Inheritance and DH

He lives rent free. If he has debt thats on him.

Id pay off the mortgage. Id do jobs around the house and have some fun money left over.

I'd probably treat him to the holiday but that's it. It's not a life changing amount and he'll still benefit from not having to pay towards the mortgage.

I was married to a man whose money just went in his account and straight out again. Credit card after credit card I settled but he just got more. It finally hit him home in our divorce settlement when I was awarded the house because he couldn't get a loan to buy me out. Despite earning 3 times what I did plus a forces pension. Yours wont change. Keep your accounts locked down

No don’t give him any money, if he’s still a spender he hasn’t learnt from his 18k debt hole so I wouldn’t be helping at all. I had 4k on a credit card due to massive car issues and cats vet bills, my fiancé helped me pay half of it off and from then I contacted the bank, closed the card and cut up the physical card so no more spending and I pay atleast the monthly minimum plus 10%, more some months if I can. I wouldn’t dream of having help and then continuing down the same path. He’s an adult and he needs to learn.

No way! You have kids. If you’re going to use any of the money to support anyone else, my view is that it could go towards deposits for their first homes. You’ve already been so generous with your DH and I can’t see that this has been reciprocated.

YABU for hitching your wagon to someone so financially illiterate. It would give me the ick paying for so much. It feels a bit freeloader-ish.

I’d ignore the hints, if pressed or he get gets less subtle I’d say you’d invested it already.

Then if you need to, remind him of all the things you’ve mentioned you’ve paid towards / for.

Something so sad and mortifying about watching your own mother pay to have a man in her life.

Watching her being bled dry by a user.

I cannot imagine how embarrassed they are privately to witness this.

Awful modelling of a relationship for them.

Unlikely planning to have DC as she's retirement ages

Since when are his debts belonging to her?? No law says that's the case

You don't need to feel guilty. The reason you have savings and he has debts is because of your different financial attitudes. The reason you have a windfall is happenstance.

Believe me, I've been there and done that with the guilt of a 'lucky' windfall and overcompensating by helping out those close to me. It doesn't change their attitude to money despite your best intentions, and really, you never expect it to.

He can benefit indirectly by offsetting what he saves from having no mortgage payment and paying down his debts faster. And from the benefits of your investment returns, which you won't get if you just throw money at his debts which just leaves him free to accumulate them all over again.

Do either of you have DC?
Are you planning on having DC?

How long have you been together?

I understand you paying for things that involve the house if it’s in your name only - but then I’m confused as to why you’d get married?

Did you know he came from a wealthy family and your long term plan was to benefit from
it in the long run?

You both seem to spend thousands of pounds like it’s nothing.
So I would assume that you both have very good paying careers and so the bonus money you get can be splurged - but that wouldn’t make sense as to why he didn’t pay half of the wedding, didn’t buy his own car and got into debt.

I can’t wrap my head around you giving him £3k for one car and then another £1.8k for another car - unless this was over a very long period, then I can’t understand why he needed the money for 2 different cars.

He must work FT but only have half the bills to pay - so where is his money going?

This all just seems so odd!

As you are married, legally the assets and debts belong to both of you. Why is he constantly on debt though?

Why on earth did upu marry him??

This is what you say the next time he mentions you giving him money. 3 cars!

She's done this before and he's ran up more debts though.

Do not pay off his debt.

He could very easily clear his debt himself if he wanted to by selling a car. Why should you clear it when he chooses not to?

I'd use the money for a good lawyer, get a divorce, retire and go on lots of holidays with friends!

You are giving him.some - what he was paying to the mortgage can pay off his cards.

Does he actually like/love you? Sounds like you're a cash cow. How can you find this level of leeching attractive?? Its absolutely disgusting.

This is a very good point and wouldn’t surprise me!

He might not get any inheritance, this could well be used for care fees. Surely, he is not sitting around waiting for his inheritance in this day and age?

Tie it up in a long term investment as soon as you can. You paid off the mortgage which is a huge contribution.

No. He’s clearly crap with money and you will always have to bail him out.

I would never tell him about any windfalls you get either.

I hope that you are protecting yourself financially and that any debts he’s running up don’t leave you liable.

I couldn't have married a man who was irresponsible with finances. My DH and I have separate finances. I got an inheritance from an Aunt and spent it on new double glazing and door for our holiday home. I gave some to my DC. When Mum died I put money on a deposit for another house to let out. Now I have less than £40k to clear mortgage. I'm going to pay off mortgage over the next 2 years and leave house between my 2 DGC. It will give them a good deposit. DH will inherit in next few years and I expect him to spend or invest money how he pleases. If you have separate finances I don't think it's your DH business what you spend your money on.