To not know if I should confront my friend?

I'd be very wary . It sounds as if Emily is a little jealous of your friendship with Julie , and anything you say may be repeated back to Julie . I would ask Julie straight out if she had a problem with you, and perhaps check with your boss or
other colleagues that your work was ok , just to set your mind at rest .

This! ☝️

But also warn Emily.

If it’s true, Julie is a 2-faced b!tch & needs to know that you know!

Did Emily tell you that?

Welcome diversity! Aibu to welcome the rich diverse culture of single males into our country. I can't wait to see what they can share and teach me. I enjoy dressing and working as I choose but maybe I'm wrong. Can't wait!!

It's entirely possible to bring up what she thinks and feels about you, without referring to what Emily has said. Have a think of how you can open a discussion about the training you're doing and next steps....organically visiting her difficult time and whether she feels supported by your input, whilst explaining why your feedback has been the way it is....

It's possible. It needs some self training. And you can be yourself, without letting the emotional reactions come in....

I think that everyone appears to be taking the third parties friends at face value. Why is everyone automatically believing her when the original friend hasn’t done this before?

Cutting off a friendship based on one persons comments seems a bit dramatic to me. You owe it to the original friend to discuss it with her.

If someone cut me off because of something a third party had said if said, when perhaps I hadn’t or it had been misinterpreted I would I also question how reap the friendship was.

Speak to her lioe a grown up. If yoh throw third party under a bus - who cares. She shouldn’t be getting involved if she doesn’t want to be.

Emily sounds like a sht stirrer and Julie sounds like a shtty friend. Some people in life are takers and Julie sounds like one of them. If she's having an awful time, then she could be trying to gain sympathy from whoever will listen, and slating people who've actually tried to help her in order to enhance that sympathy isn't beyond the realms of possibility.

The fact that you and Julie work together is the main reason to proceed with caution. In this situation, I would take a step back without making it obvious. Work drama should be avoided at all costs for your own sake.

Protect yourself - just because someone is having a hard time doesn't give them the right to treat other people badly. Thankfully you're now aware and can act accordingly.

The question is: what is Emily getting out of this?

Friends at work are problematic, I think. Again, spoken from personal experience. Clouds judgement, creates unnecessary drama. Conflict of interest, I think.

Agree with this. Some people encourage a feeling of closeness by asking for advice. It's like a form of social currency and generally works.

I would avoid giving advice by asking open ended questions like the above.

What does your instinct say?

How do you feel about that?

If you find yourself giving advice you could couch it as How would you feel about.........?

Just a comment as to why she's done this, there's probably jealousy involved but I have found some people just can't have a conversation that isn't negative. They either have to be moaning about something or slagging someone off or gossiping - never anything positive. I don't know if it's an insecurity thing or if they're just shit at making conversation and find it bonding to complain with someone else, but it's almost certainly not about you. I know people who are like this and half of what they say is untrue or, at the very least, exaggerated, but they seem to thrive off the attention and conversations they have by making everything seem dramatic. Eventually people see them for who they are and move on.

I think you should avoid a confrontation if you work together as it could impact all of your work colleagues and you risk being seen as the trouble maker. There is an over-egged attachment in current discourse about ‘closure’ - because just what is the point? It won’t undo what she has said and done, and it won’t remove the hurt.

The first post by @QuaintBeaker is the advice I would follow - step back and be unavailable outside work, keep work interactions to business-only and avoid one to one lunches and coffees. And if she asks why you have cooled, you can state that you have been made aware that unkind things have been said about you to other people and that she doesn’t not value the advice you’ve offered, so you feel the friendship has, indeed, run its course so prefer to keep things on a colleagues-only basis. You say this politely and dispassionately and refuse to discuss it any further.

Question - Can you trust/believe what either of them is doing/saying?

Keep a distance from both..

Exactly. Why did your friend have a bitch to Emily, of all people. What made your friend think Emily would be a safe person to talk to - has Emily herself given her reason that she would accept such a conversation? And did Emily stick up for you?

hmmm!

I wouldn't go to hr. I don't think they would do anything about a 'someone said that someone said something bad about me' situation and you'd come across badly.

I also wouldn't confront unless you want to risk losing Emily's friendship too. She has warned you about something and you would be dropping her in the shit.

It would be pretty awful to have an enemy at work especially one that two faced.

If you have any other close friends at work you could try and subtly ask them if they have any concerns about you or if they've heard about anyone that does

Therefore in this situation if you have to work together in the future I'd keep my knowledge to myself. You're in a better position than you were before you knew what she was like. I'd keep quiet and let the friendship drift and if she asks for advice ever just turn it back into a 'what do you think' question

It sounds like she knocking you down to friends to make herself feel better. People that feel bad about themselves do it to make themselves feel better. And you say she been going through a terrible time. If you confront her id suggest taking a light hand with it as it could implode. Think of a cornered animal analogy. You'll probably find what she ssid about uou is more about how she feels about herself.
However, you do not need to put up with that and backing off is definitely something to consider.
and rather than advice ftom now use the talk it through technique if you chose to stay friends.

It goes like this.

Her: What do you think I should do?
You: what is your first thought of what you should fo?
Her: I think I should fo xyx
You: if you do xyz what would be the outcome/consequence of that?
Her: "Blah would happen
You: what else could you do?
And so on, so she is actually finding her own solutions and can not blame you.

I understand the temptation to confront her, but she's lied to Emily and she'll lie again if you do. It's natural to want to know why she's done this, but you'll never really know why and will have to live with that.

I'd take a step back, be polite and cooperative if need be at work, but keep it professional.

I agree with Moist's strategy.

After you're both promoted, will you still have to work together? I would try and keep things breezy and light. Still joke and laugh, but no more friend stuff. Confrontation won't achieve much other than an awful atmosphere and a damaged professional relationship.

I think she's jealous and relished the chance to be really mean. It's coming from a place of insecurity

I’d just be cold with her from now on and not do anything together. If she asks if everything is alright? I’d explain that I saw Julie recently and she was concerned about us as apparently you said a lot of unkind things about me?! She will walk away and avoid you.

Julie sounds like an immature little twat!
this happened to me a few years ago. I thought I had a friend in work but she was doing the same thing as Julie. I didn't pull her up on it but I backed away. Looking back I wish I had of pulled her up on it.
I think you should say something OP. This is bullying and it will continue until you stand up to her.

sorry this is happening to you. It's so hurtful when little dickheads behave like this.

I find it a bit strange that you would automatically accept this shit talking about someone you are supposedly good friends and coworkers with? i would also question why the third party has gotten themselves involved, and whats in it for them to be stirring up trouble and dissension? Im not saying that its not all true or that the third person may have noble motives, but a little investigation is probably in order to sort out who is telling the truth here....that doesnt mean a confrontation, it means a conversation. Keep your cool and dont escalate things, thats always unprofessional in a workplace setting and will only reflect poorly on you. Cool your jets and find out FOR SURE and from the right sources what is going on, before you launch the nuclear codes.

Yes - knowledge is power, OP!

Assuming that the other friend isn't malicious (and only you can judge that) just use the information she's given you to protect yourself. Withdraw emotionally from the colleague/friend. Be civil but emotionally unavailable. If she asks for advice say you really don't think there's anything else you can say - and be firm about that. If she asks why you're witholding further advice, say 'Don't push me on that!' If she then does push, tell her that someone passed on to you that she had found your advice useless.

I agree that MoistVonL's advice was the best given.

No sense in letting her know that anything got back to you, or telling her "the friendship has run it's course". Better to stay professional and if she wants to meet up, telling her about feeling awkward being her sounding board, maybe adding in that you don't feel like you've helped, so you are stepping back.

Because you're entangled in a work way, and work physically closely together I would not confront no matter how much I wanted to.

I'd keep things polite and professional but back right off from the personal chats and any out of work meet ups.

I'd be much much more unavailable on a personal level without raising the issue.

If openly asked for personal advice I'd come up with some stock responses you can use instead of offering advice "gosh that sounds really tricky/ I really feel for you / I hope you find a solution that works best for you / a friend of mine had some counselling during a tough time and it really helped her would that be something you think would help you / I hope things get better as you've had such a tough time" etc etc. Sympathetic but no actual advice offered.

I'd thank our mutual friend for the heads up and let her know you won't be confronting the backstabbing friend but will be backing off subtly.

Keep on doing well at work and checking in with your boss. It's good you have different managers I think.

Take the high ground OP.
Cream always rises.

I can't see why Emily told you all this and I can't see what the benefit would be in making a scene with Julie over it. She'll only deny it, or say Emily got it wrong.

Just beware that anything you say to Emily will obviously go back to Julie.