleRose · 30/07/2026 21:32

Lmnop22 · 30/07/2026 21:18

Why does he know where you live after only 6 weeks?

Let’s be frank, he’s way too old for you, has no boundaries and is trying to get his feet under the table after 6 weeks 🚩🚩

To be honest, I don't think knowing where someone lives after 6 weeks together is that odd. But yeah, is is far too old for her.

EverMissWicklowSometimes · 30/07/2026 21:32

He shouldn't even know where you live at this stage! And being in your 40s and dating someone old enough to be your dad is grim.

Original poster
ThatPeachFawn · 30/07/2026 21:32

Thanks everyone. Yes the age gap is also a concern. We met in a dog walk and at the time I had no idea of his age - we’ve been on a few dates since and I’ve just been letting things play out (but the age gap has always been at the back of my mind). What’s annoyed me most is that my garden is my sanctuary and it felt like a huge invasion of my privacy. I’m normally quite strong so have no idea why I never said anything - I think I was so taken aback by him just swanning through the garden and sitting himself down next to me!! I made up a story that my friend was coming over just to get rid of him - pathetic I know! He’s been to mine for dinner which is why he knows where I live.

OP posts:
tsmainsqueeze · 30/07/2026 21:32

I wouldn't like him calling round unannounced but the adult daughter no contact would be the bigger red flag for me.

PrettyLittleRose · 30/07/2026 21:30

More red flags than a communist parade, and he is way too old for you. He is looking for a maid and a carer @ThatPeachFawn

Get rid.

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 30/07/2026 21:28

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 30/07/2026 21:27

Without notice, without an invitation, you’d walk into someone else’s garden?

Show quote history

Ah, you edited. Knock on the door- either one. Call out. Use a phone. Like a normal person rather than a pushy prick.

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 30/07/2026 21:27

LilOleMe2 · 30/07/2026 21:25

Not sure how it's a red flag to call round and see you?
I mean there isnt a door knocker on a garden do if ypu arebout there im not sure what he can do except let himself in

Edited

Without notice, without an invitation, you’d walk into someone else’s garden?

LilOleMe2 · 30/07/2026 21:25

Not sure how it's a red flag to call round and see you?
I mean there isnt a door knocker on a garden do if ypu arebout there im not sure what he can do except let himself in

Pistachiocake · 30/07/2026 21:22

Teenagers often think it's rude to turn up and knock at a door. For people his age, that is not abnormal (not being ageist, and I'm not saying everyone in those age groups does that, but it is true to say it's typical).
So I think you should have told him the first time you would appreciate a text, and please never just walk in. Only red flag if he repeats after you are clear.
His ex might be toxic and have poisoned their daughter. It happens. Or he might have abandoned them both and they are understandably upset-that happens too.
So give him a chance, but keep your eyes open and be clear on your rules-and watch whether he respects them.

EssCarGo · 30/07/2026 21:21

Jesus I’m five years older than you and it wouldn’t ever ever occur to me to date someone in their 60s.

FrauPaige · 30/07/2026 21:20

Get a lock on your garden gate, and bolt on the top and bottom, with padlocks. Probably £25 all in at Toolstation. This should be standard fit for anyone but especially for a woman living by herself.

What did you say to him when you felt quite annoyed?

Hopefulsalmon · 30/07/2026 21:20

Definitely - he's too old for you anyway.

SerendipityCat · 30/07/2026 21:19

I think you can do much better than a much older man - 20 years, ffs! - figuratively and literally overstepping your boundaries. Throw in the inevitable toxic ex and the less inevitable but worrying no-contact daughter, and you have yourself a whole parade of red flags. Get rid, sharpish.

Lmnop22 · 30/07/2026 21:18

Why does he know where you live after only 6 weeks?

Let’s be frank, he’s way too old for you, has no boundaries and is trying to get his feet under the table after 6 weeks 🚩🚩

wheresmyshoe · 30/07/2026 21:16

Absolutely not, get rid of him as fast as you can.

CrustyBread1977 · 30/07/2026 21:16

What a wanker. Bye bye bye.

Nousernameideaaga · 30/07/2026 21:15

Get rid

pimplebum · 30/07/2026 21:07

Oh my god a grown man that was a stranger a month ago letting himself into my garden would not get a polite cup of tea i would react so shocked and uncomfortable he would leave and if he didn't leave id ask him what he was thinking ?

dump and get a better security NO- ONE should be able to walk into your home like that

bettyrubble99 · 30/07/2026 21:02

The ex wifes are always toxic when they can no longer control them...

Warning Red Flag GIF by Animanias