To do 9 hour round trip or tell ds to stick it out?

I think given their ages and it's boredom rather than a safety issue, you son just needs to be encouraged to try to make the best of it. I'm surprised that his dad didn't agree to go to the cinema to balance out DS1 interests with DS2's but it sounds like he doesn't know their different personalities very well. This trip is an opportunity for their dad to spend some quality time with them and if he gets that wrong, by favouring one over the other, or by not taking enough interest in DS2 it's their dad's own fault

This is the first trip to see his dad and it sounds like DS2 won't be willing to go again . If you intervene, I think you risk being blamed by his dad for turning him against him. Your sons are of an age when they can make up their own minds if they want to make the trip again.

Just keeping contact with both sons to ask what they have done and seen etc and try to calm DS2 as best you can. No harm in promising a trip to cinema when he gets back if he doesn't get to see it.

Urgh, your ex sounds totally useless OP, what’s going on sounds like a broader issue caused by him not being in their daily lives and probably not having much idea about the boys, their personalities and what they like to do. I’d go and get him, you’ll probably find the other wants to come back too. If not, I wouldn’t agree to them going for so long again, it’s a situation forced by him moving so far away which he should have thought about before he did it.

This is hilarious - the world renowned Edinburgh festival is on at the moment - people travel from all over the world to it - bus fares are free for under 21s in Scotland - the boys could be making there way there and having a ball but no …….

I wouldn't pick up unless I thought they were unsafe, but I wouldn't make them go again. Ex sounds like a shit dad.

OP I wouldn't be driving all that way to collect him but I'd be videoing with him asap and encouraging him to make his own way home.This will encourage him to both stand up to dad and brother and learn a bit of independence. Do not force or even encourage him to stay though. He's more than old enough to make autonomous decisions and way too old to be forced into contact with a deadbeat parent who at best doesn't give a shit and at worst is a horrible bully. In addition to this he's only got a few more summers that he'll get all this time off in Summer to just be carefree and do what he wants. Don't ruin it by forcing a miserable time on him. Neither of you owe anything to his arsehole dad and the courts will see it that way too if it comes to it

What a spiteful and obtuse post. Dad obviously favours DS1 and is deliberately making this stay miserable for him. Why on earth should he have to put up with this shit?!

If he was in danger or scared etc then I’d not think twice but he just sounds fed up and bored, so I wouldn’t go and get him.

I used to hate going to my dads because we’d be cooped up in a tiny flat with nothing to do but you just suck it up.

He’s got his brother and his phone so it’s not like he’s in the middle of no where with nothing or no one else.

Tell him to explore the local area etc

Maybe if the father was interested in him?

Sounds as if they do what the father & eldest want but not the youngest.

And he's also not allowed to go & do what he wants alone.

Maybe things have improved since Op first posted.

I'd be wanting him to come home if they haven't though.

Just read that their Dad couldn’t even go and meet them from the Train Station when they arrived. Edinburgh Waverley is so busy at this time. That’s quite neglectful of their Dad.
doesn’t sound a great situation

I’m absolutely shocked that so many posters see it as unimportant that the boy spends time with his father growing up

edit to say everyone will come back claiming that the father is what ?cruel or that that is not what they are saying - but they are - a father in a teenage boys life is just about the most important thing even a selfish one

Not read the full thread.
but yes, I would go and get my child if they were miserable.
could your ex drive him halfway so 2 hours to get him and 2 hours back home ?

He is with his dad, not a stranger and if he doesn't see him much then he needs to stick it out a bit longer rather than coming home straight away.
Have you had the film story from your other son or your ex? Sometimes kids can make something sound way worse than it actually was.
If they are in Edinburgh then hopefully their dad will take them to some of the festival while they are up. It's brilliant and a great experience and it would be a shame if your youngest missed out on that.

I would be inclined to leave him for now but keep checking in and if he's still miserable in a couple of days make a decision but really I think he needs to stay partly for resilience and partly to spend more time with his dad.
Only you know him and your ex though so if you think it will be actually more damaging to his relationship with his dad to stay then that's a different decision.

I’m in Edinburgh with slightly older teens at the moment, if it’s any consolation for your son we tried to see Spider-Man yesterday and it was sold out everywhere. I’d be happy to help him get on the train at Waverley but I’m not around much over the next few days. I’m not going to comment on the rights and wrongs of him coming home early, it sounds like hell to me personally, but you know your kids and the situation better than any of us.

I think you'll find that most of the NEETs have parents who were barely there at all for them - a bit like DS2's dad in this scenario.

Tell him to stick it out and then if he doesn't want to go next time, that's up to him.

Mums - and it's always Mums - do their DC no favours swooping in to rescue when they're remotely uncomfortable or bored.

That's likely the reason DS is like he is and can't do normal things. Because you don't expect him to and infantlise and make excuses for him.

It's one of the reasons we have so many NEET kids and young people signed off long term sick with anxiety. Because they can't cope with having to do anything they don't like or find uncomfortable, and Mummy is in the background saying to anyone trying to help, "he can't get on a bus, he can't talk on the 'phone, he can't go to the GP, he can't order for himself in subway' and on and on. If Mummy helps you avoid everything you don't like, find boring or uncomfortable, then it becomes an issue when the real world expects these kids and young people to function.

Wow! So glad you were nowhere near any of my children.

I think he’s just being a silly teen who didn’t get his own way once or twice so he’s whinging to you about it. With the film, I’ve seen many films I wouldn’t choose for myself because it keeps my DC happy so your ex is BU there BUT maybe he should just go by himself. He needs to learn some independence basically, one day in the not so distant future he’ll have to do everything for himself! I’d make him stick it out.

I've often done 2 x 6 hours driving so 2 x 4.5 would be a doddle. But accepted that it's not for everyone. Another option is for OP to take the train up to meet DS2 and bring him back.

And yes, I would definitely be offering him the option to come home. Another 10 days with a father who quite clearly isn't prepared to do anything to make his stay more pleasant. I've lost count of the number of films I had no interest in that I've sat through because DC wanted to see them. And then to say DS2 couldn't go on his own either FFS!

Wow. You sound nice.

Why don’t the father and older brother have to put up with going to see a film, if they expect the younger brother to go to football matches?

i completely understand your concern for DS2 in this situation as he has little in common with his dad.
His dad dismisses all of his requests, giving him mixed messages and telling him to man up.
So my heart would break a little bit for him too if I were his mum, especially if he has another ten days to go. There seems very little love, understanding or affection coming from father to younger son. I’m surprised he’s a teacher if he dislikes children so much. Or maybe he just doesn’t like the effort he has to put in to his own parenting after teaching all year.

Talk to your sons to get a better picture. Give DS2 some reassurance if you can.
Then give it a couple of days and talk to them again to see if things have settled or worsened.

If at any time, you think the situation is too awful for DS2 to continue, then yes, do go and fetch him, factoring in the expense a hotel night so you can rest between the two long journeys.

At least your son is now at an age where he doesn’t have to spend two weeks at a time with his father ever again.

I don't have advice about the situation but in terms of the trains if he does decide he's getting one home.

Can he stay on the bus to Haymarket? Manchester trains go through there too. It's not as overwhelming as Waverley and only a couple of minutes later. Just four platforms.

At Manchester he needs to get in the lift at platform 13/14. It's by the toilets on the left as you exit. That keeps you away from the main station entirely and comes out at the pick up point.

Is it a holiday? I thought it was a negative thing to expect dads to be 'disney dads', this is just normal bog standard everyday parenting is it?

They are of an age to say where they want to be of course, but lets not pretend that parenting day in and day out is always some sparkly fun thing.

I’d leave them to it to be honest. Sounds like normal family dynamics. There’s always someone who feels hard done by.

If these are just words on a text message I really don't think you have enough to go on. My children have been told no lots of times and im sure could make a text message sound like her parents were not very nice but the reality is they live a charmed life and are very loved and well taken care of and get to do many things. You need to either talk to him face to face or talk to your ex. He's only been there 18 months and they have visited for at least some of that time at weekends ...hes not complete stranger to them. The very best interest of the children is if a good ongoing relationship can be formed between them and their dad and allowing one of them to come home over something possibly very small won't help facilitate that. Obviously its possible this is the not the scenario ... but from what you say it well could be.

I can also appreciate that it must be really hard for you and possibly a reason to bring them home would be nice, you must miss them, and that makes it hard to think about clearly.

I don’t get why he couldn’t go on his own to the cinema. Day one release is a big deal for a fan and I’m not surprised your sons upset he’s been taken places he didnt enjoy and then banned from something he’s probably really into.

but you can’t race up there; talk to son and practice a conversation he can try with dad. Call dad and let him know how ds is feeling
i think at the moment it’s a little mediation at this early stage, it sounds more like dad is useless and rigid rather than deliberately unkind? He doesnt know how to connect with his son but speaks the manly language of football 🙄