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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to add man I met at a conference?

124 replies

LoisLaneKent · 30/07/2026 20:26

I've been co-hosting a conference where I study as a mature student but somehow I've never met this guy despite the fact he works in the department. We first met on the coffee break and I felt an immediate feeling of warmth and a spark.

When I saw him again later, I realised I really fancied the look of him (I never fancy anyone). Then he seemed to be hanging around next to me so I struck up conversation. We were then told to get into small teams for this game thing so we stuck together.

We spent over an hour walking about the grounds in sunshine being good teammates (although we didn't win but oh well!). We laughed so much and had a great time. It made me think of the early days where you're first enjoying someones company and I felt strong chemistry. Then he had to go back to work. And today was actually my last day working in that building!

I found him easily on social media because we both follow the uni department account. We have several friends in common. I'm wondering whether to add him to see what happens.

I'm in my 30s and my serious long term break up happened 14 months ago and I have been so heartbroken. It was bloody lovely to meet someone I felt that 'glimmer' for again today. The other part of thinks, maybe I shouldn't chase him and let it go/hope I'll meet someone another time?

OP posts:
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NoCommentingFromNowOn · 09/08/2026 22:19

MyDarlingRose · 09/08/2026 21:49

It’s fine just add him and ask if he’d like to go for a drink

Have you thought about reading the thread like everyone else had to?

MyDarlingRose · 09/08/2026 21:49

It’s fine just add him and ask if he’d like to go for a drink

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 09/08/2026 21:48

When is your deadline so I can mark it in my diary and set a phone reminder so we can check back to this thread?

LoisLaneKent · 09/08/2026 21:24

Topjoe19 · 09/08/2026 21:22

Just send some friendly messages, keep it light but say you're looking forward to catching up once it's done.

If it's meant to be it will be. I'm keeping hopeful for you!

I really hope so! He seems quite relaxed but keen so far.

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Topjoe19 · 09/08/2026 21:22

Just send some friendly messages, keep it light but say you're looking forward to catching up once it's done.

If it's meant to be it will be. I'm keeping hopeful for you!

LoisLaneKent · 09/08/2026 21:17

I am a bit worried about losing momentum while I finish this but he was the one that said he wanted to meet once 1) I got through it and 2) had a chance to relax and decompress first.

I suppose I'm just hoping he doesn't decide he isn't bothered after all :)

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LoisLaneKent · 09/08/2026 21:06

No update folks, I'm stuck on this work deadline he was thoughtful about.

He has sent some thoughtful messages since I last posted though, mostly being supportive but not overbearing. If anything comes of it, I'll report back! Have to say, I'm thinking him about all the time - such a distraction 😂

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NotSureNeedSomething · 09/08/2026 15:15

Following this!
how exciting!!!

SnippySnappy · 09/08/2026 15:06

Any update OP? 😍

Maisymouse2 · 07/08/2026 21:41

Contact him
If he does manage to get in contact wirh you directly ask him out for a drink.
Nothing like a friend with something in commonnand is pleasant let alone a new friend...hopefully not a friend tho 😉

enamel200 · 07/08/2026 21:21

Any update OP?...

MissConductUS · 05/08/2026 14:34

LoisLaneKent · 05/08/2026 13:20

(and to think I almost didn't bother out of fear he liked that other woman!)

You can thank me with a wedding invitation.💕😁. I probably won’t come from New York, but I will send a nice gift. 😁

All kidding aside, of course it’s a date.

BettyJoanPerske · 05/08/2026 13:33

LoisLaneKent · 05/08/2026 13:20

(and to think I almost didn't bother out of fear he liked that other woman!)

I really wouldn't worry about her. I know exactly what you mean about the nerves and excitement, but she most likely added him. You can't even be sure that she hadn't added him before, sometimes Instagram plays up and is inaccurate.

BettyJoanPerske · 05/08/2026 13:31

LoisLaneKent · 05/08/2026 13:19

@Goditsmemargaret I hope it is!

Anyway it's a lovely outcome so far. I felt like I'd been hit by Cupid's arrow last week. It's nice to know he might like me too. We'll see what comes of it.

I'm so pleased for you! And even if it comes to nothing, at least that part of yourself has been reawakened. I'm actually a little envious of you, in the nicest possible way. I adore my DH and I still get goosebumps thinking of him, but there is nothing quite like that very early stage. Enjoy!

LoisLaneKent · 05/08/2026 13:20

(and to think I almost didn't bother out of fear he liked that other woman!)

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LoisLaneKent · 05/08/2026 13:19

@Goditsmemargaret I hope it is!

Anyway it's a lovely outcome so far. I felt like I'd been hit by Cupid's arrow last week. It's nice to know he might like me too. We'll see what comes of it.

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Goditsmemargaret · 05/08/2026 12:46

Ah come on - that's a date! At the very least it's a pre-date :) he definitely has intentions.

(I'll put it this way; if my DH hit it off with some woman at a conference, messaged back and forth with her with no mention of me then suggested meeting up after she completed some stressful work... Well I'd be reconsidering our relationship. )

I have everything crossed for you OP. Please keep us posted.

Topjoe19 · 05/08/2026 12:21

That sounds very positive! Good luck with your deadline OP.

Ahwelltoobad · 05/08/2026 12:09

TheSmallAssassin · 05/08/2026 12:06

That's great and considerate of him to remember and mention your deadline!

Yes, agree! So pleased for you, OP!

LoisLaneKent · 05/08/2026 12:08

TheSmallAssassin · 05/08/2026 12:06

That's great and considerate of him to remember and mention your deadline!

yes I thought so! He also mentioned when it's over and I get a chance to relax, so that was a nice thing to say too. He's sweet.

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TheSmallAssassin · 05/08/2026 12:06

That's great and considerate of him to remember and mention your deadline!

LoisLaneKent · 05/08/2026 12:05

update: he sent a few replies yesterday but they had no questions so I felt maybe he didnt wan't to continue the chat.

But this morning he messaged again saying he'd love to meet up when my work deadline is out of the way (I have one of the biggest deadlines in my career due next week, so). The word date has still not been mentioned, so it's still not 100% that it's romantic and not platonic. We will see :)

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mellongoose · 04/08/2026 05:32

BettyJoanPerske · 03/08/2026 22:17

I know it's such a platitude, but do try to take each stage at a time. Don't think ahead too much, just try to stay in the moment.

Totally agree with this. Easier said than done.

just enjoy chatting for now and try to get to know him a bit more before your emotions get carried away.

Bikenutz · 03/08/2026 22:25

Exciting! I hope you end up with a lovely friend or better, 🤞

BettyJoanPerske · 03/08/2026 22:17

LoisLaneKent · 03/08/2026 22:15

I will say the thought of falling in love again is still a bit scary after the last experience. The thought of going on a date is ok, but it's having faith in the next part again I need to get on board with.

I know it's such a platitude, but do try to take each stage at a time. Don't think ahead too much, just try to stay in the moment.