To ask mums of girls aged four plus

She is five now, and very similar to herself at three.

She was and is a very happy affectionate easy going soul who seems to see the positive in everything and has been that way as long as I can remember. She went into her first day of nursery at 2.5 with a bye and a big smile and wave and not a single tear or worry.

She is a bit more fussy with her food than she was at 3. And a lot more fussy with what clothes she wears than she was at 3. When she was three she had some weird feeding habits. She would eat eggshells, sand, silica packets if you didn't stop her.

She did change a bit once she started nursery- she became very independent overnight with wanting to do things herself.

I remember a milestone breakthrough was when my dc1, at about 4yo, realised it doesn't matter what colour your cup is! The drink tastes the same, who'dathunk it?!

And then, not until she was about 5.5yo and dc2 turned 2yo, she realised... it doesn't matter who gets to press the lift/crossing button! It's just a button! I'll let my baby brother press it!

It was groundbreaking.

This made me laugh as this is exactly what my almost 12yo dd has been like for the last two years when you say no or something she doesn't want to do. "K don't mess about near that saw", "oh YAY I'LL PLAY WITH THE SAW". Ffs 😂

They (3 dds and 1 ds) were all really good three yos though she did love pulling her twin brothers hair, always loved a bit of drama that one.

An absolute psycho. She’s wonderful now (10)

My youngest daughter just turned four a few days ago and she's absolutely hilarious but VERY trying at times. She is extremely headstrong, often defiant, absolutely knows her own mind, is very observant for her age, has an answer for everything and I swear she could win a debate against most politicians in parliament. She has epic tantrums most days and is quite particular about certain things. She keeps climbing on things, has endless energy and loves sweets. She also has a lovely, caring personality, says the funniest things and her favourite toys are baby dolls who she looks after very diligently even though it means we end up having to treat one of them at her insistence like our 5th child. She is, of course, very well behaved at nursery and the staff often praise her and say they make her laugh all the time and that she's "been here before". It's almost bedtime and I'm bracing myself for the "No thank you, I don't want to go to bed" But at least that's preferable to rolling about the floor screaming. Oh she was the most lovely baby though until she turned utterly rogue at about 18 months when she point blank refused to nap anymore. I should have known.

My oldest daughter is now six. She was similar in personality to her sister in terms of being headstrong but with less chat and the politician personality as she was speech delayed due to prematurity. She is quite quirky sometimes and always has been. I would always find loads of toys in her bed at night including doll prams, microwaves and footballs etc. She went through a stage where she would have meltdowns involving roaring crying, throwing the contents of her room including all the bedding out the door then slamming it again and sometimes removing all her clothes during this?? She stopped that about 4.5 just before starting school. She is a bit more shy and even lacking in confidence sometimes even though at 3 or 4 years old we had visions of her being in trouble at school a lot. She was very aware of strangers until starting school but will now initiate conversations with people which is nice. She is a model pupil but lacks concentration. Listens to teachers far more than she ever listens to me. She is also very caring and kind and loves crafts and unicorns and glitter and pink but can equally be found tearing about the garden and always ends the day with messy hair! She comes home with more mud etc on her than her brothers. Also enjoys a fight with her twin brother on the (very) regular. The 2 girls have recently started to develop more of a bond which is nice to see! She is definitely a bit of a different personality from what everyone expected when she was a toddler tbh!

Veteran here - out the other side now with a couple of lovely (most of the time!) young adults.

They were both an absolute nerve-shredding fucking nightmare at various points between when they were born and now (and I had 7 full years of chronic sleep deprivation with DD) but I have to say, on balance, I remember their childhoods with huge fondness and nostalgia rather than relief it’s all over!

When you’re in the trenches of a difficult period that’s testing your last nerve, all you can do is try to stay calm and consistent, and keep in mind the old saying ‘this too shall pass’. Parenting is like clinging to a lilo in a shipping lane - you just have to hold on and ride the waves as you lurch from one battering to the next, and appreciate the peaceful lulls in between!

One of the very last things my terminally ill grandmother said to me, when my children were still small, was to really be in the moment with them and try to appreciate every minute - hold them tight, breathe them in, listen to them - because you will never, ever have those days back and one day you might yearn for them.

I don’t think I really took that advice fully on board because, like you OP, at the time I was right in the thick of it. But I now totally understand what she meant, and my heart hurts a little bit that those days are gone. I’d give anything to have them both be 4 again, just for a little while.

I recall the frightful frees with both of mine.

I have three girls, my eldest was consistently hard until she was seven, is now fifteen and the most chilled teenager ever
my middle was a much calmer child with occasional monumental tantrums till school, then fine, has so far been a trickier teenager
my youngest I can’t honestly remember 😑I think we were just in the thick of it and all her behaviour blurred into my sleep deprivation

eg if I said “don’t step on the road” my eldest would stick her leg out and put toes just above it, smile at me and say “I’m not touching the road”, whereas my middle child liked following the rules more

It's a tangent to this thread but...People don't talk about this enough when they advocate for deferring all summer borns. Some kids are just ready and benefit from school.

Mine was so needy, clingy, and would start crying at the drop of a hat. Wouldn't leave me or dh alone for even a second, had to be involved in everything, all household chores, wouldn't even let me go to the loo in peace. Required continual entertainment. Both at 3 and 4yo.

Then she turned 5 and it's like night and day.

She's nearly six now and today, she was watching a film and I ... took a short bath! I took a bath with my child awake in the house! And I came back down half an hour later and she cheerfully told me what I'd missed in the film. Just wow, what a difference a year or two makes

I felt this. DD is a very early September kid, and would have been ready to go to school 18 months before.

She exhibited "leadership qualities" as the nursery put it, and didnt stop talking 🤣

She still doesn't stop talking and is almost 7.

Really ready for school, which started at 4 and 9 months, so she had been truly lovely until around 4 and getting to school start was hard work as she was ready for more than us or nursery.

DC1 flipped between cute, precocious and funny to wild tantrumming and often violent terror. Early waker, frequent night wakes and needed cuddling to sleep till about age 7.

DC2 was fairly easy by comparison but didn’t listen (not wilful like DC1, but in one ear and out the other) and had zero sense of danger. Also not a great sleeper.

I was knackered for years

3 was pretty awful. I remember feeling quite smug that 2 hadn't been too bad but 3.... not good!

4 was an improvement - pretty steady at home and mostly lovely to spend time with but has had a few difficulties in school. Just turned 5 now so let's see what happens 😬

my 2 year old DS on the otherhand is an absolute handful now so I'm hoping he'll be the reverse of DD and turn into a delight at 3 😅

and I'm pregnant with our 3rd and keep joking this one had better be our reward for surviving the first 2!!

An absolute nightmare!!! My lovely teen who has been no trouble at all for many years was an absolute horror at three. I could do nothing right, she was dreadful to get ready and leave the house (well erm that is same now but at least she doesn’t tantrum about it just takes ages) and she also regressed with potty training for a bit which honestly felt like a protest at the arrival of her baby sister! Her sister was mostly lovely at three but I’m getting more attitude now….tween hormones I think.

I honestly found three/four the hardest so far as they cannot be reasoned with like an older child, and aren’t easily distracted from their strong emotions and opinions like a younger toddler. Hang in there! My daughters are absolutely my greatest joy and wonderful company now.

I have boys but 3 was hard with both of mine. I think it's a developmental stage where they are noticing that they are not part of you and they are testing the boundaries. They also have the language to assert themselves too (in most cases). Also, emotionally you are the battering ram to adsorb their feelings. It's hard!! Threenagers are a real thing, IMO. I used to worry if they were like this at 3 what would they be like as actual teens? They were mostly easier as teens than as toddlers. This too shall pass.

Sticking my oar in, as a woman I'd try to avoid gender stereotyping as 'bossy'. Boys don't get told they're bossy, IME.
Mine are adults now and both lovely.

Edited to add: I think three is hard for us because they do seem more grown up, with the language than they are and it's hard not to get sucked into arguing the toss with them.

Mine is 24 and is amazing! She found life very difficult at 2 and 3, because she's very intelligent and curious and would get extremely frustrated about not being able to do things or have things her way.

Hang in there OP, and just keep enforcing your boundaries.

Lovely at 1, Trickier at 2/3, lovely after starting school- and a lovely teenager so far!

Mine didn’t eat, she didn’t sleep, just a general pain in the arse. She is now 12. Still doesn’t eat, still doesn’t sleep but is good fun.

Exactly the same here ! It’s hard not to laugh sometimes just how bossy she is… I’m hoping she will grow out of it although I do think she’s going to be hard work for any potential boyfriends 😆

Always been a delight. Most agreeable under age 10 though

Mine was an absolute horror. Never stopped talking either and she exhausted me. It got a bit better when she started nursery then better still when she got to about 5. We had some lovely years then until she got to 17, where we have had a few "challenges" with the usual teenage stuff.

I've got 14 year old twin girls. At 3 they were A Lot. One of them still mostly communicated through the "point and wail" method and would get so hangry at times thst she would go and sit in the wardrobe and I would have to get one of her teddy bears to push a sandwich in through the gap. She never hugged me until she was about 4 and a half. The other one was like much more kind of like the kind of kid they like at preschool - listened to instructions, joined in, used her words - but she has and had a kind of like top defence lawyer's grip on logical inconsistencies in everything we would say and would spend like 3 days arguing with you about what was the difference between throns and nettles or a muffin and a cake. She made a song about a wedding and how her mum and dad didn't like her any more and she made a cake for the wedding and they broke the cake and then she made a muffin and they broke the muffinnas well. I thought she'd break me. She could spend the entirety of a 30 minute bus ride asking "why" to everything. They're great now both of them. The lawyery one is a cheeky fecker but she's really funny and the hangry one still gets hangry and he wee teddy bear can still do no wrong. It got easier once they turned 4 I remember, because they stsrted sitting doing colouring in on their own for like 20 minutes so you could have the odd conversation when they were still awake.