Hand hold needed - away with cheating DH

Milk tankers 🤮

Even people that are paid, I would assume don’t find it attractive they just tolerate it because it brings in money

A brusk, classless woman with no decorum.

I would also be sharing the update with close family or friends. You need support and possibly childcare whilst you make arrangements.

Pack up, go home and he can go to his mother’s house. You can’t continue knowing this. Jesus.

Sorry OP.

I find the “leave him with the kid’s comments” very interesting. If I was in your position I’d want to be with my kids and tell him to go home, or take my kids home early and leave him behind.

It sounds like the marriage was over already, based on your description of the nastiness in your recent arguments. I’d probably see this as the last straw and just start making plans to separate.

Hope you manage through the last of the holiday. Just spend it with the kids and have the best time you can, ignoring the husband.

Yes, I'm old and have never heard this before, especially in a romantic or sexy way. Actually makes me wonder if there's a secret baby already. Wouldn't be the first.

Milk tankers 🤢 I’ve only ever heard that said as a joke, by one of my closest friends. About herself. Absolutely vile to say that about someone else. Bin him op that is gross I can’t believe he’s doing this to you and your DC. cunt.

I'd channely energy into.hiring a forensic accountant asap, if you DH is a high earner.

I am.so.sorry OP as your brain is in shock.you just want to curl.up with your phone, not look after energetic dc. It's really tough for you.

How old are your kids OP

Hopefully the clubs were teen/pre-teen clubs, as are the kids ages? If yes, I would tell them and holiday just the three of you on your own, ask him to leave and go back and that you will talk this through more when back.

Have a good holiday with the kids after he has left .....

Last year, hilariously, my H started responding to a woman (looked just 21 based on DP) messaging him on whatsapp out of the blue - his whatsapps as far as I know are left open on his big screen desktop in the main study , and anyone passing by can and do look including older-teen DC .....

I let that go unchallenged as his replies were perfunctionary and the conversation never made any sense - he was clearly just flattered that the young beautiful woman in the DP was whatsapping him but had nothing to say her really .....my DC said it was AI to try and get money after establishing a friendship, probably by overseas scammers using a random pic as DP

Who knows

Head home with the kids early and leave him there change the locks when you get home.

I don't think you are legally allowed to do this,.but check with your divorce solicitor when you get home.

This is no life, and certainly not what a relationship should be.

What do you want to happen now?

There's no respect between you.
He's not even pretending not to be lusting after someone's 'milk tankers' 🤢.
There's no intimacy (unsurprisingly).

You cannot carry on in this misery, but it also doesn't like you'd have any help fixing it; so this is now down to what you'll tolerate and how you navigate your independent happiness.
This will also affect your children eventually, so you have decisions to make 💐.

Please don't listen anyone saying "you gave him cold shoulder ", " he needed your attention " . I was super wife, my husband's friends were jealous! Supporting, caring. Had/have nice body, face, etc - I literally get asked for number almost every single time I'm going out without him . My husband cheated anyway. It's not your fault, remember it.

Seriously, fuck off right over there and then fuck off some more.

Sounds very much like he has paid for sexting whilst on holiday. An online gf for the time you are there. He probably has paid for it before too.

Sorry OP. He really is vile. Please spend some time speaking to a solicitor whilst out there. He's a lying scumbag too. You will be entitled to half the house if you separate.

He's very much in the wrong here, not you.

😆😆

Milk tankers? What a charmer.

Leave him with the kids and take yourself out. Bonus points if you can shove a holiday flirt in his face - provided he’s not the dangerous type.

He sounds grim and you deserve better.

This is all fucking financial inequality - do you have your own financial resources? People are shits mostly, so if they feel they are providing or richer in any way, they suddenly think I am entitled to do what I want - because they can't see past money, they measure everything with money, they are vile. Take him to the cleaners, OP! Dump and to the cleaners! Vile bastard.

Well doesn’t this disgusting, misogynistic prick who’s out of shape and overweight, who’s unattractive to his wife, think his sexual frustration gives him the right to be a ruthless and cruel b#st#d?
For as many days as you’ve been looking after the children, he needs to do the same on his own. In this time log on to the joint bank account - move your share pronto, then contact and instruct a top notch divorce solicitor. Get the ball rolling while he’s running round children’s clubs and Whatsapping Ms Milk Tanker. If he falls asleep on a sun lounger take the most unflattering photo you can. Keep it to console yourself.
I’m so sorry he’s done this to you and am appalled by him.

I'm guessing you get turned on by phrases like Milk Tankers? No?

Milk tablets? Putting the udder into shudder 🤮

Milk tankers? Blaming you for another woman?

What does he bring to your life OP? He sounds less than delightful. I am sorry that you're going through this though, truly. Sounds like can do better though.

I agree.
There is a difference between going through a few stressful, sleep-deprived months where physical intimacy naturally takes a back seat. But if it goes on for a long time and nothing is done to address it, that is a choice.

I know many people in sexless marriages, but they either chose to work on the problem through therapy and communication, or they made an agreement to have an open relationship. Ignoring the issue and hoping it will disappear is how you end up here.

I’m not saying this is entirely your fault, but being unwilling to address a complete lack of intimacy and then being shocked that your partner looks for it elsewhere is unrealistic. You can’t neglect a major part of a relationship for a long time and expect there to be no consequences.

In divorce you will get AT LEAST 50% of everything including his income - at least until the kids are 18.

Why would Op get 50% of his income?

The 'milk tankers' comment is probably up there amongst the top 10 cringiest comments made by a man 🤮 It would be laughable if it wasn't so utterly embarrassingly bad.

Your husband has mentally checked out of your marriage. He's being cool towards you and clearly isn't in the least bit bothered you know he's communicating with another woman. He isn't going to stop, now that you know either.

Coming home is likely not an option, it means extra money being spent on a flight home. The same goes for purchasing another room (even if one is available), it's extra money and also it means the children will ask questions. Your best bet OP, is to tell your husband that childcare will be split between you both during the day and at night. Grey rock him, as much as possible. Be calm, cool and polite. I'm.not saying it will be easy, but you need to remain indifferent, and not fret over this woman.

Your husband may not necessarily know this woman or has met her. If the conversation only started a few days before you left, my guess is that she may be a random he's smooth talked online. Easy enough to swap WhatsApp numbers with her. She may not be aware of your existence or the fact you have children (equally she may).

It's irrelevant who she is to be honest. The fact remains that your husband isn't interested in you or his children. Once home, you need to gather as much paperwork as possible. Book an initial consultation with a solicitor. Look at your finances. Do you work? Can your husband afford to buy you out of the house? Could you manage the mortgage on your own? Keep your cards close to your chest. Give your husband zero idea what's going on in your head! He's not on your team, and no longer has your best interests at heart.