Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to add man I met at a conference?

115 replies

LoisLaneKent · 30/07/2026 20:26

I've been co-hosting a conference where I study as a mature student but somehow I've never met this guy despite the fact he works in the department. We first met on the coffee break and I felt an immediate feeling of warmth and a spark.

When I saw him again later, I realised I really fancied the look of him (I never fancy anyone). Then he seemed to be hanging around next to me so I struck up conversation. We were then told to get into small teams for this game thing so we stuck together.

We spent over an hour walking about the grounds in sunshine being good teammates (although we didn't win but oh well!). We laughed so much and had a great time. It made me think of the early days where you're first enjoying someones company and I felt strong chemistry. Then he had to go back to work. And today was actually my last day working in that building!

I found him easily on social media because we both follow the uni department account. We have several friends in common. I'm wondering whether to add him to see what happens.

I'm in my 30s and my serious long term break up happened 14 months ago and I have been so heartbroken. It was bloody lovely to meet someone I felt that 'glimmer' for again today. The other part of thinks, maybe I shouldn't chase him and let it go/hope I'll meet someone another time?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Maisymouse2 · 07/08/2026 21:41

Contact him
If he does manage to get in contact wirh you directly ask him out for a drink.
Nothing like a friend with something in commonnand is pleasant let alone a new friend...hopefully not a friend tho 😉

enamel200 · 07/08/2026 21:21

Any update OP?...

MissConductUS · 05/08/2026 14:34

LoisLaneKent · 05/08/2026 13:20

(and to think I almost didn't bother out of fear he liked that other woman!)

You can thank me with a wedding invitation.💕😁. I probably won’t come from New York, but I will send a nice gift. 😁

All kidding aside, of course it’s a date.

BettyJoanPerske · 05/08/2026 13:33

LoisLaneKent · 05/08/2026 13:20

(and to think I almost didn't bother out of fear he liked that other woman!)

I really wouldn't worry about her. I know exactly what you mean about the nerves and excitement, but she most likely added him. You can't even be sure that she hadn't added him before, sometimes Instagram plays up and is inaccurate.

BettyJoanPerske · 05/08/2026 13:31

LoisLaneKent · 05/08/2026 13:19

@Goditsmemargaret I hope it is!

Anyway it's a lovely outcome so far. I felt like I'd been hit by Cupid's arrow last week. It's nice to know he might like me too. We'll see what comes of it.

I'm so pleased for you! And even if it comes to nothing, at least that part of yourself has been reawakened. I'm actually a little envious of you, in the nicest possible way. I adore my DH and I still get goosebumps thinking of him, but there is nothing quite like that very early stage. Enjoy!

LoisLaneKent · 05/08/2026 13:20

(and to think I almost didn't bother out of fear he liked that other woman!)

OP posts:
LoisLaneKent · 05/08/2026 13:19

@Goditsmemargaret I hope it is!

Anyway it's a lovely outcome so far. I felt like I'd been hit by Cupid's arrow last week. It's nice to know he might like me too. We'll see what comes of it.

OP posts:
Goditsmemargaret · 05/08/2026 12:46

Ah come on - that's a date! At the very least it's a pre-date :) he definitely has intentions.

(I'll put it this way; if my DH hit it off with some woman at a conference, messaged back and forth with her with no mention of me then suggested meeting up after she completed some stressful work... Well I'd be reconsidering our relationship. )

I have everything crossed for you OP. Please keep us posted.

Topjoe19 · 05/08/2026 12:21

That sounds very positive! Good luck with your deadline OP.

Ahwelltoobad · 05/08/2026 12:09

TheSmallAssassin · 05/08/2026 12:06

That's great and considerate of him to remember and mention your deadline!

Yes, agree! So pleased for you, OP!

LoisLaneKent · 05/08/2026 12:08

TheSmallAssassin · 05/08/2026 12:06

That's great and considerate of him to remember and mention your deadline!

yes I thought so! He also mentioned when it's over and I get a chance to relax, so that was a nice thing to say too. He's sweet.

OP posts:
TheSmallAssassin · 05/08/2026 12:06

That's great and considerate of him to remember and mention your deadline!

LoisLaneKent · 05/08/2026 12:05

update: he sent a few replies yesterday but they had no questions so I felt maybe he didnt wan't to continue the chat.

But this morning he messaged again saying he'd love to meet up when my work deadline is out of the way (I have one of the biggest deadlines in my career due next week, so). The word date has still not been mentioned, so it's still not 100% that it's romantic and not platonic. We will see :)

OP posts:
mellongoose · 04/08/2026 05:32

BettyJoanPerske · 03/08/2026 22:17

I know it's such a platitude, but do try to take each stage at a time. Don't think ahead too much, just try to stay in the moment.

Totally agree with this. Easier said than done.

just enjoy chatting for now and try to get to know him a bit more before your emotions get carried away.

Bikenutz · 03/08/2026 22:25

Exciting! I hope you end up with a lovely friend or better, 🤞

BettyJoanPerske · 03/08/2026 22:17

LoisLaneKent · 03/08/2026 22:15

I will say the thought of falling in love again is still a bit scary after the last experience. The thought of going on a date is ok, but it's having faith in the next part again I need to get on board with.

I know it's such a platitude, but do try to take each stage at a time. Don't think ahead too much, just try to stay in the moment.

LoisLaneKent · 03/08/2026 22:15

I will say the thought of falling in love again is still a bit scary after the last experience. The thought of going on a date is ok, but it's having faith in the next part again I need to get on board with.

OP posts:
BettyJoanPerske · 03/08/2026 22:14

LoisLaneKent · 03/08/2026 22:08

Thanks all! I think he is interested but maybe cautious. I mean I'm not 100% but have a sense.

For now I'll keep chatting as he's opened the door for that. Then I'll try (!) to be brave and invite him to coffee or an event.

I'm delighted a connection wasn't all in my head :) Not to get ahead of myself but when I saw him the other day, it was like time stopped. Such a strange but powerful feeling. Glad I followed my gut.

Edited

I'm really excited for you! Good for you for putting yourself out there.

LoisLaneKent · 03/08/2026 22:08

Thanks all! I think he is interested but maybe cautious. I mean I'm not 100% but have a sense.

For now I'll keep chatting as he's opened the door for that. Then I'll try (!) to be brave and invite him to coffee or an event.

I'm delighted a connection wasn't all in my head :) Not to get ahead of myself but when I saw him the other day, it was like time stopped. Such a strange but powerful feeling. Glad I followed my gut.

OP posts:
EBearhug · 03/08/2026 21:15

He might also be feeling cautious and wondering about overstepping. But there's nothing wrong with chatting to get to know each other a bit.

JMSA · 03/08/2026 21:05

Oops sorry, just read your update.

JMSA · 03/08/2026 21:04

Aww, how lovely. I’m glad that this encounter lifted you and awoke something inside you! I’d say that if there is no chance of bumping into him in person, then absolutely get in touch some other way. Nothing to lose. Best of luck!

SunnyRedSnail · 03/08/2026 21:02

LoisLaneKent · 03/08/2026 20:28

Hi everyone! He replied. He said he had a lovely time together too, asked me a couple of questions (which I think is good - continuing to chat) and said some other things related to the conference.

No asking me out though, so not sure. Certainly a very warm reply though :)

Sounds a good response to me!! Keep the chat going then you could casually suggest meeting for coffee if he gets time in his hectic schedule...

LeavingAtLast · 03/08/2026 21:01

Just read your thread, OP. How lovely! I can imagine how giddy you must be feeling, it’s been far too long since I experienced this. Wondering what you said to him?

MissConductUS · 03/08/2026 20:50

LoisLaneKent · 03/08/2026 20:28

Hi everyone! He replied. He said he had a lovely time together too, asked me a couple of questions (which I think is good - continuing to chat) and said some other things related to the conference.

No asking me out though, so not sure. Certainly a very warm reply though :)

That's great. I'm assuming that you didn't suggest a meetup in your message to him, which is understandable. And yes, he's definitely interested, but perhaps a bit unsure about your level of interest.

It's fine to message for a bit, but if you let it go on too long without meeting in person, the whole thing may go stale. If he doesn't ask you out in the next round of messages, you should ask him. Don't call it a date; just suggest an activity.

You mentioned in the beginning that he seemed a bit shy. He may just need the little push of you suggesting something - a museum and coffee, whatever. You've come this far, and it looks good. You just need to manage it to the next stage.