Sorry, this may be long.
Dd 16 is the eldest of 4 children that I share with ex husband. We have had them 50/50 for years and it has until recently worked okay.
Ex husband lives between two houses - with his new partner and her children on the days that he doesn't have our kids, and lives in his own house on the days that he has ours. His new partner and her kids are nice enough, there just isn't enough space for mine and ex husbands kids to stay when he has them.
In recent months, dd16 and dd14 have both ended up in hospital due to incidents that occured whilst staying with ex husband, one was serious enough to require surgery. I feel he was neglectful and that both of these incidents could have been prevented to an extent. There has also been reports from the younger ones (11 and 8) that there is no food in the house when they visit, their clothes aren't washed, they're allowed on the xbox for 10 hours at a time, there's no bedtime, they don't have toothbrushes there ect. As a result, I've told ex husband we are no longer doing 50/50 and he has instead been taking the children out for tea a few days a week.
Dd16 has not coped well with this change and keeps insisting that she is going to move in with her dad, ex husband has told her that she can move into his house. My issue with this, is that ex husband doesn't actually live in his house and has said outright that he won't be staying extra days at his house as he wants to continue staying most nights with his partner especially now that he isn't having the children for half of the week. Dd is in no way mature enough to be left to her own devices for half of the week. Her argument is that I was 16 when I had her and managed to live alone. I don't want that for her, and I don't know how I can change her mind.